How do guys handle a break up ?

I've been doing some research and found that when a guy DUMPS a girl that right after that they feel relieved and free, but that the emotions and reality of the break up only kicks in a few days later.

Can you guys here share your experiences with me ?

Very much appreciated.

I don't know, since I'm always the dumpee.

I never have the guts to get out first. Pitiful.

My bf told me that he at first did feel "relieved" about not being in a relationship.

But it was not days later that he started rethinking it....it was months.

Yes, I've read what mhowe is saying. Initially the guys feel relieved and don't think about you, but months later they start to miss you.

Of course, I'm not a man so can only share what I read when I went through the break up that brought me here last year. And of course, every man is different. If the relationship was bad, the guy might end up missing you, but not enough to ever want to come back. If the relationship was good, he still may never come back even if he starts to miss you.

First : relief and guilt for hurting someone if she didn't do anything to make this break-up unavoidable. Especially if she is a good person.

Then immediately after : loneliness and sadness.

And after a few days / weeks / months, complete assessment on why the relationship didn't work.

And during all this time, hopeful that she is okay even if not asking.

Honestly, and that's my personal opinion, I don't know if men feel different when compared to women. From my experience, I can only say that I believe that men are probably weaker (in a very general way) when it comes to emotions than women, which can be explained through many reasons and translates to a less definitive attitude towards decisions made over emotions...

As for feelings themselves, I don't see a real difference

It kinds of explains why some men disappear and months, sometimes years later they're back checking on you, and even missing you. I had a guy I dated once call me back after 2 years.

I never done that, I think it's more of a male thing. I've had every man in my life come back into my life at a certain point, but always too late.

I guess women do have advantages when it comes to emotions, we grieve but then move on, and men have it the way around, first feeling relieved but then grieving and missing their ex.

First : relief and guilt for hurting someone if she didn't do anything to make this break-up unavoidable. Especially if she is a good person.

 

Then immediately after : loneliness and sadness.

 

And after a few days / weeks / months, complete assessment on why the relationship didn't work.

 

And during all this time, hopeful that she is okay even if not asking.

 

Honestly, and that's my personal opinion, I don't know if men feel different when compared to women. From my experience, I can only say that I believe that men are probably weaker (in a very general way) when it comes to emotions than women, which can be explained through many reasons and translates to a less definitive attitude towards decisions made over emotions...

 

As for feelings themselves, I don't see a real difference

 

What about when they have a rebound right after the break up ?

I don't think there is a big difference between the way men and women process....it depends on the individual.

When I have broken up with someone, I don't grieve....I have made a decision, and move on. Because I was in control of the situation....and when I have been broken up with --- I have to process what went wrong and why....so it takes longer.

What about when they have a rebound right after the break up ?

 

I was with a man for 8 years......back 15 years ago. He is still with his "rebound", that he got with within a month of breaking up with me.

 

You cannot make generalizations with regard to these situations.

I don't know if it's a real advantage per se for women, I know some of them who refuse to go back because they feel it's a bad thing just for the sake of "coming back" and instead stay with an A**hat at home...

I don't really think either that it's all about "missing you" per se, it's more like "knowing if you're okay" because, at some point in time, those men "allowed" you to enter their lives. It's a pride / protective attitude, largely derived from this eternal cliché of the "caring man" and the "poor woman who needs to be protected" in my opinion ^-^

Aaaaand, of course, romantics would also say that there is this chivalrous thing named "booty call" ^-^

What about when they have a rebound right after the break up ?

 

^-^

 

I'm only speaking for myself but the only thing a rebound changes for me is aggravating the first two phases... Makes me feel even worse, dumper or dumpee.

^-^

 

I'm only speaking for myself but the only thing a rebound changes for me is aggravating the first two phases... Makes me feel even worse, dumper or dumpee.

Same for me, I always compare the ex with everyone after a break up and it doesn't make me feel better

What if they left you for someone else ? You think that also rings true ? It's also a rebound after all, even if he planned on jumping from one Relationship to another.

Same for me, I always compare the ex with everyone after a break up and it doesn't make me feel better

 

What if they left you for someone else ? You think that also rings true ? It's also a rebound after all, even if he planned on jumping from one Relationship to another.

Hum...

I never left someone for someone else per se.

The only time I came close to this situation, I broke up with my ex and officialy tried to go out with a girl I was attracted to (But, again, I was 21 so...).

It didn't change many things regarding feelings, I still thought a lot about my ex and went through those emotions one by one. Maybe lessened the weight of sadness and loneliness on my shoulders.

But again, I have not much to say regarding this particular problem

Hum...

 

I never left someone for someone else per se.

 

The only time I came close to this situation, I broke up with my ex and officialy tried to go out with a girl I was attracted to (But, again, I was 21 so...).

 

It didn't change many things regarding feelings, I still thought a lot about my ex and went through those emotions one by one. Maybe lessened the weight of sadness and loneliness on my shoulders.

 

But again, I have not much to say regarding this particular problem

 

Thanks for answering ... I get the idea, I guess you still go through the emotions, but it softens them in a way ... What really has got to hurt is when you leave someone for a rebound and the rebound dumps you ...

Thanks for answering ... I get the idea, I guess you still go through the emotions, but it softens them in a way ... What really has got to hurt is when you leave someone for a rebound and the rebound dumps you ...

 

Suffering from leaving a rebound or being left by a rebound means that it wasn ' t a rebound after all, don't you agree ? ;-)

Suffering from leaving a rebound or being left by a rebound means that it wasn ' t a rebound after all, don't you agree ? ;-)

Well if a guy jumps or already plans on jumping to a certain person (the rebound) after a long term Relationship and the person they jumped to (the rebound) dumps them after a little while and they end up all alone, that's gotta hurt ... It stays a rebound, but now they're all alone, get it ?

Sure, but I don't believe it hurts that much.

Take my ex-wife and her boy - toy she left me for : no remorse, no sadness, nothing. She gave me the "love at first sight" line when I talked to her about him. After being with him for 1 month, she decided to leave our country for Canada with him, leaving her friends, family, work, etc. So I tend to believe it is technically a rebound even if I also believe she will stay with him possibly forever.

However, if he decides to leave her (which he won't do I'm sure but still), she will simply jump on another boat. People who leave someone in a LTR for someone else completely new like there is no tomorrow are quite simply incapable of feeling bad for leaving someone. So they will go on.

I don't buy the "if a rebound fails they will feel worse". I believe they will feel nothing in particular towards the rebound, maybe the ex but will move on to what they think are greener pastures ^-^

Its the same thing for both genders...

I don't even believe Dumpers have "rebounds". They just move on to their next relationship -- whether it works out long-term or not, who can say? It's the same as any other relationship, it might last or it might not.

It's the DUMPEES who have the "rebounds"... they're the ones who are suffering and looking for someone new to mask the pain of the breakup.

Does a Dumper feel that much pain? Sure they feel guilty, they feel bad about hurting you, they miss certain aspects of your relationship.... but they don't have the same kind of suffering and heartbreak as someone who's been dumped. They don't NEED a "rebound" to heal from their own decision to dump you. No way.

I think it makes Dumpees feel better to say their ex has a *rebound* because that implies it's not a real or lasting relationship. Who's to say it isn't? So many Dumpers are detached and ready to move on by the time they break up with you.

I was dumped for someone else and I'd never call that a "rebound." What's to rebound from? My ex was perfectly able to rationalize and justify what he did and I'm sure he was/is serious about that girl -- the only thing that suffered was his own self-image as *a good guy*.

Dumpers do have rebounds, even if you left the Relationship it's not easy going from a Relationship to nothing.

Some like to be single, other just dont, so they jump into the next best thing.

Even if they leave you for someone else I call it a rebound, if they start dating before 6 months of being single I say it is a rebound.

They try to feel the empty feeling of being in a Relationship to nothing by dating someone else.

The rebound is often getting used, in a lot of cases the rebound gets dumped and the dumper retruns to the dumpee.

While I don't believe in Love at first sight per se but more at "Lust at first sight", I have to admit that my ex "rebounded" for her toy-boy immediately (or months before, anyway it doesn't change anything in her world of lies) and it is so good he is now her everything. So, really, it wasn't a real rebound.

More a catalyst to leave, something to hold onto while leaving. And proves solid. Like any other relationship could develop into love and LTR.

While I don't believe in Love at first sight per se but more at "Lust at first sight", I have to admit that my ex "rebounded" for her toy-boy immediately (or months before, anyway it doesn't change anything in her world of lies) and it is so good he is now her everything. So, really, it wasn't a real rebound.

 

More a catalyst to leave, something to hold onto while leaving. And proves solid. Like any other relationship could develop into love and LTR.

Some rebounds last, but mostly 90% of the time they don't, but sometimes they just do work out ...

I don't know where you get your statistics of 90%.

Both times I have been dumped and the ex got into another relationship right away...first ex married her and 25 years later they are still together...and the 2nd time...15 years have passed and they are still together.

The rebound is often getting used, in a lot of cases the rebound gets dumped and the dumper retruns to the dumpee.

I've never seen this -- not in my own life or among any of my friends or acquaintances, anyway!

It's wishful thinking to call your ex's new relationship a "rebound" imo.... you're just hoping it's temporary and not as legit as your relationship with him was.

I've never seen this -- not in my own life or among any of my friends or acquaintances, anyway!

 

It's wishful thinking to call your ex's new relationship a "rebound" imo.... you're just hoping it's temporary and not as legit as your relationship with him was.

Well I've seen it I'm not hoping for anything, let's get that straight.

This thread isn't called "will the new woman my ex is seeing fail ???"