Dumping the perfect guy...

I'm 30 she's 28

I got dumped 3 weeks ago, she just sent me an email saying, that I'm the perfect guy she likes EVERYTHING of me, I'm funny, smart, happy, sex was AWESOME, I never fight or yell, I always make plans to spent a different weekend and not just stay at home and I love her daughter with all my heart but she will let me go bc after 6 month she's not ready no give her 100% and I deserve someone better. I was her first boyfriend after her divorce (6 years ago) and I knew almost all her family. I start the NC but one week later I HAD to read the email again, bc for me it didn't make sense... after I read it, I understood... "she stop having feeling for me". She always had the mood swing and with the PMS broke up a couple of times but we went back to the relationship... but this time is different, she always compare me with one of her old dates, that she dumped him and after few weeks-month they were back together... in her Email she told me I shouldn't contact her and if she try to contact me, I should ignore her, because this dumping stuff will never stop.

Our relationship was AWESOME, a lot of chemistry, we both love to drinks, to play, to be outsite, a lot of good sex, Volleyball, etc..., we only fought few times bc her mood swings...

Right now I still in NC, bc I can't do NOTHING else... if I contact her, it wont help... besides NC would help me to heal if she never come back...

I loved the relationship, I LOVE her daughter (I'll do anything for that little brat), However I'm afraid... if I stop loving her and she could come back, as I said, I LOVED THE RELATIONSHIP AND HER BABY... I never gave her any reason to break up... I never cheated or did anything to disrespect her.

I know that the NC is the only solution for me... if you have another opinion I'll hear it... if you want to slap me in the face I'll take it... just be honest...

P.S: every time I heard something about the F***g Frozen (the movie) that remind me my ex little princess (the little brat), and break my heart...

Two options.

Either she lost attraction for you for reasons that you are not aware of or she met someone else.

I know what you mean about trying to move on...because if you do and lose those feelings...then when they come back....what then?

Truth is....sometimes they DO come back...but the relationship quickly ends again. The problems are still the same.

If you do truly love her.....but you move on....let the feelings subside....and you do eventually get back together, you CAN reignite those feelings again. In fact, it's better to let her go. Let the love die. And if it happens again...so be it. But don't put your life on hold HOPING she will be back.

It took me WAAAY over a year to be over my ex fiance. (who had met someone else...came back to me 4 months later...then 4 months later went back to her!)

I agree....she is with someone else. It's hard...you are going to be missing the 2 most important people in your life. But she said, DO NOT CONTACT HER.

I suggest you don't, or you will be continually hurting.

If you are perfect and your only fights were because of her mood swings, then why on earth would you want her back?

No one is perfect. You even chose that as your screen name...so do you actually buy into the fact that you are perfect?

Thanks for your advice, when she broke up with me there wasn't any guy in the picture, and Ms Darcy is right, I found why the attraction is gone... we stop having OUR PRIVATE TIME... we spent too much time together so both of us stop having "SELF" time... I guess it's too late already...

If you are perfect and your only fights were because of her mood swings, then why on earth would you want her back?

 

No one is perfect. You even chose that as your screen name...so do you actually buy into the fact that you are perfect?

nah.. I'm not perfect but I gave my everything and my 99.99%(except proud) to someone since the beginning, for me it doesn't make sense try something without putting your hearth 100%... why I want her back? bc I believe in relationship, I don't believe you should kick everybody a** just bc you have a fight.. if there's a problem why don't get a solution?.... the only thing that I don't accept in a relationship is physical attacks, insults, or cheating... that never happens to us... so why should give up so easy?.A situation like this happened to me 15+ years ago... with my first GF... she dumped me bc she stop having feeling and I was an amazing guy to her... and she keep texting me (last week was her last txt) telling all the things that any man would love to heard, she has been regretting for over 15 years for dumping me... I don't want that again... it's not OK hurting ppl....

Thanks for your advice, when she broke up with me there wasn't any guy in the picture, and Ms Darcy is right, I found why the attraction is gone... we stop having OUR PRIVATE TIME... we spent too much time together so both of us stop having "SELF" time... I guess it's too late already...

She needed alone time. You didn't.

You two weren't compatible.

Stop pining over her and her decision.

She needed alone time. You didn't.

 

You two weren't compatible.

 

Stop pining over her and her decision.

so I should just move on 100%, and apply my NC for 60 days?.. it's hard, I even went out with another girl but I don't want to start dating until my head is clear....

There's no time frame on NC. Once you apply it - you keep NC until you hear the words you want to hear "I made a mistake and I want you back." But by then you probably won't want to try again because of the giant risk of her hurting you again.

And yes, you shouldn't date until your healed.

I agree with everyone else, I suspect she's with someone else. Go NC and stay NC. Don't be afraid to stop loving her because right now, as much as she says you're the 'perfect guy', fact is she's not with the 'perfect guy'.

.. it's hard, I even went out with another girl but I don't want to start dating until my head is clear....

So Don't date. Since you have been handed some "alone time" (whether you wanted it or not), take advantage of it. Put it to good use. Take your time - reconnect with yourself.

yes - continue with N/C. More than anything do it for your own sanity and well being. It can (and will) help you heal, whether she comes back or not. Because if she does come back, and you get back together - there is still going to be lots of healing to do.

You deserve better, it's easier said than done, if she is saying all that and dosnt want to be with u- that's her loss! You sound like a really nice guy. If a woman wants to be with u she would want to and make time for you.

"She will let me go bc after 6 month she's not ready no give her 100%"

Could be she just fell out of love for you... or, you're just going down diff paths now. it happens

Time for you to work on accepting and healing from this. NC is the way to go.

why I want her back? bc I believe in relationship, I don't believe you should kick everybody a** just bc you have a fight.. if there's a problem why don't get a solution?.... the only thing that I don't accept in a relationship is physical attacks, insults, or cheating... that never happens to us... so why should give up so easy?

It wasn't you that did the kicking... it was her. It wasn't you that gave up on the relationship... it was her. Sadly, the choice here was not made by you, and there's nothing you can do to change what's happened. I get what you say about giving 100% to a relationship, but it's a huge mistake to think that the other person owes you anything based on this; otherwise it's a sort of unacknowledged bribe - if you behave nicely enough, you can influence the other person's feelings.

Where giving 100% IS useful - not only in helping to create a great relationship with the right person - is that if things don't work out, you can feel secure in the fact that the loss of the relationships was not due to neglect or unkindness on your part. You gave it all you'd got, and if that wasn't enough - then the relationship wasn't meant to be. With the wrong person, it will never work, no matter what you do. Take hold of this and use it to give you the strength to let go of her and start on your own healing.

Thank you all for all your advices... I think all of you are right, even her (my ex).

I'm the nice guy, I don't cheat, I don't lie and try to do the right thing always...I'm enjoying my life again, and you are right, that's her lost, she is the one who is missing this crazy guy who did anything just to make her smile, the crazy guy who spent hours making plans for the weekend, the guy who loves her daughter like my own, the guy who wont eat just to give her food if she's hungry, or take care of her if she's drunk. I DO LOVE MY LIFE, the good thing about me, I like to be alone, so loneliness is not a problem, I started already to do the things I used to do before, I'm playing volleyball couple of days per week, gym, bowling on Fridays. Saturdays and Sundays I go out with my Babe (my motorcycle) just around to eat and try new places, when I'm bored I clean my apartment or play the guitar, or go to my parents house to eat (my mother is like a chef and my dad is like a really funny happy guy, so it's happy time with food and drinks). Actually what I miss a lot, is her daughter that's the hardest part, the little 7 years old brat held my hand all the

time, gave kisses, hugs, we could spent a whole afternoon hugged watching a movie, feed the ducks, etc... but I guess is matter of time to forget that little baby.

Actually what I miss a lot, is her daughter that's the hardest part, the little 7 years old brat held my hand all the

time, gave kisses, hugs, we could spent a whole afternoon hugged watching a movie, feed the ducks, etc... but I guess is matter of time to forget that little baby.

That's a difficult, painful one. I really do sympathise; I have always missed my ex-partner's daughter far, far more than I've ever missed him! I always used to wonder how it was that so many step-parents could bring up someone else's children as their own - but now I understand it. You have masses to bring to a relationship, and I wish you well in finding someone who appreciates all you have to offer.

I think you should also be aware that 6 months is just around the "honeymoon period." It's where the other person is perfect. A lot of couples break up around this time because over time incompatibilities start to appear.

mrperferct, I'd really like to private message you. Can you enable it, or can you send me one? Thanks.

I dated a woman a couple of years ago. She said I was perfect 'on paper'. We eventually broke up. She just didn't feel it. She expressed sincere frustration that on paper I was perfect buy she just couldn't love me. There is no why. It just is. There has to be spark and compatibility. If there's no spark, there's no relationship. No one has solved the mystery of spark. Sorry bro, that's a real tough break.

No, it's not OK to intentionally hurt someone but you can't expect someone to stay in a relationship with you if it isn't what they want.

I know it's hard to accept but it doesn't sound as though she thought the relationship was as awesome as you did.

That is really sad, I can appreciate how hard that must be on you but it sounds as though you are doing all the right things to help you move on.

I dated a woman a couple of years ago. She said I was perfect 'on paper'. We eventually broke up. She just didn't feel it. She expressed sincere frustration that on paper I was perfect buy she just couldn't love me. There is no why. It just is. There has to be spark and compatibility. If there's no spark, there's no relationship. No one has solved the mystery of spark. Sorry bro, that's a real tough break.

Agreed. If they don't feel it, they don't feel it. You can't change that. Sorry.

she will let me go bc after 6 month she's not ready no give her 100%.

I think she's given you a good, legitimate reason for breaking up. After 6 months (a very short "relationship"), she realized it's just not for her and can't give you her 100%. Kudos to her for being honest and not dragging something out that wasn't working (for HER).

(I'll do anything for that little brat),..

the little 7 years old brat.

Also, it is possible she wasn't overly impressed with the above ....

Thank you all for your honestly, Have been almost 4 weeks since the BU and the NC, it's weird, I don't feel that I LOVE HER... but I really miss my best friend, the person to play with, drinks, talk, walk around the park, etc..., I went out this weekend with the other lady, but there's no spark... I could had sex with her, but I preferred just to say good bye, and said "sorry I don't want to hurt you", I know who I am, and doing that doesn't make me feel less man... anyway, sometimes I can't sleep and I don't know if it's bc of her.. I wake up in the middle of the night and I remember my dreams I don't dream about her... so no idea what it could be...