Coping

This is not about relationship issues, although I could write a few books on those.

Now here's my situation:

I am in my late 50s and work full-time mostly from home. My wife works on a casual basis but for various reasons does not have a full-time job. I sometimes help in the house but, by and large, I don't do very much. After a day's work, even if it is a "normal" 7.5 hours and I've spent much of it on forums (tut tut) I feel very tired and don't have any inclination to do anything. In fact, I quite frequently have a nap until dinner. I do not feel like going out or doing much in the evenings after work. I exercise (you can guess how by my screen name) and eat a largely sensible diet.

Why do I feel so lethargic most of the time?

Hey man. to me it just sounds like you're tired of the routine and you need some excitement in your life. I felt like that a few years back and decided to build something, so I built my parents a shed. It was a pain in the ass but it gave me something to do and made relaxing at night a lot less guilt free and I also get to physically see something I made every time I look out the window. Plus working from home, I imagine, must take away from the variety of your day. Is it possible to take your work to a book store or someplace just to get out of the house?

How much walking with the dog do you do? Lack of activity, if you have a sedentary job, leads to fatigue. I know I have more engery when I am more active. When you feel tired and/or lethargic, the logical thing to do is to rest or nap, but you should actually do the opposite and become more active. I've been in a depression for a little while now and my lack of activity, although I do outdoorsy stuff on weekends, is just making me more tired.

Thanks for the suggestions. I don't have a bookstore within walking distance and coffee shops are too expensive, especially after paying for parking and the like. I get a change of scenery by walking my dog. If I can schedule my work properly, I can take him for a short walk at any time.

I have an absorbing hobby, which I also write about but we don't do much outside the house as we're short of money. In that way, working from home is a real help because I have zero commuting costs and I'm not having to maintain a good set of clothes, except when I occassionally go out to meet customers. I also save money by eating at home and not paying canteen/cafe prices for my food.

It is true --- sedentary leads to fatigue --- instead of nap, take a bike ride. Or a jog with the dog.

And have your wife join you!

How much walking with the dog do you do? Lack of activity, if you have a sedentary job, leads to fatigue. I know I have more engery when I am more active. When you feel tired and/or lethargic, the logical thing to do is to rest or nap, but you should actually do the opposite and become more active. I've been in a depression for a little while now and my lack of activity, although I do outdoorsy stuff on weekends, is just making me more tired.

About a mile a day, sometimes more, sometimes less. I only had a 10 minute lunch break yesterday and it rained in the evening. The day before I did 2 one mile walks. I actually keep a record to make sure I'm walking as much as I think I am. I get depressed, too (very long story). At the moment, my depression is mild.

I don't know where you live, but I've recently moved out on my own so funds are tight. But there is plenty of outdoors stuff to do that doesn't cost any money. I go to state/city/county parks and walk around, enjoy being outdoors and playing with my camera on weekends. It's free (just the gas money to get there), I pack drinks and a lunch, and I'm gone several hours. I feel much better when I do something like that, than when I sit at home chilling and watching TV.

About a mile a day, sometimes more, sometimes less. I only had a 10 minute lunch break yesterday and it rained in the evening. The day before I did 2 one mile walks. I actually keep a record to make sure I'm walking as much as I think I am. I get depressed, too (very long story). At the moment, my depression is mild.

Up it to 3 miles --- a strong pace and you are done in 45 min. A one mile walk isn't much --- and really isn't an "active" lifestyle.

I had a border collie for many years ---- and his minimum was an hour a day, and it kept me full of energy and in great shape.

In addition, more activitiy will increase the seratonin levels in your system and help with the depression.

I agree that you need to extend those walks. One to two miles is probably not enough. Especially if you're sitting all day.

Up it to 3 miles --- a strong pace and you are done in 45 min. A one mile walk isn't much --- and really isn't an "active" lifestyle.

 

I had a border collie for many years ---- and his minimum was an hour a day, and it kept me full of energy and in great shape.

 

In addition, more activitiy will increase the seratonin levels in your system and help with the depression.

I'm not sure exactly how far I'm walking, I'm usually out for about 30 mins per day. On a treadmill test, I found that I could keep up with about 3.7 miles per hour. I don't jog, haven't for years for a variety of reasons.

My wife, daughter and sometimes both will join me for walks, especially if we are going to a park but it is mostly alone and mostly round the nearby roads.

The main reason I don't walk more is it would cut into time spent on other things. I'm sort of getting my time a bit better organised but have to admit I sometimes spend too much time on forums. On the other hand it fulfils a need. My wife and I don't have a social life (various reasons), so I guess it's my main social outlet.

I agree that you need to extend those walks. One to two miles is probably not enough. Especially if you're sitting all day.

Mostly a time management issue, although many of these walks are when I'm supposed to be working.

Then 15 minutes more of walking and 15 minutes less on ENA!!!!

Then 15 minutes more of walking and 15 minutes less on ENA!!!!

As if! Seriously, most of my time here is when I'm feeling bored with work (as I quite often do). I make sure I respond to messages promptly and justify what I'm doing "on paper". In my experience of forums in general, I'd say this is one thing I do have in common with the majority of members.

Fatigue can be a symptom of health issues. Have you been for a check up lately?

Along with exercise, I find B-vitamins help my energy level, as well as scheduling outside activities with others. Working from home can be isolating and routine, even if you live with someone. Plan early or late day walks with other dog walkers. (It's easier to walk further when you are talking with someone.)

If money is tight, and your dog gets along with others, you can bring in extra money by dog-sitting in your home for people you know. Use the money for something unique to add variety to your life, which can boost your energy.

Fatigue can be a symptom of health issues. Have you been for a check up lately?

 

Along with exercise, I find B-vitamins help my energy level, as well as scheduling outside activities with others. Working from home can be isolating and routine, even if you live with someone. Plan early or late day walks with other dog walkers. (It's easier to walk further when you are talking with someone.)

 

If money is tight, and your dog gets along with others, you can bring in extra money by dog-sitting in your home for people you know. Use the money for something unique to add variety to your life, which can boost your energy.

I have known issues which I can't be specific about on a public board, which according to my latest check-up are under control. If I'm honest, I think it's mental health that's the issue. I don't consider myself an out and out "looney" (although one or 2 people here have suggested I might be!) but let's just say it's an area where I need help.

Buy a basketball and go to a park...shoot some hoops, and walk your dog. It's free and great exercise.

If ENA is your social life, then that definitely isn't going to help your mental health.

I will fully admit, when I went through a break up last year in September, I lurked for a month, then began posting regularly for a month or two. Then I got into a new relationship and completely stopped coming here. Since going through another break up in April I've been a regular here again.

This place can be addicting. In the brunt of the break up I was spending HOURS a day on here. Now I only spend maybe an hour or so.

While reading what others write, sharing my own problems/story, and journaling do help to some degree, I do think being on here and getting socializiation from here is not a good idea.

I'll admit, I've felt myself withdrawing from my friends recently . I didn't realize it until I had a therapy appt Tuesday. I told my therapist I was tired and think I'm slightly depressed. And we got to talking and she asked what activies I have been doing.

I go to my ACA meeting on Sundays. I go to my counselor/therapist every two weeks, I work, I take classes online, and I get out in nature on weekends. But almost everything I do, aside from counseling/group, is SOLO. I'm isolating myself.

Just sharing so that you can see that being on here isn't always the best medicine for what ails us.

I don't know how you and your wife aren't BOTH super depressed, to be honest. You two never really leave the house? And have almost no social life?

No offense man, but just reading that made ME feel depressed. Y'all need to get out of the house more, quit making excuses. I guarantee that'll bring a breath of fresh air into your life.

Fatigue can be a symptom of health issues. Have you been for a check up lately?

 

Along with exercise, I find B-vitamins help my energy level, as well as scheduling outside activities with others. Working from home can be isolating and routine, even if you live with someone. Plan early or late day walks with other dog walkers. (It's easier to walk further when you are talking with someone.)

 

If money is tight, and your dog gets along with others, you can bring in extra money by dog-sitting in your home for people you know. Use the money for something unique to add variety to your life, which can boost your energy.

I think you should get a check up too.

For me, lethargy was always the result of vit/mineral deficiencies, or I wasn't drinking enough water during the day.

This isn't the first messageboard I've been on and I was on here several years ago. I notice that the people I remember from before are no longer here or have re-joined with different names. I talk a lot to my daughter. My wife talks sometimes but doesn't like the constant flow of conversations they way our daughter and I do. The other person I see a lot of is our daughter's boyfriend. I talk to my mum about every other day on the 'phone and my brother and other relatives about once a week. I don't live near any family. Many years ago I made the terrible mistake of discussing personal issues with work colleagues. I also find that the few people I do actually talk to do not like the sort of "deep dive" conversations that we have on this board.

Because I was excited about having my first book published I made the other big mistake of posting links to it from a messageboard I was on. This caused a lot of trolling. I had a big bust-up with one of the other posters (over trolling) and the moderators backed him over me. Don't get me wrong, I do have a sense of humour but don't like it when it is used as a bullying tactic towards a small group of people, even if I am not one of them.

I sometimes travel with work, which has made any sort of regular social activity out of the question, as I'm never really sure where I might be next week. The other thing is I don't have money to go to pubs, bars and the like and my wife's not too keen on me doing it anyway.

I also post on some special interest sites and used to post on one similar to this one (populated mostly by people who were refugees from the other board) but the numbers dwindled and people have gradually stopped posting completely.

So it's sort of like a vicious circle where I don't go out because I don't have friends and I don't have friends because I don't go out.

Coming on here is helpful and I like to think at least some of my suggestions have helped others. I probably do it too much during work hours but I just pop in from time to time when I'm not working. My work situation isn't good and it breaks the monotony and low morale I have. I'm more relaxed when not working.

I don't know how you and your wife aren't BOTH super depressed, to be honest. You two never really leave the house? And have almost no social life?

 

No offense man, but just reading that made ME feel depressed. Y'all need to get out of the house more, quit making excuses. I guarantee that'll bring a breath of fresh air into your life.

We're both depressed but not super depressed. Lack of money and erratic, unpredictable working life do not help our social situation one bit but I have to admit I'm more comfortable with the written word than the spoken one. I've also started suffering from social anxiety and posted on this forum about it.

I sometimes travel with work, which has made any sort of regular social activity out of the question, as I'm never really sure where I might be next week. The other thing is I don't have money to go to pubs, bars and the like and my wife's not too keen on me doing it anyway.

Think of it differently, it could help your mood. You are not traveling 100% of the time, right? And it's not like you'd be out socializing and get a phone call to leave right this minute on a trip. There are still ways to be social and allow for an unexpected change. There are ways to be social and not do pubs and bars. Do some brainstorming without negating any ideas that come up. Then pick one, and do it. Make it an easy one and see it as an experiment. Then tweak it if it needs it.

Too many self created road blocks. So here is what I did last weekend:

Friday night - professional meetup group - cost $5.00 for a drink and tip.

Sat. - hiking in the park - free. Later on - summer jazz fest - free city event

Sun. -packed a picnic, went to the lake - cost maybe $5.00? in gas.

So total weekend expenditure without sitting locked up at home - $10.00

If you can't manage $10.00 at least once a month for entertainment or $2.00 for a cup of plain coffee in some cafe just to get out of the house, then perhaps the real elephant in the room that has to be addressed is your finances. As in you need to look for extra work and your wife needs to get a job, because you cannot live like that.

As for social life. You are an adult, not a teenager. People just don't hang out all the time together. Just like you have to travel or get busy, so does everyone else. Get togethers are usually planned carefully in advance and even so, sometimes have to be moved and cancelled. A friend of mine and I have been trying to find a time to get together for the past month. We finally have tentative plans this weekend...tentative because I might have to go out of town. Does that stop us from being friends? No. On top of that, she also doesn't have much spare money for going out, so we usually plan something cheap or free.

Honestly, I kind of wonder if the road blocks you create in your mind aren't just depression speaking. You don't have the energy to go out, so you come up with reasons for why you can't anyway. However, it's a vicious cycle - not getting out and making yourself do stuff just sinks you deeper.

We're both depressed but not super depressed. Lack of money and erratic, unpredictable working life do not help our social situation one bit but I have to admit I'm more comfortable with the written word than the spoken one. I've also started suffering from social anxiety and posted on this forum about it.

Have you done anything to work on this anxiety? I have dealt with it too for just over a year now. I don't like leaving my home either, unless I have to.

I am on anxiety med's and therapy. It does help 'take the edge off'. But, no matter how much I rather stay at home, I make myself go out. To shop, goto chiro, other apt's etc.

Once you get out there, it can be tolerable for a bit.

Worst thing to do is stay inside and avoid the world.

Unfortunately, the more you stay home and away from a social life, the worse your social anxiety will become. And while I love ENA, it's not a good place to get your daily/weekly socialization.

I think the biggest thing here is to become aware of your habits/tendencies and change them. When I realized I am becoming hermity/withdrawn from people, I planned a cookout at the state park this weekend. Cost? Some charcoal/lighter fluid, and some food. Maybe $20? I'm taking my son and his friends, and some of my friends are joining. It'll be a great day outdoors.

Like DancingFool said, going out doesn't have to cost heaps. I even mentioned I go out every Sunday for just the cost of gas since I pack drinks and a lunch and play with my camera in the great outdoors. I've been to many parks I've never seen before and just enjoyed being there.