GF broke up with me..

We lived together ever since we started going out..

It took me this to make me realize that I would start fights for the stupidest things in the world. Some to the point that I would make her cry and I was too blind to see what I was doing until now... At the beginning of the relationship we were very lovey dovey and as she said "I treated her as my girlfriend". Later on throughout our relationship I lost that touch and would rarely hold her hand or kiss her in public like she would ask me to.

I will admit that I got used to her because we did EVERYTHING together. With that I mean absolutely everything you name it for our 3 years together. I did do some stuff that hurt her like checking out girls and watching porn and she knew but I never really thought of the consequences it would have. She would say that she was in love with me even after everything and if we ever broke up she would never go out with anyone ever because she would always love me. Soon before the breakup happened, I started one of my stupid fights and she said that it was over and it took me all night to be able to convince her to give me another chance and that I would change and she did but later said she regretted it.

Now that I look back, I never really did anything to prove to her that I would change and it kills me because I could probably have avoided all this. She got a job like a month ago which is the catch and when she first broke up with me, she had told me that there is this guy at work that was really nice with her and imagined for a second how it would be to be with someone that is nice. She then told me that she felt horrible for even thinking that and apologized.

Now I am left here thinking if that had to do somewhat with the break up.... Right now i'm just devastated because I lost my best friend and have no one anymore.... She seemed so cold when she broke up with me and seemed like she had gotten over it along time ago idk.. She said I killed her feelings for me and that we would never get back together. For the first week that I still continued to text her and she would not respond, say ok even when texting her a lot of things or just straight up tell me to leave her alone forever.. I don't know what to do. I know I will get shunned for fighting a lot and what not but right now i'm just in shock because I have no one. It's hard to move on you know.. I do love her but it's too late to prove that it seems..

How could she change so quickly? What I was thinking is that she had finally built up the courage after a long time but she would always say she was in love with me but she felt stupid because I didn't show her I loved her back and then the day of the break up she suddenly says that she lost all feelings and is tired of my crap... We went through a lot, good and bad and am in shock how easy it is for her to forget.. I brought up some good memories and she just said to stop because it hurts and wish she broke up with me earlier...

I made the mistake of going to her work the day after the break up she seemed so happy and fine without me.. Was she acting that way so she could see could make me feel bad for everything i did or what? I already went no contact for 3 days which has helped me start healing but I can't help but have doubts about all this.

She didn't change quickly. It sounds like it was a chipping away. And it's a common theme - we don't know what we have until it's gone.

The best thing you can do right now is to leave her alone, as you have these three days. Perhaps in a couple of months, after you've done some healing, thinking, and growing, you can reach out to her.

So, what have you learned? How can you become a better man?

Do you know about Al Turtle, world's greatest relationship therapist (just my opinion)? He has an incredibly comprehensive website on relationships - link removed. I suggest you read it, starting at What To Do When He/She Leaves You. Read the entire site - so good. Also, I recommend Uncoupling: Turning Points in Intimate Relationships - required reading for the broken.

"Now that I look back, I never really did anything to prove to her that I would change and it kills me because I could probably have avoided all this"

- Do it now. Work on changing now. For you and your future.

"How could she change so quickly?"

- She was most likely on the outs for months. Sadly, you didn't see it coming. We often don't so WE get the blow

Your 'doubts' etc are normal and you'll get into more emotions, thoughts & feelings in time.

It is far from easy, dealing with a BU/ loss. can take months to work on accepting & healing. Yes, it hurts...

One day at a time. But best thing to do now is have NOTHING to do with her. Less contact the better!

So you can work on moving on with your own life.

Get out, exercise, find ways to vent. Take care of yourself. Get a journal going on all your thoughts, etc. But do NOT send them to her.

Every time you want to contact her, put the phone down and walk away.

It takes time... but you can do it.

Take time for you now. tc

I never understood that and its probably due to my inexperience with relationships. That whole love each other at one point and then the next not wanting a thing to do with you. is it a female thing? I only say that because i don't feel like i would be able to do that and i can't remember any of my male friends doing it either(they could have). i understand she might have been slowly building up to it but jeez man it just seems so cruel.

I never understood that and its probably due to my inexperience with relationships. That whole love each other at one point and then the next not wanting a thing to do with you. is it a female thing? I only say that because i don't feel like i would be able to do that and i can't remember any of my male friends doing it either(they could have). i understand she might have been slowly building up to it but jeez man it just seems so cruel.

It does! She trusted me more than anyone and we were extremely best friends. We told each other everything. It went from that to absolutely not wanting anything with me and its very shocking and something I don't understand.

Cane someone help me with what I am gonna say?

I've been thinking and thinking and I Just figured out why messed up the relationship. There were times I needed my space but I never wanted her to go? Does that even make sense? I wanted her all for me I know its selfish and I would get mad when she would go with family or friends because I would miss her. So basically I was stuck in this situation the whole time which caused all the fights from me. With her it was different because she didn't mind being with me 24/7. There were obvious signs that I now realize that showed her withering away from the relationship! We lived under my family's home and my grandma never liked her so she couldn't really do much around the house which I realize would suffocate her! I thought she would hold out until we moved out in one more year but I guess she finally had it.

I really want to be with her but I am afraid she had a breaking point and doesn't want anything with me.

Yeah I was blind the whole time and would ignore all the things she would say that made it obvious she was losing interest in everything. I'm trying to move on but it's hard when that person was your only best friend

I think you need to try to stop bargaining with her in your head and accept that it's over. Go no contact and try to heal and move on.

It sounds like she felt you took her for granted and she's just done.

I think you need to try to stop bargaining with her in your head and accept that it's over. Go no contact and try to heal and move on.

 

It sounds like she felt you took her for granted and she's just done.

Exactly you are right. I just can't help but beat myself up mentally for not doing something earlier...