Sad Breakup- lot of Red flags! Need your support.

Good Morning Guys, I'm new here and this is my first post, so I appreciate your support and advises.

My girlfriend( EX) broke up with me 2 month ago after a 1 year long distance relationship, she lives in Istanbul while I live in Beirut.

I was so in love with her and managed to fly to turkey on monthly basis just to spend time together, I signed a work contract in Istanbul just to be with her.

Now after the breakup which I will state in detail later on, The problem is that I know I don't want my ex back because I will suffer again from the pain everyday or maybe there is no way for us to be together, but all the memories and the good times we spent together are killing me! I started to go out a lot and every girl I see , it reminds me of her ! well everything reminds me of her!

The day she decided that we are not meant to be, she told me that I don't deserve her, she said that I always had normal psychology while she don't, she also mentioned that one day she might regret this but be sure this is the best for us, and she asked me to forgive her. Immediately, I started to tell her that we can work on it and we will succeed to pass this level... but of course she refused even to communicate with me about it and said that I'm making the situation worst.

Directly the next morning, I started no contact ! No messages, no calls, I deleted her number but I couldn't delete her from my mind !

Just a quick information, we were in a long distance relationship for 1 year , I'm Lebanese and she's Turkish! literally I did my best for her and I was travelling every month to see her, and she came twice to Lebanon and met my family. I had some problems as Insecurity, I believe I pushed her away sometimes but in the other hand I was like a perfect bf, every month I was sending her flowers minimum twice per month, whenever I travel I bring her gifts, I lost my self in the relationship and made her my priority while she always said that she don't have priorities in Life.

Moreover, I decided to leave my country to be next to her and when I found a job in Istanbul, the first week she was really excited but then the problems started and she started to have fears and doubts about us and asked for a break to find herself! After a whole week for me explaining to her that these fears will disappear and let us meet to discuss this issue, so she came to Lebanon, things were really adorable and she lost all her fears and doubts the moment she saw me, this is what she said ! then after a month or so, I traveled to Istanbul and we had some arguments there about me asking why a man called her! knowing that I'm sure there is nothing and this men is from the rental office that she rents car from, but the next day I forget about this case but she didn't, she kept it in her mind! I believe she was planning to leave me but trying to find a reason or a way specially that I'm 3 years younger then her ! she started to act distant and by that she ruined our communication. I believe i was a bit clingy and asking for her attention, but she created this insecurity in me! I was never like this! maybe the distance between us made me afraid of loosing her or maybe the lack of attention made me think like I have to give her more attention! Honestly, I was too much available for her and waiting for her every night, while she were out everyday with her friends at work and If I didn't push to talk, we couldn't move forward with the relationship.

She always made excuses that she's so busy, OK I understand people get busy at work but its not logic to me to be that much busy !!

This is mainly the short version, well there is a lot of other things that passed into our relationship! but what i cannot forget is that she's a wonderful girl, really so smart, taking responsibility of everything , she loved my family and my family loved her too, and she was the first love of my life, even sexually she was the first girlfriend to sleep with and I learned too many things from her.

So, what advises you can give me to proceed and to feel that I'm healing! because I feel trapped in one place, where I'm checking on her on Facebook daily and several times, I wake up thinking of her and sleep thinking of her, I'm thinking of her a lot!!!! what to do, I don't know! no contact is not helping me.

Sometimes, I'm thinking that i need to call her, or why I don't take a step and try to get her back! maybe she's waiting for me to take action! god only knows what this girl is thinking and why in the hell she decided to leave me for silly problems that happens with any couples!

PS: Before me ( I'm 22 and shes 24 turning 25 in 2 month), she was in a relationship with a man 16 years older then her, they were living in the same house for 3 years and they were about to get marry, he was her boss at job, she left the job when they broke up and after 2 month we met , and we get into the relationship, but I don't think I was the rebounded guy because I'm sure she loved me and all her friends know me and know that she loved me but in her opinion i was immature in term of relationships.

I cannot say that she was not a really good partner, but we were so different and I always felt that I'm not her priority because she always claimed that she's so busy at work, everyday she go out with her girl friends after work or to meet her mom( her parents are divorced and she lives with her grandma, that treats her bad! so she don't prefer to go home early) , she was trying to find a house too when we were together 1 month before the breakup and she felt so stressed about it, Now after the break up she moved to a new house and alone.

I don't know what to think and how to act, but what I'm handling is the No contact! I'm always thinking of the purpose of contacting her, that's why I'm not! I gave a lot of compromising to be with her but she did nothing till now.

I really appreciate if you can reply me and give me your advises based on what i claimed above! I will truly appreciate it!

Thanks in advance guys

OK, I read your request on the other thread. Firstly, I'm really sorry to hear that this happened.

Unfortunately, I can't really give you much advice. Quite honestly, it sounds very much that she no longer loves you and, once that love has gone, it won't be coming back. It is even possible that she could be seeing someone else.

You are in the getting over phase. It is tough, very tough but it can be done. The best way to avoid thinking about her (hard though it is!) is don't contact her, don't look at her social media and find something else to think about other than her.

And I wish you luck and tons of the stuff.

I believe so, before we breakup she made it clear that she lost lot of feelings to me and she started to see me as a great friend but not a BF!

Since the day we broke up till now, I've never contacted her and neither she ! so I'm trying my best to move on and I believe I did my best for this relationship so now its time to back off and move on.

Hope one day she realize that I did everything to be with her and really few men can do what I did, specially changing my whole life and leaving my family for someone else.

I think it wasn't meant to be,

Thanks man for the advise.

Hi!

Well the no contact works best for me. I've been in two longterm relationships. When they broke up with me i deleted everything and even deleted them on FB. Just out of protection. In this moment if you contact her you will break it off for good by coming over to angry or to pathetic (not that you are pathetic but in her eyes it might come over like that).

The no contact is the fastest way... And if i see you're story , in my opinion the best way. I can see that you are really hurt and you can't get her out of your head... Well ... Don't try to get her out of your head... It's your first love... You will never get her out of your head. You can't just delete a person. She will always be a part of you. But the feelings and the importancy of that person will fade. So don't mind being hurt. Don't mind feeling sorry... don't mind the fact that everything reminds you of her... It will go away! Don't force it... Embrace it... And learn from it.

And do not make contact with her. Otherwise you will eighter screw up a potential friendship (or and don't get your hopes up : maybe she will realize she misses you and contact you).

You can't run away from a feeling. So the only thing you can do is learn to live with it. And it will get better! And the feeling will fade away...

Now what helps me is working on myself. Try to do something you always wanted to do, try to make yourself a better person. That'll give you some new confidence. That'll help you get over the girl. And try to look for distraction!

Hi Joske, I did all that and for sure I'm not going to contact her, plus I'm not looking for a future friendship with her! She hurts me a lot while I was doing the best I can to be with her and only her! I lost my self in this relationship and made her my priority.

She said this once: I feel like you love me more than I love you, you are making me your whole life!

So, why do you think she left while she knew that I love her deeply and ready to do anything for her!

I'm learning too many things from this thread and its really helpful, thanks a lot

Hi Joske, I did all that and for sure I'm not going to contact her, plus I'm not looking for a future friendship with her! She hurts me a lot while I was doing the best I can to be with her and only her! I lost my self in this relationship and made her my priority.

 

She said this once: I feel like you love me more than I love you, you are making me your whole life!

 

So, why do you think she left while she knew that I love her deeply and ready to do anything for her!

 

I'm learning too many things from this thread and its really helpful, thanks a lot

Serveral reasons:

1. "Love" is something chemical. You eighter have it for a person or not... So could be she likes you very much for the person that you are... But that doesn't mean that she has "butterflies" or that she is attracted to you... Love isn't something you do with your brain.

2. Girls say they want a romantic man who they can count on. But unfortunately they will always go for the "Bad Guy". He is more exciting then a romantic sweet boy. So the sweeter and more romantic you are you will make her doubt. Because their brain knows you are a catch. But their body doesn't feel it (see point 1). So they get confused... And they begin to doubt. But because you are such a sweet man she is afraid to break your heart or to make a mistake dumping you, because she knows that if she'll end up with a "bad boy" she will think back on your time together and wish she hadn't made that mistake.

So hopefully that helps

That helps a lot! thanks my friend, I just wanted to know what you guys thinks about my situation and I'm thankful for all your advises. I hope to hear other advises from the members here.

You are totally correct in your clarification and the good thing is that I know what was my mistake and why I screwed up in some points, but this who I am and can't change my personality, but for sure I will be working on these points for the coming relationship.

Yes you shouldn't change. But you will need to find a balance. Try to be the sweet bad boy. Girls will love that haha.

My tip is block her facebook, looking at it is only hurting yourself.

I don't buy into this bad boy crap, I'd say be yourself, and go from there. I think she used you as a rebound, 2 months after a 3 year relationship? She wasn't ready.

Bigk thanks for the advise, i blocked her already but still showing on through mutual friends, honestly i dont think i was the rebounded guy because she lost all feelings for him years before and cant say that she didn't love me, she did! But once she said: all my friends are telling me that i rush out and didnt take time to find my self and what i want between both relationship so this was a hit and big red flag that I didnt see it coming! One week later, i was left behind without an excuse after she was acting so distant! So who knows, i could be the rebounded guy or just our relationship didnt work out properly!

Free yourself, live limit less!

Maybe you were more into the relationship than she was, that made her think and pull back ... I'm sure she loved you but she gave you a lot of signals before breaking up as I read from your message.

Probably she was just confused and did not know how to handle it.

Listen I'm proud of you! You did whatever you can to keep the love going just because she was not the one to cherish it does not mean you should change who you are !

Just make sure the new person truly deserves all the effort first

Darkangel, that's totally correct! I knew since the beginning that due to my immaturity in long distance relationship, I had to put all my efforts to make this relationship works! long distance relationship sucks, one person have to put more efforts in the relation.

And due to her behavior and going out everyday, even if she's going with her parents or her friends! I was texting her and she took 1 hour every time to answer, but I was sure she's with her friends! but such things started to happen everyday

Thus, I lost my self in the relationship, I found my self sitting home everyday not doing anything except waiting for her! no social life, nothing! while she was living her life normally.

Indeed, she loved me but she fall out of love due to the distance! knowing that I wasn't clingy,needy and insecure before this relationship! I was surprised that I'm acting desperate with her while I've never been like this before.

I'm moving on but its really difficult and yes I'm proud of my self because I did lot of things to be with her specially that I'm still young and moving to another country for work was a bad idea due to the low salaries there, but I didn't care of anything except being with her.

This is me and this is how I express myself when falling in love.

PS: sorry for my English, its my 3rd language

Any other advises guys? i appreciate your opinion

I will be brief, honest and perhaps even blunt/rude but I think you need a wake up call for this relationship and any other one in your future life.

Most of us are not on this forum to tell you what you want to hear. We are all here to give people some perspective on their case and help them look at things from a different angle when they are in too deep in an emotional turmoil to have any objective view.

You were extremely clingy and needy. You were impatient to get a reply from her when you texted her, you sent her flowers at least twice per month for no special reason, you bought her a lot of gifts and the worst part is you accepted to leave your country and got a job where she lives (knowing the salaries are pretty low there as you said). In one line, you gave up your own identity just to be with her. What message do you think this conveys about you ?

As a result, what she once felt for you, whether it was real attraction or not doesn't matter now because it's NOT there anymore. The reason this probable initial feeling she might have had is gone is NOT just long distance but it's mainly your behavior Elie.

You should completely and immediately stop all contact with her. "I don't deserve you" is womanese for "you are smothering me and suffocating me. stay away". And that's exactly what you should do. Whether she comes back to her senses/emotions or not remains to be seen but there is NOTHING you can do anymore about that from your side. Your first priority is to go NC and work on healing from this relationship while, at the same time, learning from your mistakes.

All the best. Stay strong.

Hi DreamGuy ,

Thank you for your response! well I've been in no contact since day 1, maybe 2 month ago! I admit i was clingy and needy which lead to lot of problems during our relationship! so as I move on now, I knew all my mistakes and learned a lot.

I was thinking of a closure text to clean the mess and move on with no regret! what do you think ?

I wouldn't advise you to do that. As they say, closure comes from within you not from the other person. Once you understand and admit that it's over, that's closure for you.

Concerning regret, you shouldn't have any. It's not like you mistreated her, abused her or took her for granted. Just learn from your mistakes and move on. It will become easier to just stop thinking about her or be constantly reminded about her as time goes by and if you maintain NC.