I'm stuck here and really could use some advice

Let me sumarize things. We dated in University, when we were 20. Then, when we were 30, we met in a convention and attraction was amazing - we ended up in my bedroom. She was married, so the story ended there. A few years later, though, she divorced. She asked me for a date and things fastly evolved to a serious, commited relationship. She has two kids, who only knew we were a couple after we were together for a year. I loved those kids, and they loved me back.

We spent two amazing years together. We traveled, had fun, talked a lot. We talked about one day having a kid. I wanted us to move in together, she said she needed more time to make that decision, because of the kids. I respected that, I always respected her time. But, whith time passing, I began feeling she wasn't respecting me. I travel a lot, I work late hours and I'm a professional dj- meaning I go out at night often. She complained a lot about my lifestyle. I tried to change what I could and that's when things got cold. I wasn't being me and we broke up. She broke up, to be honest.

During the first few months I mantained hope of getting her back. I was trying to make the changes she wanted, within reasonable limits, and conquer her. She, on the other hand, began treating me with great arrogance. So I told her we needed to stop contacting eachother, in order of me to heal. She said that was my problem, not hers. That hurted a lot, and I moved away. She, on the other hand, tried to approach my friends, talked to them a lot about me - and not always in a good tone. It's as she was trying to value herself by hummiliating me.

I started dating other women, even believed to fall inlove with a new person (big mistake), started learning tango, going to the gym, out with friends, etc. One night we met in a friends party and conversation was nice. We decided to talk again, «kids miss you», she said. We went for coffee a few times, I took the kids to the park a few times, but normality without intimacy wasn't working for me.

Six months ago, I understood she had met someone else (she bragged about it on facebook). She invited me to her bday party and I told her I wasn't going, it would be strange for me to be with her friends and family. She said «well, that means you're not over me.» Then she made the most childish of moves: she began telling everyone, includind some of my friends and coworkers: «My ex is not over me. I totally understand why.» I stopped all contact immediately.

A couple of weeks after this episode, she came to a party I was organizing and playing music, and she brought her new boyfriend with her. She made a point of dancing in front of the Dj table, and kissing the guy in front of me. I wouldn't give her the taste of reacting, but I was a bit disturbed. After that, she has been coming to every party I play in, sometimes with her bf, sometimes with her friends.

I killed most of the contact and we reached a point where talking to eachother is really a sacrífice. I recently decided to stop dating other women and just deal with me. I'm trying real hard for a year now, I'm doing my best. But I still have feelings for her - I both hate her for being so cruel to me and hate myself for not being able to stop thinking about her in a passionate way.

I'm stuck. And I don't know where to go. Any advice?

You did what you shouldn't have done.

Not only should you have found a date to go to her birthday party to prove her theory wrong you are acting like NOT dating is what is best for you when clearly that is something you should be ABSOLUTELY doing right now.

Get out there and meet some girls, you are more worried about what she thinks of you at this point than what you should be doing. She is calling your bluff as a man right now for not dating rather than your feelings lol.

Take a girl out, and at this point any girl and build it up. I don't think you need to work on yourself too much at this point, you just have to work on your game about talking with girls.

Thanks for your answer, but let me just add this information: in the past year I dated quite a lot, had lots of sex, and now I'm just feeling tired of the game.

There was this particular girl I was with lots of times, she has a great personality and cares a lot about me. But she's falling inlove with me and I'm not corresponding. It's unfair to keep things going, you know? Then there was this girl I really liked, but she wasn't into me. Like i told you, I'm just tired of the game.

Thanks for your answer, but let me just add this information: in the past year I dated quite a lot, had lots of sex, and now I'm just feeling tired of the game.

 

There was this particular girl I was with lots of times, she has a great personality and cares a lot about me. But she's falling inlove with me and I'm not corresponding. It's unfair to keep things going, you know? Then there was this girl I really liked, but she wasn't into me. Like i told you, I'm just tired of the game.

So maybe you should change your lifestyle to see what fits you instead of the women you chase. You don't sound like you have it all that bad only making problems for yourself rather than addressing the issues.

You don't want the "game" of chasing women, but you want that "one" to decide on. So go for the "one". Other than that chasing something that either A) has moved on or not interested. or B) someone you aren't interested in and cut her off to spare her feelings and you just go and find someone new.

You don't have a problem with women, you just want someone to settle with and trust me Mister, but I think you will get a good one if you give it some time now. Neither one is something you really want to settle with at the moment and I would leave them both alone till you decide what you want and who you are after.

Stay single, you will enjoy it more and you know you will. You are looking for a problem where there really isn't one.

I think you should go easy on yourself. It sounds like your relationship with this woman was passionate and exciting - perfectly normal to still think of her in a passionate way, even though she is behaving like an A-hole right now.