Please some one help me

Me and my partner broke up 3 weeks ago on Sunday

The background is - I've known him since I was 14 our relationship was a friendship and we've been togther for 2 years I have a 9 month old son with him and 2 children from previous relationships

Nothing major went on no one cheated or lied no one did anything that was massively wrong

He left because he couldn't cope I was forever havin ago and complain at him I was forever at him

Anyway I've begged cried u name it I've done it in the last 3 weeks

He's not seen the kids and he seems to not care

The positives - he's said he loves me to other people he's also said he wants to come home but I make it impossible for him to do so

Please I don't wanna hear how I should move on and forget he ever happened because I can't

I can't eat sleep or function properly I'm a complete mess and I've done nothing but try and get him back for 3 weeks straight now

I admit I constantly call and text goin from beggin to anger and so on

Is it to late for no contact? Someone please give me the best advice on how to get him back

Please I don't wanna hear how I should move on and forget he ever happened because I can't

The amount of times we hear that on eNA. Thing is, you might not have a choice other than to move on if he is done because you can't force him to go back to you.

All you can do is stop with the begging, pleading and crying and give him the space to experience life without you and thus POSSIBLY miss you. The more you try to convince him to come back the more he will he will dig his heels in. This will also give you the space to reflect on your relationship and also come to terms with the fact that you might not have a choice in the matter.

It is going to be hard to maintain NC because you have a child together and he should want to see him but for the time being I would let him make all the contact and when you do talk to him only speak to him about your son/children.

If I start no contact as from this moment on rather than message him all the time

Will this work? My heads a complete mess about all this and I end up bein completely frantic about it all

ALB is right; a lot of times people do the exact opposite of what we try to convince them they should do, just because. They dig their heels in. In fact, the term "reverse psychology" sprung from this phenomenon; also, "arguing the opposite". If you keep crying and begging and pleading, he will probably keep doing the opposite of what you say. If you come at it from a different angle, you might have a chance.

Try going silent on him for a week. I know that probably sounds impossible right now, but you can do it. You really can. You are a strong woman, a mother who wants the best for her children and would die to protect them. Right? Right. And during that week, try really really hard to put yourself in his shoes and see things from his perspective. Write a letter to you from him. Pretend you are a defense attorney arguing his case, and argue his case to a friend or even on here in a post. Getting a different perspective on things might allow you to say, "I understand why you needed to leave. I know what I need to do to improve myself." Because that is what he wants to hear, not more of the crazy that made him leave in the first place. You know?

Good luck to you. I really hope you two can work it out. Keep posting more here while you're in NC, because it really does help to distract you. And there are great people on here who have great advice to give.

In your situation I wouldn't say anything. No more emotional stuff. He is probably done hearing it right now. I would just go quiet on him and give him a shock. If he receives yet another emotional speech from you, it would just be a relief to him knowing that you are going to stop all contact with him.

That said, he does have a responsibility to his son and he should want to see him. Once he knows that your emotions are settling he might well reach out to see his son (and maybe your other children depending on the relationship he had with them) anyway but if not then it will fall on to you to make contact. When either one of you does make contact in regards to your son, you need to make sure that you only talk about your son. If you start talking about "us' again, he will run in the opposite direction once again but you can cross that bridge if or when it comes to it.

You have tried everything. The only think you have left is NC (or rather LC in your case). If he thinks you have accepted things and are making attempts to move on, it could be the kick up the butt he needs. However, I can't stress enough how you need to use this time to try to accept the fact that this might really be it.

Ok so my no contact started as

From last night and already it's killin me

I don't want him to forget about me or learn to live without me type of thing

The whole thing has crushed me and I can't understand it I don't really understand how this has happened

But I no that I've caused a lot of damage these last 3 weeks with beggin etc I went from hurt to anger every day resulting in blackmail and threats then back to the whole sorry take me back

My heads a total mess and all I can think about is when will he message me when will the whole ignoring him process start

I'm completely heart broken with this and I don't wanna accept it's over espi with our past and history and all we've been through

I've tried keepin my mind of things but I could do with some comfort and reassuring words

Will he miss me? Will he think about me? I feel so empty I have so many questions and no answers

I clearly don't understand how men work lol

Input anyone???

Give him his space and don't smother him with anything, don't call, text or see him until HE decides he is ready. He wont decide in the next minute, hour or day or maybe weeks. But you have to calm yourself down, cry all day if you have to, but understand that if you leave him alone that things WILL get better.

And don't care or think about if he cares, or misses you. I am a man and he does think about you and he does care (if he is indeed a caring guy) but right now its not fixable at the MOMENT. Both of you need some time to get your heads clear, trust me, if he cares about you he will come around. But YOU have to stay strong and firm now. Show him you are a grown woman that can take care of her own.

You seem like a good girl, but the more you cave the more he knows you aren't leaving him. I thought that too when I got smothered and you know what changed it all when my woman left?

She was gone!!! I tried like hell to get her back, only, I needed to improve myself in order to win her back. She stayed strong and even though she is lonely she will NOT let me re enter her life until I am completely shaped up to her satisfaction. Women hold that power over men if they stay true to themselves. You have it in you so do it to him, he will LEARN very quickly if you brush him off and make it look like YOU are the one that doesn't care. And also that HE doesn't deserve YOU.

If you do that, and make sure HE knows what he did wrong about things, not only will you get him back but he will be back a lot better than before. If he really doesn't care about you Kay, then you aren't leaving much at all.

Thanks so much for ur input

I spoke to a friend today who had seen him a few days ago and aparently he was upset and hurt but didn't like it when he didn't hear from me

I've managed not to message him all day trust me that in it's self is a mirical lol

I just hope I haven't pushed him away to far and he dosnt come back

Not got much hope anymore

If he is gone.......so what dear. Then he is a lot weaker than you thought. A man that wants a woman will make it well known at the right time. Its either his emotions will make him spiral out of control or he will come back to you and will want to make things right.

Just focus on what you need to change for yourself. And step one is to show him that you just don't need him right now. If he cares about you he will be back, but, do not give into his first attempt..........that should be step 2.

Its a long process, but you have to beat that into your head at the moment. Things will not be happy and healed TODAY. So, just take your time and heal up and learn that this is going to make you much better down the road.

So day 2 of no contact

Couldn't sleep at all tossed and turned all night

Still nothing said from him and it's killing me

Positive is I haven't cried during this time because I've not text him I've not been upset about him ignoring me or upset he says no to cumin back so that's a plus no tears butttt still feel like crap

He spoke to a mutal friend about things and he clearly cares and he clearly loves me will this be enough to bring him back with the space of no contact

Who knows? He might even know yet. All you can do is continue to give him breathing space. Try to stay active and busy to help keep your mind off things and to help the days go quicker.

And, of course, you can come back here as often as you need.

Stay strong!

Yea I must admit cumin on here does help me alot

I still have a lot of hope he will be back but I have had nothing to go off at all

If he's talkin to mutal friends about it that must be a positive thing I think and the mutal friend defended my side aswell

Feeling so bloody lost about the whole thing I'm looking for tiny bits of hope and I haven't got anythin to keep me going

I just wish he'd talk to me or contact me so I can start the whole ignore him thing sounds daft but it's the only way to get him back now

I no drivin him as mad as I've been isn't the best out look buttt it the ignorance drives him mad enough hell do the same things I've done the past 3 weeks and we may get some where

But until then I feel like a sitting duck time dosnt seem to pass quick enough I wanna fast forward to about Wednesday just so I can see if he'd have messaged me by then

I'm gonna be in shock when he does message me though

Weather that be about the kids or anything else because I'm gonna be so scared of messin up I'll not be able to reply anyway

I just wish he'd talk to me or contact me so I can start the whole ignore him thing sounds daft but it's the only way to get him back now

I no drivin him as mad as I've been isn't the best out look buttt it the ignorance drives him mad enough hell do the same things I've done the past 3 weeks and we may get some where

I understand that. Even at 46 I wish I hadn't been quite so "giving" when my ex-bf contacts me. It's not that I want to play games to get him back … that can't and won't happen … but I at least want to pros to myself that I have the strength to do the right thing. Now I wish he would contact me again so that I can prove to myself how much in control I am. It is silly really but we are just trying to protect ourselves.

Yours is a precarious situation because of the son you have and the children you have brought up together so you are going to have to respond or have contact at some point …. but the key issue here is HOW you respond. You can always come back here before responding/making contact.

Well he has said to a mutal friend

He dosnt like me goin quiet because he dosnt no what I'm thinkin or what's goin on in my mind

But he always tests the waters with the kids

So it's usually how are they

Or send me photos buttt then when I reply he goes back to ignorin me and I result in beggin again so for a few weeks

I'm gonna ignore any messages if he wishes to see the kids he nos where I live

He's expectin me to give him as he says

So basically I stop textin and then I give in and go back to messaging him where as this is the longest I've gone without sayin a word so I'm hopin he'll sit and think about

What I'm doin

Why haven't I messaged him etc and that might help light the miss u bit of it

This is typical dumper behaviour. He feels safe knowing you are still there for him and when he knows that you are, he can go off on is own little path again until the next time he needs to know that you are still there ready to catch him if he falls.

Ignoring him if he contacts you about the children is a not good idea. That would either show him that you are still bitter or that you are trying to cause drama … and it may well cause unnecessary drama. Your best bet (for the sake of the children too) is to be as civil and as amicable as possible … and why give him any more reason to want to move on from you anyway. You would be giving more validation to why he chose to leave in the first place. You just need to keep all communication you do have with him under control (meaning you talk about the children only and don't go down the begging/pleading/relationship talk route).

Took a massive step today and realised some of my behaviour over the past 12 months is shockin! I've threatened blackmailed called him name been foul about things and I feel awful about it

Today I gave him back belongings I'd kept just out of spite was painful it ripped my heart out to let it go and I had to pass it through a friend because he still won't see me

Completely lost and don't no at all if it's worked in my favour

But it was a step to but my wrongs right I suppose

Hello. One of the main reasons to do No Contact is so you can get yourself together, it can help the other person miss you, give them space to think, etc., but if your thoughts are not clear, then even if the person comes back you're going to have a hard time controlling your emotions.

Talking to mutual friends, sending him back his stuff, all of those situations will cause a reaction, and you might also be expecting certain things, and that's not going to help you.

No Contact means you stop doing things related to the other person, and give that time and thoughts to yourself, so you can be less worried, so you don't feel like you're dying inside, so you can sleep better at night.

It's not bad to cry, let it all out, experience the loss a tiny bit at a time, then get hopeful again and carry on with your life. We don't know if he's going to come back or not, but it's important that you are ready for ANY outcome, even the best one.

Take care.