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  1. #1
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    In love with my friends girlfriend, anyone in the same situation?

    So here's my story.

    I'm in love with my friend's girlfriend. They got together about a month ago. The thing is I'm 99% sure she really likes. I think she only went out with him because she's never had a boyfriend before and she wanted a relationship. To be honest I don't think they'll make a good couple, he seems to be more into her than she is into him.

    To make it even more complicated I've had a girlfriend for almost a year now. I want to say that me and the other girl haven't done anything (though I think we could have if we really wanted). I'm not a cheater. I've resolved to break up with my girlfriend in about a months time. To be honest my feelings for her started to diminish before I developed feeling for the other girl. I would have broken up with my girlfriend earlier but she's been studying for her repeat exams and I don't want to do it before she's finished them. I know it sounds horrible but I wish I was single when I got to know the other girl (I've known her a good bit longer than my friend has) the fact is I really like her. I haven't felt this way about a girl for a long time.

    Anyone been/have been in the same situation? Did you go for the girl? how did things work out?

  2. #2
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    Yeah I have been in the same situation before and I lost a good friend because of it. She is his girlfriend and you need to set your opinion of their relationship aside and respect it. Unless they break up and he verbally gives you the go ahead then you need to fall back. I agree that you should break up with your girlfriend.

    I have a feeling that you wont follow my advice but I wish you would. Good luck.
    Last edited by ItRainsItPours; 08-10-2013 at 12:36 PM. Reason: Typo

  3. #3
    Bronze Member NymphaeaLilly's Avatar
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    You are not being a good friend nor a good bf. You don't seem like a good person with integrity. imo.
    You need to take in account feelings of other people around you not just your selfish wants. Don't be a spoiled brat and stop lusting after friends girls, they should ALWAYS be off limits!!!

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by NymphaeaLilly View Post
    You are not being a good friend nor a good bf. You don't seem like a good person with integrity. imo.
    You need to take in account feelings of other people around you not just your selfish wants. Don't be a spoiled brat and stop lusting after friends girls, they should ALWAYS be off limits!!!
    I know you're right. But what do you do when you really like her? when you can't stop thinking about her and feel the two of you would have something really good together? And to make it worse you're pretty certain she feels the same?

    People have even said we look like a couple.

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  6. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mike747 View Post
    I know you're right. But what do you do when you really like her? when you can't stop thinking about her and feel the two of you would have something really good together? And to make it worse you're pretty certain she feels the same?

    People have even said we look like a couple.
    i'd say that if you're really sure, then you have your answer on what to do. if you're sure about someone else, then it's time to end the relationship you are in. no sense spending your time with someone you're ambivalent about. it's no good for either party. and then you let the cards fall where they will with the other girl. it may work out. it may not. these are the things we never really know. but have a bit of courage. take the risk. you may learn something about yourself...and others.
    Rest in natural great peace
    This exhausted mind
    Beaten helpless by karma and neurotic thought,
    Like the relentless fury of the pounding waves
    In the infinite ocean of samsara.

    "Think not of the faults of others, of what they have done or not done.
    Think rather of your own faults, of the things you have done or not done."

  7. #6
    Platinum Member tiredofvampires's Avatar
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    I would, if I were you, consider this a wake-up call more than anything that you are with someone who you shouldn't stay with, and break up with your gf. You're right to wait until that can be done with less rupture in her life, since it's not long to wait.

    But I think you need to see that as an independent act, not connected to whatever happens with the girl you like/love. Because the truth is, for them to break up, it's going to take some sowing of the relationship they've started, seeing it decline -- chances are, she's not going to leave him on a dime. She might feel very confused for a very long time (since this is her first relationship, and she doesn't know herself well), and guilty...lots of messy feelings are going to happen, if indeed your feelings for eachother are mutual.

    And as someone else pointed out, you should also be thinking about how much you value your friendship with your friend, because if he's very hurt by the break-up, it's likely he won't take well to your starting to date her. Only if he didn't feel it was a loss or if he was over her would he give you his blessings. So you may lose that friendship.

    So chances are, it's not going to work out all happily ever after like you envision. Just be aware of that. But do take this as a sign that you can and should be loving someone more than you love the one you're currently with, and act accordingly to free yourself for whomever would be a better match (which would in turn free your gf for the same).
    BURN TO LEARN

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  8. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by 90_hour_sleep View Post
    i'd say that if you're really sure, then you have your answer on what to do. if you're sure about someone else, then it's time to end the relationship you are in. no sense spending your time with someone you're ambivalent about. it's no good for either party. and then you let the cards fall where they will with the other girl. it may work out. it may not. these are the things we never really know. but have a bit of courage. take the risk. you may learn something about yourself...and others.
    I know I've had too many 'what ifs' in my life not to go for it. I'll lose a friend but I may win someone I love, I think its worth it.

  9. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by tiredofvampires View Post
    I would, if I were you, consider this a wake-up call more than anything that you are with someone who you shouldn't stay with, and break up with your gf. You're right to wait until that can be done with less rupture in her life, since it's not long to wait.

    But I think you need to see that as an independent act, not connected to whatever happens with the girl you like/love. Because the truth is, for them to break up, it's going to take some sowing of the relationship they've started, seeing it decline -- chances are, she's not going to leave him on a dime. She might feel very confused for a very long time (since this is her first relationship, and she doesn't know herself well), and guilty...lots of messy feelings are going to happen, if indeed your feelings for eachother are mutual.

    And as someone else pointed out, you should also be thinking about how much you value your friendship with your friend, because if he's very hurt by the break-up, it's likely he won't take well to your starting to date her. Only if he didn't feel it was a loss or if he was over her would he give you his blessings. So you may lose that friendship.

    So chances are, it's not going to work out all happily ever after like you envision. Just be aware of that. But do take this as a sign that you can and should be loving someone more than you love the one you're currently with, and act accordingly to free yourself for whomever would be a better match (which would in turn free your gf for the same).
    You're right. I think I would be breaking up with her anyway at this stage. The spark has gone.

    I wish I knew what she felt. She's so affectionate towards me and we get on so well, I think if I was single when I met her we'd be together now. I think she thinks my girlfriend and I aren't going to split up anytime soon and that's why she started going out with the other guy.

    I resigned to losing my friend. He's a long way from my best friend and he's pissed me off before, but still it's not an ideal situation. The crazy thing is with my previous girlfriend it was a complete reversal and he really liked her. He told me and I said it was fine, though that's mainly because he had no chance with her.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    In situations such as this, the noble thing to do is to end it with your gf asap and be single. Let their relationship be and do your best to move on from her.

    Right now, you are willing to sacrifice your friendship for your own desires. Not a sign of a good friend or a good boyfriend. Chances are if you "steal" her you will lose him and eventually lose her.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VXXXX9iVPI

    "Space promotes clarity and inspires growth." - 90_Hour_Sleep

    "If a man treats you poorly, he doesn't value you/think you are the one. Look for a man who treats you well/is confident that you are the one. If he is sure that you are perfect for him, then you are perfect for him." - ExcitedtoSleep

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