could use some help

This is the first time I've ever posted to a forum. About anything. But I thought I'd give it a shot and see what the internet has to say. Its probably going to be long so bear with me please.

So I met this girl i work with last August. We will call her K. She seemed like a great girl. lots of fun. very attractive. All the stuff that would attract a man to a woman. She is 19 and I am 24 by the way. We start talking and I fall in love. She was interested in me but it took a whole lot of effort to get her to date me. more than almost any other man would put in. I had to stop talking to her for a week. I wouldn't say i begged her to date me because i didn't do that. But i had to have a whole lot of patience. Finally on December 1st we started dating. And everything was great. no fighting or drama between us. The textbook honeymoon period of any relationship. I would leave notes for her at work and bring her lunch for her break when I wasn't working too. Id send her very long sappy text messages about how special she was to me. She would spend the night with me and I would give her a massage every night and scratch her back because she asked me to until she fell asleep. Id even wake up early to take her home if one of us had to work the next day. She would tell me how amazing and perfect i was and how she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me and go anywhere with me. I'd like to think i went the whole 9 yards with this girl because i was so madly in love with her. Maybe it was a little overboard, but she had never had a guy really care for her before and she ate it all up.

Anyways, then Christmas came around. I got her a ring from James Avery and buried it in some of her favorite chocolate in a cute little Christmas container. Then wrote a card telling her how much i loved her and how I cant wait to see where we go. She didn't have anything for me when I gave that to her because she said she didn't know what to get. I didn't mind at all. Eventually she decided she would buy me a new pair of shoes because i needed some and she hated the ones I had.

Starting pretty much right after new years is when my story turns bad. This is about the time that she first told me she loved me. which i guess is actually a good thing. Anyways... she had signed up to do the inventory team at work. Which pretty much means she works at night traveling all over the area every evening for 3 weeks. That was hard because we didn't get to see each other but we still talked as much as we could and she came over a few times to spend the night with me. Turns out she had met a couple guys from another store that she had become friends with. now i only heard this through the grapevine so i cant say if its true or not but they apparently looked at her inappropriately and she would ride with them sitting on the floor in one of those old big "creeper" vans. So yea i was concerned about this. but again i gave her the benefit of the doubt because i loved her and believed she wouldn't do anything wrong. About half way through the last week of her working at night she had started pulling away and not talking to me much. Her birthday was that Friday and i had baked a cake for her and was going to have her and her best friend come over to celebrate. Well She never came. she said she fell asleep and didn't wake up. I mean that hurt me pretty bad because i was trying to do something nice for her and i feel like she blew me off. Again though i didn't mind that much because of how i felt about her. Well after that she completely stopped talking to me and after about a week i had to drive to her house when she got off work and ambush her before she could walk inside to get some answers.I had packed up all her stuff from my apartment into a box and she saw it in my car. I tried to talk to her calmly but she got mad for some reason, saw the box, and just said "give me my and leave". so i did.

I was a wreck. couldn't sleep, eat or anything. like worst of the worst feelings. And remember that Christmas present? Still to this day haven't gotten it. never will. But that doesn't really matter to me. I made the mistake of confiding in her best friend because she and i had become good friends as well. Plus my now ex had been blowing her off as well and acting strange. So i started hanging out with her and another female friend to get my mind off it. Turns out this other female friend has liked me for a long time. like before i met my now ex. I didn't find this out until after we had hung out a while and gone several times to get dinner. Which she considered dates. She did flirt with me and ill admit that i did flirt back mostly because it made me feel better. Which obviously doesn't make it right but its what happened. At this same time my ex started talking to me and we were in the process of getting back together. She began staying over again and although we never talked about actually being official again it pretty much was. I ended up telling the other girl that i was talking to my ex again because i didn't want to lead her on. Then it all blew up on me. Her and my ex got together and she told her what was going on. Then they came over to my apartment at 3 in the morning and yelled at me. She said things like she hopes it takes me a long time to get over this and she hopes i'm miserable. Again heart broken.

After this mess I didn't talk to her for about a month. Then she said she just wants to be friends. And that's where i'm at. I've been talking to her as friends for about two weeks now. Obviously i still love her. And it was never my intention for things to go so wrong. I guess i'm mostly looking for everyone thinks about this situation and any words of wisdom.

bring her lunch for her break when I wasn't working too.

This is one of the many examples of pouring it on too thick without reciprocation. All she did was egg you on and insult your shoes for Christmas.

This moved you into doormat territory, where she further demo'd her lack of respect for you by turning disloyal.

Then you accept the position of 'bad guy' just because you moved on to start seeing someone else? As if that was somehow 'wrong'?

Forget it--she's written you off as no more than someone she can toy around with for amusement if she gets bored, but frankly, she's bored with doing that, too.

The number one requirement for love to bloom is respect. Your problem there is that nobody can respect someone who won't demonstrate Self Respect.

You'll need to dial back the grand gestures with your next lover. Occasional ones toward someone who who treats you equally as preciously are okay--but 'occasion' is a key word, as is 'equal'.

Head high and learn the value of the lessons. A lap dog is only cute until it becomes annoying. When a man fails the witch test (look it up as the B word) by accepting mistreatment without defending himself and failing to behave in ways that demo concern for his own self interest, then respect goes out the window and he'll be used as a convenient doormat until someone attractive comes along.

Respect your Self.

I'm a little confused as to when you started confiding in her friend? Although it sounds like you didn't get too close to her until after the breakup, your friendship with her may have been what threw off girl K in the first place. All I know is, if I leave town and my boyfriend starts hanging with some other female friend, you can bet I'm not going to be too cold to the other guys I'll be meeting. Granted, she should have communicated with you her feelings and at least made an effort for Christmas. All in all, she was a crappy girlfriend. Still, you claim this other girl liked you "long before" your now ex-gf. This makes me think you communicated while dating girl K - which is fine, but don't think girl K didn't know the dynamics of your friendship with this other girl.

Regardless, girl K should have told you her feelings and at least bought you a damn present. But you can't be surprised she pulled away/flirted with other guys if meanwhile you have female friends who are crushing on you

To clarify. there were three girls involved my ex, her best friend,l and then this third girl who was also our friend. I had been friends with her for a while. I met my ex because of her. But i never knew she liked me until my ex had broken up with me.