First break up, hurts like hell

I broke up with my girlfriend last week of almost 3 years. We are both 21 and both firsts. It was like a miracle when I met her, on a chat room, somehow got started talking then got her skype, found out she only lived about 50 minute drive away then we went from there.

Before that neither of us were very out going. Admittedly I just sat behind my computer most days and it didn't really bother me. She was going through a tough time with depression and anxiety issues but we talked lots then eventually met up. I helped her overcome the end of her problems and we got together and it was amazing. We did only see each other every weekend though. I drove up there and we always did something and come the end of the weekend I used to hate driving back because I would miss her. She'd come down every other week and stay at night at mine but that was it.

We always spoke of how amazed we were we met each other, spoke about the future etc. Her family were like they were my own and that is also ripping my heart out. They were great and I will miss them just as much.

Anyway the end of last year I bought my own place in my town, so blinded and fascinated at the prospect she moved in with me (pretty much relocated) and from there it just went downhill. We argued so much and my mind kept wandering. Come December I had to end it but immediately regretted it and got back with her the next day because I wanted to give it another try. Anyway 3 months on and I found there was no improvement in arguing. I didn't feel she was doing enough around the place when she probably was. We hardly went out, but I never fancied it because I was always too tired and couldn't be bothered. Now I regret this and I'm constantly beating myself up over it.

I ended it again, disgusted I had put her through heart break once more and at first I was fine but a week on I can't cope. I broke down to her on the phone. I've cried every day and I'm so lonely. I've been out with friends and seen my family but every moment I'm alone she's on my mind. She was so caring, never drank and would have died for me. Now I've lost her I've realized I've probably lost the best thing thats happened to me. My flat feels like a prison. She's supposed to be here. It just feels like I'm gonna take years to move on from this. We've decided on NC as obviously it's for the best and again, I know I messed up but I'm trying to learn from this.

I need advice to get on from this? My Mom lives an hour away. Would it be crazy to go and stay with her for a few days or is it best to ride it out on my own in this flat?

Deep down, aside from the pain and loneliness/missing her that you feel right now...do you think breaking up was the right thing to do?

Yes and no.

I think I expected too much. It was hard because I was paying for everything which I knew before she moved in. She contributed where she could but I let my short temper get to me. I also kept thinking I was still so young, do I really want to commit to this? What else is out there? But now I've done it, I realise now how much I am lost without her. I think I let other peoples actions make me question and each argument/falling out help me push her away in further. I took her for granted. The thought of her moving on with somebody else makes me sick to the stomach.

Obviously there's no chance of getting back with her - for both our sakes.

I've spoken to my mom and I'm staying there for a night or 2.

Good! Go stay with your mom for a little while, anything to get out of your place for a few days and get some relief. Do what you need to do to get through this and you WILL get through it. Yes, it hurts like crazy. Some days will be better than others but it will get easier and better over time. Keep taking care of yourself and trust it will get better. Hugs.

So it'll be 4 weeks Friday post BU but I will say 3 weeks really because the 1st week was a funny one. I was fine all week then come Friday all my emotions caught up with me and I cried my heart out. I pleaded with her on the phone. It was horrible.

I feel I am getting better. I have been out with my friends twice the last 2 Saturday's and it was great to see them and have a good night out. Got a new car and seen my family alot more.

Now, my real problem lies with living on my own and everything before the weekend. Yeah it's great at times but other times I feel so down. Like, the past 3 days I've been on a first aid course and each day I've come back I've been expecting her to be there and for me to tell her how it was, and what I did. Truth is, I walk through the door and nobody is there. I also get this effect when I'm feeling a bit upset, she was always there to listen. I actually sent a text to my friend the other day and unlike hers would be, his reply was very dull and brief. I sort of sent it as if it was her.

It's the little things, and sat here writing this now I'm getting a bit upset. It's just so lonely in this flat. If I still lived with my Mom this would be 10 times easier. Yeah I can find things to do but in the evenings it sucks.

...and for some bizarre reason the past 3 nights out of the whole break up I've dreamt about her. What!