Confused... does he want me or not... :-| Help!!

Hey,

So I don't really know how to start, Im looking for some advice about my relationship situation...

Ive recently become singe from this guy I really liked.

Let me start from the beginning, I was dating this other guy (lets call him Greg) Me and Greg were seeing each other for just over 18 months but I wasn't happy. Greg found God, which isn't a bad thing may I add, but it added strain on to our relationship because of our religious differences. We argued a lot and before I knew it I had fell out of love with him. We had had a few arguments all ending up with the dreaded "this is working anymore".

I ended up going on a works night out and I met this guy (lets call him Mike) He told another colleague he really liked me and this got relayed to me, yes I liked him too. Mike came up and spoke to me, he was quite drunk so I dismissed it.... may I add nothing happened between Mike and me on this night out. My friend did come up to me and said stay away hes trouble. (He had an ex that worked at our same company) There was countless of rumours about him treating her badly, cheating, ignoring her etc....

A week later I get a email from Mike and we ended up talking and swapping numbers. I made it clear to Mike that I was not going to cheat on my boyfriend by any means, a week after I started chatting to Mike I ended things with Greg. Seemed like the right thing to do. As my feelings for Mike were getting stronger.

Me and Mike instantly connected and things were so intense. He promised me the world and I fell for it hook, line and sinker!! I could really see myself settling down babies the lot! I was soooooo happy. He told me I was "his one" I couldn't believe my luck. I bypassed the rumours and thought... it doesn't matter, they must be lies...

Well grand total of 6 weeks of what I would call complete bliss... he goes on this night out... he was drinking for 13 hours... I was so worried, I messaged him asking if he was ok?, did he need a lift?... I got nothing but "I'm ok"... I was so worried. The next morning we had a bit of a tiff nothing major just wanted him to know I was worried, Im not the sort of person to stop a guy going out... but from that moment he changed... he lost all interest in me... he ignored me for days. I was heartbroken... all this from caring!

I went in to work and I talked to a close colleague and said what had happened about the night out and with out prompting she turned to me and went "he's ignoring you right?" I was gobsmacked! How did she know?! She went on to tell me that he done this all the time to his ex... she was constantly being ignored. I couldn't believe it!

He told me he needed time to think, he dragged this out for 2 weeks till I said "right I have to meet you now" I saw him and I braved up and ended it (I didn't want to) not in a malicious way there was no row. He seem to accept it and we agreed to be friends.

After this he didn't leave me alone... he became jealous if he knew I was out etc... messaging me saying "I know who he is?" etc was all a bit odd. I told him countless of times that I hadn't met anyone! We started falling back in to old habits and it was like we were seeing each other again (over text, phone, email) just not with the label of a relationship. (He wouldn't meet me though... every time I arranged something, which he agreed too... he cancelled last minute) This continued for another 3 weeks until we did meet again and we both agreed this wasn't working and decided to part... hour later he regretted the decision and wanted me back. I told him he had to fight for me as he had done all this... I hadn't changed he had... and with me saying that he just didn't bother a day later I came in to a work email saying things had changed it was over and we could only ever be friends. Yes games I know... for someone that wanted me back he didn't try very hard. In my head im thinking he did all that so he could have the power back and end things.

Sooo right now ive been dropped from such a height... from him telling me I was his one to nothing... not even worth trying for. He completely messed my head up. He messages me every now and again some times blunt, sometimes lovely, some times he just ignores me.

What I don't understand is why did he change... apart of me (with the rumours of course) thinks maybe hes met someone else... for someone to change so quickly... Ive never experienced anything like that before. I live in hope that he will turn back to the guy I first met... the one that made me blissfully happy... am I hanging on to something that isn't going to happen?? He's mentioned his ex a bit lately ... saying things like "me and her, wasn't always that bad" "she was the only one that could put up with me" Am I being naïve?... should I just cut ties... or wait and hope he wants me back and things will go back to the way they were at the beginning?....

Sorry to ramble on... thank you for reading!

I'm sorry to say, but he sees that you'll settle for crumbs, therefore he uses that to his advantage knowing he can have you at his leisure. Are you comfortable being his option, rather than his priority? That said, yes it would be in your best interest to cut ties, place a higher value on yourself while taking the time to develop some self-esteem.

.... and another very good reason why No Contact and blocking and deleting is such a good idea. Sorry, op but you ignored so many red flags and you confused your feelings of lust and infatuation with love. He never showed you one loving action to back up his words before you said "you started to fall for him." Words without loving actions to back them up are just words.

BTW: He didn't "change" at all. He's exactly all the negative things everyone said he was but you ignored that and you allowed yourelf to become vulnerable to him instead of being cautious until he proved to you, by showing you in actions that backed up his words.

Block and delete him so he can't hoover you back in with his words.

I feel for you I really do but I think you've already answered your question about what you should do. He sounds like a person who loves the chase but not the kill. Meaning he gets excited when he's in a new relationship then quickly becomes bored and into the next one. He sees women as a challenge and therefore he wanted you back when you broke up with him. Cut ties. I know it's easier said then done (and I need to take my own advice) Let someone else appreciate you

thanks for all your advice I really appreciate it. I do have low self esteem. I couldn't help myself and I looked him up on plenty of fish and I found him straight away... I instantly thought... Whats wrong with me?... Why cant he go out with me?... He was loving at the beginning very attentive then it went... just like that. I honestly don't understand why I cant let him go?! I cant get him out of my head... even though the past few months hes treated me badly! I just wish I had a switch to turn these feelings off! I know I deserve better!

It's like quitting cigarettes. You get cravings for awhile and all you can think about is having a smoke. Then after a time and you being strong in your conviction that going back is really not good for your overall health, that going back will just make you a slave to the nicotine once again, that going back will kill you one drag at a time... and you accept you're better off without it, you start to feel better, you have more energy, you learn to socialize without the crutch, you realize that a cigarette really WAS NOT your best friend.

Then Kazam! Next thing you know ~ You're indifferent to tobacco and you never think about having one again. In fact, you're glad to be rid of it.

Join a gym replace one bad habit (him) with a good one and keep off your addiction of choice known as "bad boyfriend." Soon enough you'll be indifferent to "it."

Your all right! I do need to move on! I think where Im grieving for the loss of two relationships its been harder as I never had time to get out everything from my previous one till I went in to the next one! I need to focus my mind on something your right! I just hope I can do this... I keep messing up and messaging him and playing right in to his hands! x

Pretend he's passed on and grieve not having him in your life as if you CAN'T contact him even if you wanted to.

You can't contact the dead... well, you can but you have to have one kick-A crystal ball.