Why am I so bad at making/keeping friends? Help

Hey everyone,

I'm a 17 year old girl, a senior in high school. I look at all the other seniors and think "Wow, they all have groups of friends and are outgoing and funny" and I'm just walking around like a loner. I have literally one friend, and she's a junior, and she's very outgoing and has many acquaintances, but I am her only really really close friend. Throughout my life the most amount of friends I've had at one time is 3 or 4.

I'm actually good at meeting new people, I like to do it and I'm nice and sometimes funny, but for some reason I can't make more than 1 or 2 close friends. BUT, the close friends that I DO have love me so much and often cry over me when I leave/cannot hangout. I tend to get very close with very few people, and they love me a lot and then I somehow end up hurting them and they cry and we don't talk anymore.

For example I didn't talk to this one girl I was very close with for ONLY 3 DAYS and she started crying and wouldn't come out of her room for a few days because she was so sad because she thought I wasn't friends with her anymore. For another example, I hungout with this guy who liked me and lived sort of far away a couple times, and he CRIED the second time we hungout because he was so scared he wouldn't see me again. He said I was so different, and unique, and I had something that "cut so deep," and he never in his life had gotten attached to someone so quickly.

I also visited some of my oldest friends who now live in Texas, and they've already cried TWICE over me because they were afraid I was going to leave their life.

SO, my problem is THAT I FEEL LIKE A and that I somehow end up stop talking to these few close people, and end up hurting them. AND I'M SO BAD AT MAKING NEW FRIENDS. WHY DO I HURT THEM? Why the heck am I so bad at making new friends? I open up VERY slowly, but when I do open up, for some reason people "fall in love" with my personality, as I've been told. But why? I don't know why!! So please someone help, how can I make new friends and keep old ones without hurting them?

Thanks so much

Sounds like me. When i was in school I didn't have a lot of friends. I only had a cpl of close ones. That's all we need.

Dont worry about those groups.

Years down the road they may even end up on your FB. Mine did, because we knew each other from being around each other for years.. years later, with this FB, we all found each other again.

Everyone 'grew up' and matured. No matter what occurred back as teens, all is done. We grew up & became mature adults and friends.

As for all this crying? Sounds odd.. I understand moodiness and puberty but come on!

You do NOT hurt them.. they need to 'grow up a bit'. Get over it.. sheesh.

Dont feel bad for their behavior.

Anyways... keep going. As long as you have a few good, close friends.. all is fine. Least ya have that.

Ya, the crying sounds a bit odd...like maybe the friends you have are a couple of odd ducks themselves...

Anyway, all I can say is don't worry about it so much...just try your best to be yourself, friendly, smily, outgoing, and people will naturally be drawn to you At your age, things change rapidly...one day you could have a million friends, the next none if you don't play your cards right...there is so much politics in high school!

Here's a little story for you because I can't help it....When I was in high school, I was very popular...class president, on all the sports teams, boys liked me, etc.... I moved to another city for university and was SO CONFUSED when people didn't naturally gravitate to me...what the heck! Now over the years I've had to go through the same thing you are going through now....why can't i make friends easy while others gone???

My point here is that the important thing is that things change after high school....also though the important key aspect in making friends is considering what you can offer to them I think. If you are a nice person who is friendly and fun to be around...people will eventually come around

I know you said you open up very slowly, but maybe try to push yourself out of your comfort zone a little bit to be more outgoing and open to hanging out with new people. This doesn't mean you have to "open up" in a sense that you're sharing your personal details but I mean at that age, you have plenty of random stuff and things in common to talk about with anyone you talk to at your school. Talk about class, teachers, homework, the football game, movies, etc etc. What you need to understand is that friends will come and go and only a small percentage of them will last anyways. Some people are lucky and make their lifelong friends when they are in 3rd grade. Some people don't get those friends until college or even grad school. The point is - to get those friends you have to sort through the ones that will come and go to find the ones that will stay. ALL your friends will bring value to your life, but I'm just saying if you want that group of close friends it normally comes with meeting LOTS of people and also learning the answers to your questions like how to keep friends, how to communicate with them, how to make more friends, etc. It's your last year so just enjoy your senior year and reach out. In college you should consider joining a fraternity or sorority or clubs at the beginning to make friends quickly.

Thats really weird! I get weird reactions from others too but this!? Wow! They cry!? Are you sure? Maybe they are trying to take advantage of you or something or... you might need to step back and ask yourself if u might be a little delusioned? Please don't take that the hard way but crying is nuts.

If you checked yourself, and your not delusional then this is your problem:

You tend to befriend people who are "clingy" or "emotionally weak". If so, it is THEIR self esteem issues with themselves that is the problem. Most people recommend you get the hell away from them, but if you simply like those kinds of people, which is understandable because they tend to be nice people, then that's OKAY, but you need to change your thinking around them. Thinking that any of this is your fault only fuels their emotional issues, and takes a toll on your own.

You can help them but at the same time you have to stand up to them. Encourage them to not be babies. If one of them tells you "I can't live without you" just tell them "What? don't be such a baby, I mean, I like you, but crying is for wussies. Your not a wussy are you? Good." *sucker punch in the gut*

Don't really sucker punch them lol.

Sympathize a little by explaining to them they have emotional issues, and that you can support them but they need to do most of the weightlifting by realizing their issues.