I'm Obsessed With My Ex Girlfriend

Can anyone help as this is getting silly??.........

I'm on Day 21 of No Contact and this morning and finally after nearly 8 weeks since the break up I've seen what has happened.

Because I messed her around for the last 18 months after being with her for 4.5 years together, she was desperate to let me go but she couldn't as she would keep coming back every time I rang her.

I feel guilty and I have had my comeuppance.

I have now become obsessive.

Everywhere I go, everything I do is obsessed by her......and I mean EVERYTHING.

I went to the cinema last night and couldn't even concentrate on the movie for more than a couple of minutes. I go the gym and all I see is her.

This has got out of hand and is way unhealthy and more than anything, I really don't know how to stop this obsession.

I fill all my time with things to do and I'm doing everything that people say to recover and move on.

I'm also seeing a therapist.

I fully understand with what she is trying to do and move on without me and I realise now why she is not contacting me.....she is trying to let go of a waste of space like me and rightfully so.

She has nothing more to do with me because of the pain I caused her - I understand this and accept even though I want to save everything that I foolishly destroyed.

How do you stop being obsessed?

My guilt and my sadness is preventing me from moving on.

I feel dreadful.

what you are saying is natural, but you need to forgive yourself. If you made a mistake, learn from it, be a better person next time.

8 weeks is still fresh about being together so long. But acknowledging that an obession is unhealthy is a good start. Now just go with the flow, try and enjoy life, you will slowly think of her less and less.

Keep busy and focus on you. Find things you enjoy and people you can share those things with. Best of luck.

I want to reach out and contact her but I know this is the wrong thing to do and to let her contact me.

But do you know what? I don't think she ever will and all because I had it easy and ruined it for myself.

I'm obsessing so much that I'm worried I'll never see her again.

All I want is another chance.

Everybody deserves another chance surely??

Whether everyone "deserves" another chance or not, doesn't matter, it's not your call to make. It may or may not happen whether you're "deserving" or not. Living in regret is a rough place to be. I agree w/ appies, you need to forgive yourself. As painful a lesson as this may be, there's NOTHING you can do to undo what's been done. Obsessing and torturing yourself over it will not change this fact.

Continue as you are. You said you know reaching out to her is the "wrong thing to do", listen to yourself and accept your current reality. Fighting it will keep you in obsession and pain. Hugs to you!

You are still very new to this break up and it is going to take time to properly go through all of the stages. It's very difficult to come to realizations and see what your mistakes/contributions were to the relationships' demise. Just give yourself loads more time and eventually you will start to feel better. None of us can tell you when, but it will happen... and the thoughts/obsessive feelings will die down with that time.

Thank you for all your replies.

I just can't let this thought and obsession go.......

I don't know what she's doing this weekend and I find this is the worse feeling.

I wish these feelings would go away.

I want to prove to her that I'm not a horrible person. I want to prove to her that I'm the right guy for her.

I'm devastated......even 8 WEEKS later

I would suggest therapy - especially Cognitive Behavior Therapy. And I think you should try some meditation courses.

Finally, no more checking facebook.

Thank you for all your replies.

 

I just can't let this thought and obsession go.......

I don't know what she's doing this weekend and I find this is the worse feeling.

 

I wish these feelings would go away.

I want to prove to her that I'm not a horrible person. I want to prove to her that I'm the right guy for her.

 

I'm devastated......even 8 WEEKS later

Hughie, the only thing I would suggest at this point is to seek therapy. You need a professional to help you deal with this, clearly you are unable to do so on your own.

I have been in therapy, there is nothing to be ashamed of. With the right therapist, you will work through this.

I would not count on getting back together with your ex though. That ship has sailed. What you should do is learn from the experience so that the next RL you have will be healthier and you will not make the same mistakes. I am a firm believer in turning a negative into a positive. The negative right now is that you treated your ex poorly, she broke up with you, and you are suffering and it's painful. The positive is that, hopefully, you have learned important lessons to take with you into your next relationship. Every experience (good OR bad) is a learning experience, which we can learn and grow from. So learn from this and become a better man going forward.

As far as getting over this one, because you have fallen into an obsession (which is not love by the way), I truly believe you need a qualified therapist to help you sort your feelings out.

Hang on a minute here......

Did you break up with her? or did she break up with you?

I broke up with her 3 times over the 4 years as her insecurity and jealousy was too much. This is why I feel so guilty as I still loved her very much.

We kept on seeing each other and this year the relationship had been growing stronger again......we were both in love with each other and were best friends.

We both told each other this at the beginning of May. 2 weeks later she told me she had been seeing someone else.

Since May the 24th, we've seen each other once.

She text me to say she'd let me know when we could catch up next.......that was over 3 weeks ago.

I'm so upset and down.

I love her very much.

OP: Sounds like maybe it's time to look into therapy?

I broke up with her 3 times over the 4 years as her insecurity and jealousy was too much. This is why I feel so guilty as I still loved her very much.

We kept on seeing each other and this year the relationship had been growing stronger again......we were both in love with each other and were best friends.

We both told each other this at the beginning of May. 2 weeks later she told me she had been seeing someone else.

Since May the 24th, we've seen each other once.

She text me to say she'd let me know when we could catch up next.......that was over 3 weeks ago.

I'm so upset and down.

I love her very much.

Things are all over the place aren't they? You broke up with her yet you are the one hurting because she has now moved on … and, despite still being broken up you thought the relationship was growing stronger whilst she was moving on … which is what she, no doubt, thought you were doing too.

It seems that you both had different agendas. What was the reason behind your continued contact? Did you hope she would change? Were you hoping to hang on to her until you met someone else? Whatever the reason, it seems that she was, quite rightly, assuming that you were moving on and has therefore done the same. In fact, if you were the one always reaching out (as you seemed to indicate) then she may have lost a bit of respect for you if you never indicated in that time that you wanted to get back together.

If you were serious about the break-up, you should have had a clean break so that you could BOTH start moving forwards with your life. If there is continued contact without any intent to get back together then it is inevitable that one of you would get hurt when the other moves on to someone else.

Capricorn - I've started therapy. I'm actually having 2 courses of therapy as nobody (including myself) can understand why I am hurting so much especially as I finished the relationship.

ALB - I guess the reason why we had continued contact was the fact that I still loved her despite her insecurity and jealous issues.

I also didn't make myself very clear in the fact we BOTH contacted each other as I guess we were both lonely and that we were best friends.

The obsession is the worst bit for me.

I'm desperate for her back and I think of all the ways I could've done a lot better........but she pushed and pushed me away and I was sick of her behaviour.

Even this morning my friend and I both talked about a single argument I had with my ex when he was here once and we both agreed how unreasonable she was.

It was over a hung photo of my daughter that she didn't like......I've realised now she was jealous. A bit daft really but I feel guilty!!!!

I fail to look at the negatives from my relationship (trust me there were a lot of them) and I only see the good side. Holidays, weekend trips, dinners out, drinks etc.

It really hurts......really, really hurts in fact.

It's my mind that is playing the tricks.

I find it hard to change the way my mind thinks.

I've joined a gym

I've joined a meetup group (I was with them last night)

I'm in therapy

I'm on anti depressants

I've gone NC

I'm even restricting myself not to go on Facebook - I've been on 3 times this week and for me this incredible as I was screwing myself up by keep looking at her profile.

I'm doing all the things people say on here to move on and to find myself again.

It's just the obsession..................

I agree with a little blue in that you broke up with her multiple times .... doesn't matter why ... and you were still broken up. The reason I say it doesn't matter why is because you still kept sniffing around. It is not fair to either of you not to make a clean break. It's cruel to do that... especially when she has a time limit for having kids.

I think you just want what you can't have. Therapy can really help you if you focus on understanding your longstanding abandonment issues.

If I had another chance, I would have a child with her tomorrow.

At the age of 40 she'll have a child with someone else now as I know she is that desperate and the news will filter through to me somehow eventually (we have 65 mutual friends via facebook) and that is something I'll have to face.

I'm crying my eyes out whilst I write this.

If I had another chance, I would have a child with her tomorrow.

 

At the age of 40 she'll have a child with someone else now as I know she is that desperate and the news will filter through to me somehow eventually (we have 65 mutual friends via facebook) and that is something I'll have to face.

I'm crying my eyes out whilst I write this.

Like I said, want what you can't have. You had four years.

Anyways, it's better to go through this now versus having a child and breaking up again. The underlying issues of her jealousy and your abandonment issues have never changed.