Should i stay, or should i go?

Need any advice from anyone would be much appreciated. Me and my now girlfriend again have been together for 7 years and things have always been great up until Feb of 2014. Back in 2009 we had a son together and after he was born I had purposed and asked her to marry me and she said yes and always thought we were going to be together forever. I then started to notice back in Feb that she started to get very distant from me, not asking how my day went, not giving me a hug and kiss after work anymore or really wanting to spend much time with me or wanting to show me any affection.

So I started to take it upon myself to start doing some investigating and trying to figure some things out because I had began seeing a change in her behaviour which started to question things. So I took a look into our phone records and found out she had been talking to a friend of hers from work a lot quite a lot and I found out was also a guy, one day I had found a price of paper in which had a long thought out note of how she felt about this guy and I didn't like it very much so I confronted her about it and asked what it was all about and she immediately got defensive and turned everything on me about invading her privacy and going through her things. So I then asked her who her friend from work was and she got even more mad at me and told me that he was just a friend.. kind of hard to believe he is just a friend after reading that kind of letter, and the actions of her behaviour. Because of it we broke up she told me she wanted to take a "break" and needed some space from me so she left the house moved in with her mom.

Right then I tried the no contact method and she can only go maybe 3 days before she either wants to see me or call or txt me. We go back and forth for quite awhile fighting, arguing, ignoring, talking, for about 5 months until things started to change a bit and started to work on things a little more. During that time I started to get fit, going to the gym a lot getting my hair cut every weekend, put my registration papers I'm for fall semester school and she could see a big change in me. She then wanted to work things out so I agreed and we moved back in together and started working things out. She had left her old job during that time and found a better job so I felt better about her being away from her friend from work which was a big part in why I agreed. When we moved back in together I did everything I could possibly do to make things right this go around being more supportive, making her feel special sending flowers to her work, buying her flowers every Friday and leaving them on the dinner table so she had a new fresh set of flowers every week. Took a lot of house hold work load off of her so she had more time for herself and less stress but I started getting some of them old feelings back were I was doing so much for her and I was still getting little in return.

There was still no affection really, not much time being spent with me and I began to start feelinging a bit appreciated when all I was trying to do was rebuild a new and better relationship with her. So I began to wonder again what was up and I looked into our phone records again and seen she was still talking to her friend from her old job and I had brought the subject up softly this time considering last time it didnt work out to well. She began to tell me that they were just friends and a short period there was some sort of a feeling there because of what we had went which made her turn to her friend for just a emotional "rebound" nothing physical I could tell because during our 5 months she was still calling me for sex.

She had told me that one week they had a talk with eachother and that they had set boundaries and realized that they were just friends and nothing more then that will ever become of it. But it does bother me that they still even keep in contact and I had sat her down and told her how I felt about it and explained to her that I'm ok with them being friends I'm just not ok with the amount of talk that is going on she agreed and then started to take a few day breaks from talking to him and shortened how long they were talking but even then it still bothered me, it bothered me so bad that I basicslly told her look I don't appreciate you even talking to him when I feel as if I am the only one in this relationship that's even puting an effort out to even try to make things work so I basically gave her an ultimatum. Stop all contact with him and cut off all ties 1 more text, 1 more convo and I am walking out the door and I am done with trying to rebuild things.

She could sense in my voice and tone that I was serious about this and it may have scared her a bit so I figured to give it a few days and see what happens and monitor the phone records again. 3 days pass and not one text or convo until one day he text her and they began to have a conversation again. I pretty much felt disrespected and felt as if my feelings and how I felt about it ment nothing to her and she just didn't care at all one bit and she was going to do what she wanted anything's so I did like I said, I told her she blew it and I left. She had told me nothing is going on and they were just friends and she was keeping her friendship reguardless of what I have to say. She pretty much acted as if she didn't even care that I was leaving when I know she does and I know how this will pan out in the upcoming weeks. So my question is what do you consider I do? Am I blowing things up, am I doing things right or wrong? And I over reacting I don't know. All I know is I feel very unappreciated in how I feel and the things and effort I do and put out for this girl. I love her very much but I will not be a doormat.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Hey man, in my opinion, she seems stuck between you and this guy. And what I don't understand is you both fell in love, you had a child, I'm guessing you are both still legally married unless otherwise not so how can she be horrible as to fall for another guy?

It's clear she likes him. The note explains it all. No-one goes out of their own way to write a note about someone. I used to write love letters when I was a child and back then I was hell bent on getting with my first ever love. And I mean, hell bent! I used to fight my best friend off her so I could have a piece of the cake. Anyway, I think you know what I'm saying... she likes him. That's evident.

The only advice anyone can give you is; TALK TO HER.

You may of already had chats about this before but now, you seriously have to sit her down and make her realise what she has done and is doing to your family. You need to ask her whether it's you or this other guy and she HAS to make a decision then and there otherwise you walk away. Tell her she needs to think about the child and everything you've been through as a couple, from start to marriage, to childbirth and everything inbetween. You need to ask her what has made her change, she might very well tell you things that upset you but what would you rather do, spend the rest of your life with a woman that wants another a man or spend the rest of your life knowing this woman wasn't right for you and at least she came forward and told you how she felt? Do the right thing. Man up and arrange a day for you both to come together, over coffee somewhere maybe or in private. And discuss this properly, once and for all. You have to drill it in her head that after this discussion there is either going to be CHANGE for both of you or that's it, it's over. And by over it means, contact cut. Don't bother reading the phone bills, if it's an online bill then change the password and email it her, just type in loads of letters and numbers, copy it and paste it into the new password box, confirm and make sure you keep the copy of the password to email your then ex partner. Make sure you don't involve yourselves with each other and slowly move on. Not forgetting the child though, you'll have to plan to share him/her or otherwise goto court and get a custody order or make arrangements to see him/her equally by law.

Otherwise, you are just going to go round in circles with this woman. She either wants you or she wants this other guy. And to be honest, some guys wouldn't even give their woman an opportunity to pick between the two, they'd of just been gone. You seem like a really laid back easy going guy and that's no weakness, you seem so forgiving like myself where love has no limits, and even when things like this happen; you just wanna continue even if you means you take an emotional battering along the way. But YOU have to stop this. Maybe she knows that you'll always take her back. She seems to love you but want this other guy. And like I've said numerous times, it's up to HER to decide whether its YOU or HIM.

Just be mature, be adult about this. Arrange a time to meet. Make sure she sees the severity of the situation. You have a child together. You are or were married. That is a big deal. What else do you need to have for her to realise just how serious this is. I feel sorry for you my friend but you are going to have to face the truth one way or the other. Ideally if you can, you need to be talking to this guy if things work out with your partner, you need to tell him to back off and perhaps change the number she's texting/ringing from. If she goes behind your back then that's her loss. She's probably just lost the best thing that ever happened to her. Make sure he knows that YOU are her husband not some best friend, not some flatmate or whatever story she may have hidden you under. You'll be surprised, I've heard of stories where both men and women have used 'friends' and 'flatmates' to describe the person they live with to try and lower the burden of guilt they have to face knowing it's really their husband or wife. If he gives you abuse then he's nothing but a shadow of a man trying to ruin another man's relationship/marriage. He should accept what he's doing but a man about this situation and realise he's rolling around in another man's bed and he should leave you both well alone.

I don't know, that's just my thoughts. The most important thing to do whatever you take from this or whatever you choose to do is talk to her and get the truth out of her. And there has to be repercussions to both answers; Yes or No. Yes being your gone. No being a whole new approach to your relationship including trust building and reigniting that spark and making sure this little experience never happens again.

That's actually one of our biggest issues in our relationship, communication. I'm a good talker as to were she is not.. Most times I try and have a sit down she does more listening then opening up to me and talking about our relationship and figuring things out and a lot of times blows things out of perportion in which turns into her getting upset and running from the conversation. Her most favorite responce is "I don't know" to just about everything it's either that or silence and blank stares..

I will say this... and it took me many years and many arguments to figure this out. Just because your partner isn't a "good talker" doesn't mean they aren't communicating. Sometimes I would tell myself in my mind "shut up shut up shut up" and just let her talk. Even if she only says a couple of sentences, if you interrupt her/him you may never let them finish their thought and it will be forever lost. Also it will make them not want to talk to you because you may interrupt.

Not saying this is the case with you, but just sharing some insight.

Thanks for everyone's advice. I completely understand giving her the chance to speak and I usually wait for a response it's just the way our conversations normaly go is im the one with an issue so it's me that she thinks should be doing all the talking she dosent get that i am trying to talk to her because I'm trying to resolve the issue she just takes it as I have a problem so I must want to fight about it. When I talk to her I get no response really which then I go onto the next subject because she must not have anything to say about the Topic get what I'm saying?

No, I think you've reacted accordingly. She had choices and she ignored results of...

Sadly, she's now got such defensive attitude and some selfishness to boot. And it shows how her mind is working.

Sorry, your relationship has come to this.

Leave ALL alone now and don't fall prey to her 'breadcrumbs'. ( Little nothings- occasional texts etc).

She needs to understand what life is like now with you NOT in it.

She has decieved you and i feel you were pretty darn patient and.. you tried.

If you don't move out you will lose all credibility... And she will continue to disrespect you.

I think you need to read Al Turtle's website (all of it). link removed

A little update since this past week. We didn't speak for a day after then the next I get a txt msg from her telling me she put a bag of clean sheets and blanket she left in my truck for me while I was at work so I had them to sleep on since I had moved back in with her and left to go back to the old house to stay. She also asked if I had wanted her feed my dogs and let them outside while I was at work to make my day easier on me which I dont understand why she would even want to do anything nice for me.

She then text me asking if I was going to be watching our son so she could go to school that night and of course I msg her back because it had to do with our son. I told her I would be there at the apt to watch him while she was in school and when I got there she acted as if nothing even happened and was playing gitty and being flirty with me when I was there, before she left she told me there was steaks marinating in the fridge that if I wanted it for dinner I could cook it to have. Before she left she had said to me and my son that I'll see you guys when I get done school. When she left there were 2 big steaks in the fridge so I assumed she had set it up to have dinner with me that night so after she left I cooked dinner and when she got home dinner was ready and we sat down and had a nice dinner.

Since that night I have been staying at the apt with her again and things seem to be ok because now in the mornings she is giving me a kiss before she leaves for work and seems to be talking to me a bit more while she is working or away. She has been giving me a bit more affection since and we had a pretty good weekend. Friday night we ordered pizza sat down and watched a movie together just us and our son. After work each day on the weekend we have been spending time togegher. Also I haven't been looking into the phone records to see how much she has been talking to her friend because I am actually trying to put some trust into her.

So now my question is, how should I be taking all of this and what advice do you all think you could give in what I should do now?

Sweeping a problem under the rug does not solve it.

Talk to her.

We have had so many sit downs and talks that we are kind of at the point of being burnt out from.. I'm not sure this time would be any different then the rest...

Then you pretend she still isn't in touch with the guy, and she will pretend that what you don't know won't hurt you ---- and everything will be fine.

Not.

Then you pretend she still isn't in touch with the guy, and she will pretend that what you don't know won't hurt you ---- and everything will be fine.

 

Not.

I'm starting to like you, your real like I am. Strait to the point...

I'm starting to like you, your real like I am. Strait to the point...

I just call 'em like I see 'em

Ok so today I found emails that she saved from a conversation she had with her friend. The conversation seemed as if it was on a friend level and not anything along the lines of cheating but why in the hell would she save parts of her conversation with him in her emails. It mainly had to do with how there views on life are and how they see life in general not life together but there views on it. Makes no sense why she would save something like that only reason I can think is because she deletes her texts with him from her phone and saves it to her email to be able to go back and read.

She doesnt respect you. You are losing your manhood to this girl.

Get out. Leave her.

Well we broke up. Again.. Here goes another shot at NC starting today with a child together.