What Now?

I'll try and keep this short.

I met a man online 4 months ago and we agreed early on we didn't want a relationship, just casually seeing each other and sleeping together. We live far apart so in that 4 months we met only 3 times, never stayed overnight, but talked via text in between. It was a good set up.

Last time we saw each other the guy got really sick mid way through and we just lay and chatted and chilled out before he went home later on. We have chatted since and he has told me (via text) he's had to take time off work for first time in years and is really very ill, mainly stress.

I invited him to see me this coming Friday but he's messaged me on the dating site, but then removed his profile so I couldn't see what he'd said. I shot him a quick text saying we've always said we'd be straight with each other and I'd appreciate knowing what he'd said, though I could hazard a guess.

He'd photographed the message he sent as he 'figured that would happen' - said he's been off work, feels very ill still, won't be able to see me. He then went on to say given the circumstances he thinks we should 'cease' as he doesn't want to lead me along and that I'm warm and kind and he hopes I find somebody who appreciates that.

I messaged him and told him it isn't leading me on, as we've both been upfront, and that I would stop messaging if that's what he wanted. He said that wasn't what he'd said, but maybe it'd be for the best as he 'knows I'll remain invested in him' and that he's 'not feeling sociable'. Again he reiterated the stress element.

Now call me cynical at the age of 27, but does this sound like a crock? Or could he be genuinely ill and feeling off/trying to spare my feelings? I'm just a little peeved at really good sex being 'binned' when I'd happily see him, say when he got better. I admit, after he was sick before I did feel a little closer to him, but I work as a carer in my day job so it's just in my nature.

I'm curious as to whether people think I could get this back at any point or if I've been 'dumped'- if you can be dumped in a casual relationship. I'm thinking maybe try and forget it for a month or two and then check in, more than anything to see if he actually got better, and see if he fancies chatting again. Or am I missing a hidden meaning and being really dumb?

Linds

Of course you can be dumped from a casual relationship ---- and you have been.

Don't bother checking in ---- he is done.

It is safer for you to let it go. I have the feeling he is dumping you kindly.

I think I can read between the lines. He was right to end it. You are trying to figure out what happened and if you should contact him again. If it was just about good sex, you can find that elsewhere. You wouldn't be second guessing.

Just my opinion.

I was under the impression that this is the usual outcome when signing up for FWB's. Since neither one of you were interested in a relationship, there is no place for any expectations or hidden messages, as this is simply a temporary arrangement.

Unfortunately, I don't really think he's saying he just wants to temporarily cease. It sounds like he's saying you are kind, warm, and deserving of someone who wants to be with you on any level, and he isn't interested. Especially since he said he doesn't think staying in touch would be wise since YOU would remain invested...

Sick or not, it sounds as if he was breaking things off - having nothing to do with just not feeling well right now. I really wouldn't hold on to any hope of things here - especially since it sounds as if he wasn't really looking for much to develop with you to begin with. Generally when guys are willing to just do a casual sex thing as an agreement right off the bat, they don't tend to continue with it once it's run its course and they've started to move on. I don't think what he said was a crock - I just think he's being as honest as possible. He's sick and doesn't want to see you right now --- AND, he isn't interested in continuing with things further with you. I'd just accept it and move on.

He said that wasn't what he'd said, but maybe it'd be for the best as he 'knows I'll remain invested in him'

This is a bit arrogant, in my opinion. He could have said he was no longer interested in this type of relationship and left it at that.

You can do better, even for an FWB. Those should at least be fun.

I used a similar situation years ago to learn that I should stop trying to figure out other people and instead figure out where ~I~ stand.

So I ditched the whole pretense of 'casual.'

I know myself, and I'm not casual. Everything I do is meaningful. If I have sex with someone, I bond with them. If I do that prematurely, then I've just bonded with someone long before giving myself the chance to learn how I even feel about him and whether he's worth the emotional investment that I cannot pretend won't exist if I sleep with him.

I'd use this opportunity to examine whether 'casual' is the best idea for you, and whether setting yourself up for sex with men before learning whether they're someone worth bonding with is something you really even want to pull off--and why?

Head high.

I think he's trying to nicely convey that he's not even interested in casual sex anymore.

That's th nature of casual...it can end anytime.