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  1. #1
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    Angry My ex-Wife is messing with my parenting time, again.

    All,

    My ex-Wife dropped my daughter off early yesterday and just said (to my daughter), "I'll see you when your father drops you off."

    I was blindsided, but delighted, that my daughter was over early, as I hadn't seen her during my ex's uninterrupted two weeks during the summer.

    After four hours (the normal length of my parenting time for non-overnight visits) my ex started texting me, asking where I was and telling me I was past our 15-minute rule. She threatened to call the police and have me found in contempt of court for keeping my daughter past my parenting time hours.

    She claims that she said (to my daughter), "I'll see you when your father drops you off at 4." My brother was very close by and neither of us heard her say a time. I just assumed it was extra parenting time, since I hadn't seen her in two weeks.

    Because she scheduled her summer weeks the way she did, she was scheduled to have my daughter for 5 weeks in a row without any overnight visits to my house. She and I had talked about this and she agreed to let my have my daughter this upcoming weekend. My girlfriend overheard this conversation.

    When I dropped my daughter off at the end of my normal parenting time, she was taking pictures and then told me that I couldn't have this upcoming weekend with my daughter. She said, "That's what you get for not honoring a verbal agreement." There was no verbal agreement. Even if she had told my daughter that she'd see her at 4, it wouldn't be valid because she didn't say it to me.

    I'm really upset because I have rented a campsite and had told my daughter that we'd be camping this weekend. I don't know what to do or what to say to my daughter when she asks about the camping trip.

    My girlfriend and I think that she orchestrated the fiasco, yesterday, so she could take back this upcoming weekend (she's that type of person).

    This kinda crap happens all the time. She'll wake up at the start of my parenting time (in the morning [I work nights]) and THEN get my daughter ready. She's completely forgotten about my parenting time before. She harasses me when I pick up my daughter (she does this while my daughter is getting ready and I can't leave or she'll claim that I gave up my parenting time). The list goes on and on.

    Can someone give me some advice or constructive criticism?

    Am I being ridiculous or overly sensitive?

    Thanks in advance

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  3. #2
    Super Moderator SapphireNoir10's Avatar
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    Get legal advice! Or fight to have more custody of your daughter?

    What she is doing is completely unacceptable. Did you have a bad break up?

  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by SapphireNoir10 View Post
    Get legal advice! Or fight to have more custody of your daughter?

    What she is doing is completely unacceptable. Did you have a bad break up?
    Yes, though I have no idea why. She's always been vindictive when it came to things like this. For whatever reason, she tries to make my life Hades.

    I've emailed my attorney and will be calling her tomorrow, as well.

  5. #4
    Super Moderator SapphireNoir10's Avatar
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    I can't believe any mother would be like that because in the end its bad for your daughter. She's going to sense the games her mother is playing and wonder WHY she isn't seeing her Daddy as much. Her mum should be wanting her to have a GOOD bond with you. So many parents don't want anything to do with their kids especially after divorces that I think if my husband and I split up and he wanted to see my son a lot I would be HAPPY about it, not try and get in the way.

    I'm so sorry your in this situation. I can't think of anything worse. Time to get tough I think. For the sake of your daughter.

  6. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by SapphireNoir10 View Post
    I can't believe any mother would be like that because in the end its bad for your daughter. She's going to sense the games her mother is playing and wonder WHY she isn't seeing her Daddy as much. Her mum should be wanting her to have a GOOD bond with you. So many parents don't want anything to do with their kids especially after divorces that I think if my husband and I split up and he wanted to see my son a lot I would be HAPPY about it, not try and get in the way.

    I'm so sorry your in this situation. I can't think of anything worse. Time to get tough I think. For the sake of your daughter.
    Thank you

    I'll be getting tough..I just need to gather my support network.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member lavenderdove's Avatar
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    OK, unfortunately this is not uncommon when you're dealing with a selfish person with an ax to grind.

    It is ridiculous when you start fighting over 15 minutes intervals and clear that she doesn't want to be 'reasonable' she wants to manipulate you into positions that are to her advantage and desires and will use legal threats to do it.

    I have seen friends waste hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees fighting over these kinds of things, and again and again what i see the judge saying in the end is, 'parents, get your acts together and stop this nonsense and abide by the agreement originally issued by the court.' So custody battles unless there are signs of signficant abuse of the child usually remain in place and the judge just knocks the parents heads together and says, 'stop it!' So before you waste a lot of money on lawyers, your best bet is to start abiding by your custody agreement TO THE LETTER and storing up proof and evidence that you have been doing so, and your ex has not.

    Then if you do go to court, the judge will respect you, and make her honor your legal custody agreement.

    So stop negotiating with her for special or different time. If your agreement says you pick her up at a certain time and drop off at a certain time, then stick to that and don't try to 'flex it', because you ex will flex it herself, then be waiting to whammy you when you try to flex it at the other end.

    Plan all your activities within the legal timeframes. Don't plan anything that requires you to get 'special' or unwritten permission from your ex because she'll try to whammy you when you do.

    And btw, your ex is quoting legal 'rights' that she doesn't have. She absolutely cannot legally deny you your weekend if you supposedly dishonor some verbal agreement. Verbal agreements when there is a written custody order in place are meaningless. She's blowing smoke on that one, and your lawyer can help by contacting her lawyer and sending written notice that she cannot withhold your daugther from an established time just because she feels like changing that time.

    Your lawyer can also help by petitioning the court to have a neutral location to exchange your daugther because your ex is harassing you when you interact and is not having your daughter ready to meet your scheduled exchange time. Your ex ises specially doing this because she is enjoying the games and harassment, and it will drain all the fun out of it if she must drop the child off at a neutral location (established by the court) and you won't even be there at the time she drops the child off so your ex can't see or talk to you or claim you made some verbal agreement that you didn't. Your ex in such a case is also monitored to make sure she is complying and dropping off at the neutral site. There are usually court-ordered locations that you can use for a fee where your daughter gets dropped off, or other locations you can negotiate/establish to get a neutral drop off without your wife interacting with your personally (i.e., a third party can be appointed to pick your child up rather than yourself).

    So my suggestion is that you focus on ensuring that your ex complies with the existing order, which is exactly what the judge will do if you approach them on that. And your lawyer can make it clear to your ex if she doesn't knock this off, that he will return to court to have the court enforce your rights via your ex having to drop the child at a neutral location at the exact time she is required to turn your daughter over and that will be monitored by the court and she will be in contempt if she doesn't comply.

    Judges get really annoyed when they see someone behaving like she is and trying to jerk your daughter around to push a grievance with you or out of selfishness. So the first thing you have to do is totally ignore all her threats to have the police called by EXACTLY complying with the orders in terms of time and never flexing those times for any reason, your reason or hers. Start complying with the letter of the law, and every time she doesn't, you document it and send it to your lawyer and your lawyer can create the letters needed to be sent to her showing she is non-compliant, and building a case as to what is going on to force her to comply in future or she will be in contempt of court.
    Last edited by lavenderdove; 08-22-2013 at 07:26 AM.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Kendahke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Perrin83 View Post
    All,

    My ex-Wife dropped my daughter off early yesterday and just said (to my daughter), "I'll see you when your father drops you off."

    I was blindsided, but delighted, that my daughter was over early, as I hadn't seen her during my ex's uninterrupted two weeks during the summer.

    After four hours (the normal length of my parenting time for non-overnight visits) my ex started texting me, asking where I was and telling me I was past our 15-minute rule. She threatened to call the police and have me found in contempt of court for keeping my daughter past my parenting time hours.

    She claims that she said (to my daughter), "I'll see you when your father drops you off at 4." My brother was very close by and neither of us heard her say a time. I just assumed it was extra parenting time, since I hadn't seen her in two weeks.

    Because she scheduled her summer weeks the way she did, she was scheduled to have my daughter for 5 weeks in a row without any overnight visits to my house. She and I had talked about this and she agreed to let my have my daughter this upcoming weekend. My girlfriend overheard this conversation.

    When I dropped my daughter off at the end of my normal parenting time, she was taking pictures and then told me that I couldn't have this upcoming weekend with my daughter. She said, "That's what you get for not honoring a verbal agreement." There was no verbal agreement. Even if she had told my daughter that she'd see her at 4, it wouldn't be valid because she didn't say it to me.

    I'm really upset because I have rented a campsite and had told my daughter that we'd be camping this weekend. I don't know what to do or what to say to my daughter when she asks about the camping trip.

    My girlfriend and I think that she orchestrated the fiasco, yesterday, so she could take back this upcoming weekend (she's that type of person).

    This kinda crap happens all the time. She'll wake up at the start of my parenting time (in the morning [I work nights]) and THEN get my daughter ready. She's completely forgotten about my parenting time before. She harasses me when I pick up my daughter (she does this while my daughter is getting ready and I can't leave or she'll claim that I gave up my parenting time). The list goes on and on.

    Can someone give me some advice or constructive criticism?

    Am I being ridiculous or overly sensitive?

    Thanks in advance
    Talk to your lawyer.

    In the meantime, make sure you use your cell phone to record all interactions with her so that you have the evidence to take to court and have the visitation adjusted.

    but here's the thing: one day, your daughter is going to be old enough to see through the disgusting BS your ex wife is doing... and she's going to learn to resent her mother using her as a pawn in her game to get back at you for whatever reason she's doing it. When your ex is an old woman, is when your daughter is not going to want to share any time with her because of how she interfered in her relationship with you--and nothing is more pitiful than an old woman whose child doesn't want to have anything to do with her because of her interfering. Your daughter has every right to a relationship with you as her mother does. And just because she's a female doesn't mean she's the better parent--that really is some messed up stuff that is put over on men. Fathers can be just as good or even better a parent as a mother. Your ex wife is evidence of that.

    Make sure your babygirl knows how much you love her, how much you wish you could spend even more time with her, but you must follow the law and the court orders for how to proceed--it has absolutely nothing to do with how much you love her. As long as she knows that she can count on you and that you love her, you will always be close to her. Her mother is going to eventually play herself out and be the one who is left alone.
    Last edited by Kendahke; 08-22-2013 at 08:03 AM.
    No one appreciates being manipulated.

    I have no patience for snooping.

    "There is no such thing as a break. Neglect doesn't make anything thrive. So don't fool yourself. Whatever you left unfinished/unresolved will be waiting on you in a further state of deterioration."

  9. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by lavenderdove View Post
    OK, unfortunately this is not uncommon when you're dealing with a selfish person with an ax to grind.

    It is ridiculous when you start fighting over 15 minutes intervals and clear that she doesn't want to be 'reasonable' she wants to manipulate you into positions that are to her advantage and desires and will use legal threats to do it.

    I have seen friends waste hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal fees fighting over these kinds of things, and again and again what i see the judge saying in the end is, 'parents, get your acts together and stop this nonsense and abide by the agreement originally issued by the court.' So custody battles unless there are signs of signficant abuse of the child usually remain in place and the judge just knocks the parents heads together and says, 'stop it!' So before you waste a lot of money on lawyers, your best bet is to start abiding by your custody agreement TO THE LETTER and storing up proof and evidence that you have been doing so, and your ex has not.

    Then if you do go to court, the judge will respect you, and make her honor your legal custody agreement.

    So stop negotiating with her for special or different time. If your agreement says you pick her up at a certain time and drop off at a certain time, then stick to that and don't try to 'flex it', because you ex will flex it herself, then be waiting to whammy you when you try to flex it at the other end.

    Plan all your activities within the legal timeframes. Don't plan anything that requires you to get 'special' or unwritten permission from your ex because she'll try to whammy you when you do.

    And btw, your ex is quoting legal 'rights' that she doesn't have. She absolutely cannot legally deny you your weekend if you supposedly dishonor some verbal agreement. Verbal agreements when there is a written custody order in place are meaningless. She's blowing smoke on that one, and your lawyer can help by contacting her lawyer and sending written notice that she cannot withhold your daugther from an established time just because she feels like changing that time.

    Your lawyer can also help by petitioning the court to have a neutral location to exchange your daugther because your ex is harassing you when you interact and is not having your daughter ready to meet your scheduled exchange time. Your ex ises specially doing this because she is enjoying the games and harassment, and it will drain all the fun out of it if she must drop the child off at a neutral location (established by the court) and you won't even be there at the time she drops the child off so your ex can't see or talk to you or claim you made some verbal agreement that you didn't. Your ex in such a case is also monitored to make sure she is complying and dropping off at the neutral site. There are usually court-ordered locations that you can use for a fee where your daughter gets dropped off, or other locations you can negotiate/establish to get a neutral drop off without your wife interacting with your personally (i.e., a third party can be appointed to pick your child up rather than yourself).

    So my suggestion is that you focus on ensuring that your ex complies with the existing order, which is exactly what the judge will do if you approach them on that. And your lawyer can make it clear to your ex if she doesn't knock this off, that he will return to court to have the court enforce your rights via your ex having to drop the child at a neutral location at the exact time she is required to turn your daughter over and that will be monitored by the court and she will be in contempt if she doesn't comply.

    Judges get really annoyed when they see someone behaving like she is and trying to jerk your daughter around to push a grievance with you or out of selfishness. So the first thing you have to do is totally ignore all her threats to have the police called by EXACTLY complying with the orders in terms of time and never flexing those times for any reason, your reason or hers. Start complying with the letter of the law, and every time she doesn't, you document it and send it to your lawyer and your lawyer can create the letters needed to be sent to her showing she is non-compliant, and building a case as to what is going on to force her to comply in future or she will be in contempt of court.
    It's not that simple. Things have to be flexible at some point, such as situations like this. If I go exactly by the parenting time agreement, she'd only be spending 16 hours in a 5-week period with me, my girlfriend and her sister. To put it another way, that's 1.9% of a 5 week period. That's unacceptable. Also, if my schedule changes, at all, I'll likely have to go back to court to change my parenting times, like I had to last time.

    It's ridiculous.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Kendahke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Perrin83 View Post
    It's not that simple. Things have to be flexible at some point, such as situations like this. If I go exactly by the parenting time agreement, she'd only be spending 16 hours in a 5-week period with me, my girlfriend and her sister. To put it another way, that's 1.9% of a 5 week period. That's unacceptable. Also, if my schedule changes, at all, I'll likely have to go back to court to change my parenting times, like I had to last time.

    It's ridiculous.
    How old is your daughter?
    No one appreciates being manipulated.

    I have no patience for snooping.

    "There is no such thing as a break. Neglect doesn't make anything thrive. So don't fool yourself. Whatever you left unfinished/unresolved will be waiting on you in a further state of deterioration."

  11. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kendahke View Post
    How old is your daughter?
    She just turned 7. She often acts younger than her age. I suspect this is due to the dysfunction between her mother and I.

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