Broke up due to family complications..What to do now?

My ex-boyfriend of 2 years and I broke up around February of this year. From what I know, his family never really liked me for stupid small reasons like I'm too small for him (he's 5'10 and I'm 4 8 ), I spend too much (his family is pretty frugal), and in general, his sister and mom hates me. The thing that irks me is that I've never really officially met them and yet they hate me. All that they based their opinions off of is the few times they might have seen me at the hang outs at his house (our friends used to stay in the basement of his house to hang out...but his family rarely came down to see us).

Recently, he graduated and started working. I think this is when the problems started. I guess his family realized that we were in a serious relationship when it didn't look like we were going to stop being together any time soon. His mom started acting out and saying that whenever she thought about us together, she would get migraines and lay in bed for hours. He fought back and kept saying he wanted to stay with me but she refused to listen. Apparently her motherly "intuition" was great and that she thought we were not fit for one another. It eventually got to the point where he couldn't take her laying around in bed and guilting him everyday so he told me we had to break up. After the break up, we tried to get back a few times and work it out...thinking of ways to convince his mom and sister to change their minds about us, but they were so adamant about it.

He tried sitting them down calmly to talk, he tried screaming/yelling, and even drank to the point where he sat in his own vomit for a few hours with his mom weeping at him. Nothing worked. We're out of ideas. At the beginning of this month, after weeks of not talking to them, his family came up to him and gave him an ultimatum of them or me. If he picked me, they told him to move out when he felt like he could and to never contact them again. My ex is super family oriented...he doesn't have a huge amount of friends and his family has always been around so he's ridiculously scared of them actually leaving (apparently they haven't spoken to his grandfather for a decade since he married someone they disapproved of). After this, he was adamant about us staying broken apart because he couldn't think of any way to change their minds. He started withdrawing from his friends and every time I bring up the subject of maybe trying something to get together again, he gets super angry and says that nothing will change them. They dislike me and with their old-fashioned mindset, they would never change. His mother and sister are very overpowering and anything he says they would brush aside as nonsense since they "know what is best for him" and his father doesn't help because he would just go with whatever his mother says once she starts acting out.

At this point, I don't know what to do anymore. Is there any way of salvaging this situation? I have brought up the idea of him moving out and possibly compromising with them to let him come home for family events even if I can't go. He said that it would be unfair for me and that I should have a boyfriend whose family isn't so judgmental. He refuses to try again because he doesn't want to hurt me every time we go through this cycle and end up with his family acting out even more. It all sucks majorly.

I'm also worried that they will constantly force decisions on him by holding his family's abandonment over him. I don't think that would be very mentally healthy. He refuses to talk about the situation to other friends and is isolating himself, not wanting to go out and wanting to only work so he can ignore the problem. I'm not sure if any of this is good for his mental status.

It sounds like it is over. They gave him an ultimatum and he chose to end things with you.

If he was really interested in making this work, he'd have moved out on his own a long time ago.

First of all, none of those are stupid reasons.

You may not think you're height is an issue, but I'd stare @ you if you were with a guy his height, straight up!

And 5'10'' isn't even tall for a guy, it's average.

Don't belittle the reasons...

Whether you acknowledge them as big or not, they were enough to break you up.

As for the family situation... DAMN!

Unless they are high society and you're some Untouchable I can't say I've ever heard of hostility to that degree.

Are you of completely different religions?

They must REALLY not want you around.

Personally, I couldn't be with someone if their family thought I was some ugly loser bug they wanted to squash.

This relationship is really and really over.

Sorry, girl.

But you deserve to be with someone who has a family that LOVES you.

I highly disagree that those are not stupid reasons. Unless you directly affect them in some horrible way, they have no reason to destroy your relationship. They think you look "odd" standing next to eachother? Boohoo Why would that matter? If he likes you, that is the Only opinion that should matter. Son/ brother or otherwise, your ex bf's love life is absolutely NONE of their concern. This is a highly dysfunctional family dynamic who needs family counselling.

Unfortunately, you got the short end of the stick and ended up with someone who allows this dysfunction to disrupt and control his life. Until he realizes that boundaries need to be set, he'll never be in a position to date you, or anyone for that matter. As much as you like him, it is best to move forward

It sounds like it is over. They gave him an ultimatum and he chose to end things with you.

 

If he was really interested in making this work, he'd have moved out on his own a long time ago.

I guess I need the part of me that is holding onto him to really give up. It's a bit hard since I don't think it was a problem with a relationship, but more of a problem with how he deals with his family issues.

First of all, none of those are stupid reasons.

You may not think you're height is an issue, but I'd stare @ you if you were with a guy his height, straight up!

And 5'10'' isn't even tall for a guy, it's average.

Don't belittle the reasons...

Whether you acknowledge them as big or not, they were enough to break you up.

 

As for the family situation... DAMN!

Unless they are high society and you're some Untouchable I can't say I've ever heard of hostility to that degree.

Are you of completely different religions?

They must REALLY not want you around.

Personally, I couldn't be with someone if their family thought I was some ugly loser bug they wanted to squash.

This relationship is really and really over.

Sorry, girl.

But you deserve to be with someone who has a family that LOVES you.

No, we're actually from the same religion and we're almost the same race (we're both asians but he's from a different part of asia). His family just has a mentality where if they don't get their way, the world is going to end. And it has always been that way for him. They've chosen his career, his car, where he lives, etc. I don't think he has ever really had a say in any of the choices they made for him including the one they're making for him right now with our relationship. I do agree that I should have a boyfriend whose family would love me regardless.

I highly disagree that those are not stupid reasons. Unless you directly affect them in some horrible way, they have no reason to destroy your relationship. They think you look "odd" standing next to eachother? Boohoo Why would that matter? If he likes you, that is the Only opinion that should matter. Son/ brother or otherwise, your ex bf's love life is absolutely NONE of their concern. This is a highly dysfunctional family dynamic who needs family counselling.

 

Unfortunately, you got the short end of the stick and ended up with someone who allows this dysfunction to disrupt and control his life. Until he realizes that boundaries need to be set, he'll never be in a position to date you, or anyone for that matter. As much as you like him, it is best to move forward

I do agree that I ended up with someone who is allowing his family's dysfunctional thinking to affect his life. His mentality is that he rather be depressed and hurt rather than cause his family to be broken up/hurt too. He keeps allowing them to assert their opinions before his own when it comes to choices that he should be allowed to make. I guess it is best to move on and leave him to think on his own.