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Some days ive been fine but the last couple of days i have been an emotional mess. some days im just on the brink of crying and other days i get so depressed i cant get out of bed. Sunday my boss came at me about my work and i got so upset i quit (which i really shouldn't have done). tried to rectify the whole thing and they promptly told me no. As a result i now have no money and will be unable to return to school this semester. All of this just compounds and makes things worse. I hate the fact that a woman who could not care less about me has me so emotionally screwed up. I am looking for another job and since i will not be going to class next semester I'm trying to do stuff on my own (brushing up on my programming skills). Its just been extremely hard to focus because ive been dwelling on the horrible decisions i've been making lately because of my breakup.

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Please try hard and not let all other things in life fall apart because someone thinks you are not boyfriend material.

 

I know its harder said than done but you will be regretting soon when all is better that you let a job go that could have paid for your next semester and complete your education. And for what, someone who couldnt care less about you - just dont let it go there.

Its extremely hard, i know, luckily for me as a freelance i could juggle my depression and projects but when it came down to it to really be present at work, i did, even while having him 24/7 on my mind. It was hard but doable.

My survival instinct and anger would not allow me to sabotage everything i worked hard for all these years.

 

In BU we have to focus on the future and make a better one for us and better our self's, for personal growth and a plus to living good will also get the satisfaction of showing the dumpers that we can survive, thrive and live well without them - that would be cool wouldn't it?

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"The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a mean, nasty place and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life, but it isn't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward."

 

If you want to be mentally strong and get your life back together, I suggest you follow this quote. I can tell you personally that it really helped me get through tough times such as a breakup.

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I know the feeling, many on this site do. Its no fun. This sounds like clinical depression (no energy, impulsive, ruminating) You may want to check in w/a therapist...

 

 

Also - watch some videos with a guy named Nick Vujicic. Trust me, you will have a better perspective on your "problems" after that...

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One thing you must undertand is that you are not alone. I went through that same process and thought I wanted to kill myself--I just wanted to die because nothing else could compare to actually being loved by someone. You feel that they have become a part of you and now that they're gone you question yourself: What's wrong with? Why am I loser? Why am I ot worthy of love.

 

I don't know what happened in the relationship nor do I know whether or not you're in complete NC with the person you're referring to. But I believe there is no time but the present to begin a motive to start healing yourself. All those hateful thoughts and unexplained decisions they will be taken care of in time, but I believe you have to acknowlege and accept that big change in your life. You are know one but yourself. You belong to no one and no one belongs to you.

 

Since you don't have class, is it entirely too late to apply for a next semester? Over time you will begin to put all of your energy into fixing yourself and then slowly begin to do healthy things like working out, speding time with family, etc.

 

I'm so sorry you're feeling all of these things and it makes me sad that you're going through this. For a therapist has helped me see the light of somethings... What's so great about them? What happened? etc...

 

I hope you hang in there. You are stronger than you think you are.

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Thank you for your kind words. what you said is exactly what i kept repeating in my head. i'm having a much better day than i was when i posted this. Tuition for the coming semester is due the 14 or 15 of August i will not have the money by then, not even sure ill have a job by then. Referring to my ex i have not been in contact or tried to contact her since the break up in late May, but i did mess up and check her fb to see her with the new guy she was cheating on me with. I'm starting to realize there is not a damn thing i can do about my past mess ups and dwelling on them is only bringing me down further. quitting my job and being unable to go to class next semester is not the end of the world. my plans just have to change.

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I'm just going to assume it's too late for financial aid near you, if that was possible. Have you deleted her off your facebook? I deleted myself, and through despersation and mixed thinking I tried getting it back, but he rejected me. Once my mind was cleared I deleted any evidece I had of him and blocked him. I have a few mutual friends but if I see photos I hide them in my timeline. If I need to know what's up with them I'll ask or wait till they tell me when I see them, or on the phone, or through messaging, etc.

 

It's only been two months, and I think you're doing a very good job. You have more self-control than I had when I was broken up with. As for your past, I am with you. I was told quite recently that the only thing you have control over is you. I feel like cheaters never changed and I haven't seen a story where someone actually ended up with a cheater: it didn't last. In a different aspect she has done you a favor in terms of perfecting yourself and coming accross someone you love. Someone told me that one day in the midst of her healing she had to take a different route because of traffic. She stopped somewhere on that road for groceries and she met her, now, husband there. They've been together for five years and I believe they have beautiful children.

 

I don't think you've done anything wrong, unless you've done something terrible, and right now you should try to forgive yourself the best way you can. Maybe all those things are a sign for something better to come along. But you won't know until you try. I'm trying my hardest and honestly it is the hardest thing I ever had to do, because I have stuck like for years, but I know once I have healed everything will be wonderful and I'll have lived my life to fullest.

 

This is something I have to realize as well...

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i have exhausted all possible options for this semester, believe me. With my ex i tried desperately to get her back right after we broke up but she just suddenly wanted nothing to do with me even before the breakup she was extremely distant. She liked smoking weed and doing prescription drugs i really was not about that. She said that was one of the issues she had among some other rather trivial ones ( I lived too far, i looked miserable when she wanted to do different things). they were just excuses, she was going on dates with some other guy and just wanted out. After finding that out i just deleted everything, me and my ex dont have mutual friends so thats not much of an issue.

 

One thing my close friend and my counselor were saying is that i'm extremely tough on myself. I got hot headed at work and quit, ok, but in terms of my relationship i gave it my best shot. she wanted to cheat and i have no control over what she does. In both cases there is nothing i can do about it now except learn from it. My main hold up was that i really wanted a relationship. we dated before, but broke up because i wasn't putting much effort in. two years later i contact her get back together and she cheats on me? when i put in effort suddenly im not worth it? its taking some time, but i see myself getting back to a happy place.

 

For some reason i just feel great today and i really wish i can tell you what i did to get here. ive just been thinking about what great friends and family i have. After telling my friend about breaking down and quitting my job his response was "ok, well come over so we can work on your resume to find you a new one". My mothers response was the same way. And when my friend saw how i was in a bad place he called to check up on me, made sure to take me out whenever he was free and always talked to me when he saw i was dwelling on things. This breakup showed me that i have some amazing people in my life who truly care about me and my well being.

 

Update: Couple mins after posting this i got a call for an interview tomorrow. Things are looking up! lol

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