Mediocrity is good enough

Took a long break from ENA. Used to be DebaserWolf if anyone remembers that far back.

I recently realized that I have a lot of feelings. I should probably write some of them down. So I am.

I broke up my 5 year long relationship after my ex cheated on me. We're good though. Our friends and family do not get it but we're still best friends. I suppose I should be more angered but I'm not. I think of all the things I could have done while younger if I had been single but the memories with him were too good to trade for anything. If I were to go back in time, I would probably change nothing. It's a satisfying yet boring feeling about the whole thing.

Now I'm onto new and hopefully better things.

The world of online dating...is interesting. Within 6 hours of making my profile, I got my first foot fetishist .

"Can I worship your feet?"

Upon reading that line, I knew that I knew absolutely nothing about online dating.

I kind of hate online dating.

I've been telling one of my friends all about my experiences. I'm pretty sure he's going to write a book with my picture on the cover titled "laugh at her and her dating inadequacies".

Sometimes he just texts me out of the blue with some of the golden one liners I've shared with him. Waking up in the morning to "Yo Gurl. You gotta body built for a black man. Holla!" and all I can do is text back "I loathe you" and roll over to go back to sleep. At least he finds all of this extremely entertaining.

We made out once. But we both kind of decided it was weird and we were better off as friends. I also think he might actually be gay.

Like 85% sure.

So I met a guy.

We had a very disastrous first date back in May. I don't want to go into details but it was just...awkward, bad, and I got a parking ticket (not necessarily his fault) to boot. But, I found myself still liking him. He was really cute (quite possibly the most handsome man I've gone on a date with) and somewhere between his extremely shy beginning of the night and overly drunk to combat the shyness end of the night, we actually had some pretty great conversation. I was on the fence. Maybe I'd give him a second chance and just assume it was first night jitters. I put him on a backburner for a month and never solidified any plans.

Then through a series of misaddressed texts, we started talking again. It was hilarious and serendipitous. I decided I wanted a second date with him.

The second date was amazing. He made me a CD which was sweet. And, the CD was full of bands we had talked about but I had said I hadn't listened to. I couldn't believe he remembered them all.

Then we had dates 3-5 in the span of 5 days. He wanted me to stay with him the entire weekend and I would have if I could.

I'm in too deep and I hope I don't get hurt...When we were talking about sex, he talked about how he couldn't separate sex from emotion. I told him I could and he seemed concerned by that. He asked like an hour later "so, is this an emotionless fling to you?" and I could tell he was a little hurt in his voice.

He's dating other people. I'm dating other people. I'm interested to see where this goes. Very interested.

Oh online dating. I remember it. I hated it. But I met my husband there. So...

It sounds like this guy is nice but I understand his concern with your statement. I'm like you in that regard. But bc we can separate sex and emotion doesn't mean all sex is emotionless for us, you know? Were you maybe able to comfort him in uour statement?

Yes, I let him know that I really liked him. And then we made out for a bit. It was romantic.

I am just determined to stay single for a while and wasn't really planning on having this kind of connection this quickly.

I really like this guy.

I need to stop being so boy crazy. I've just been thinking about him so much and hope he thinks about me a fair amount too. =/

Let yourself be boy crazy, you only live once and at least he thinks about you, too. Which should make you feel that much better.

Edit: I dated a guy once, he was crazy about feet. He had a stocking fetish too especially those with back seam and it was just wayyy too much in the end.

Let yourself be boy crazy, you only live once and at least he thinks about you, too. Which should make you feel that much better.

 

Edit: I dated a guy once, he was crazy about feet. He had a stocking fetish too especially those with back seam and it was just wayyy too much in the end.

I wish I had someone to talk to about all of this. All my girlfriends are married...they say they want to talk about it but I feel like I'm annoying them with my boy talk.

Whenever I'm driving and just thinking, I'm thinking about him. It drives me crazy because it can't be healthy. I did the same thing with my friends with benefit a few months ago. This is nicer though since this isn't a muddled mess yet.....

And, it's not like I do it with every guy I get involved with. So far it's just the two that I've been border-lining obsessing about. And, I've been seeing a lot more than those two guys. So maybe it's something special?

I've gotten increasingly snippy with people on OKcupid. I used to worry about hurting their feelings but I've just gotten so tired of 30 something year old creeps. I'm letting them have it.

Maybe some mean words will teach these losers some manners. My friends are cracking up at my responses and told me I should start a blog of all the terrible messages I get and my no nonsense replies.

Oh you should!!!

Here's one:

The guy is 37 and his profile pic is a close up of his face with the brow of his black hat covering his eyes. He has already messaged me the exact same line 3 months ago.

Him: "Hey trouble..."

Me: "You've already messaged me that exact line before. You're more than a decade older than me and I doubt that line works on anyone"

This one is 34 and his profile is covered in PUA crap. I deleted the first two interactions so I have to paraphrase. I'm being generous by adding punctuation and spelling.

Him: "You're kind of cute for a short girl. So, are you like legally a midget or something? You seem interesting enough."

I didn't reply. He sent another message a week later.

Him: "Can I ask why you didn't reply to me? All the other girls I've messaged have. I can make you real happy and you're definitely hot enough. Let's grab some dinner sometime and we can talk about things =)"

Me: "I didn't reply because your message was insulting. You are too old for me. Frankly, I find PUA bull sociopathic."

I saved the last message he sent me and this is word-by-word what he sent me. His spelling and punctuation is THAT bad.

Him: "ok only wrote ya before because i thought you were so cute and the dimples were so adorable but 42 and you have so many other +'s i will give ya one more chance for a reply seriously we have a ton in common let me take you to diner or at lease cofee."

Me: "We have nothing in common."

This one was 28 (almost within my age range!) and had one of the worst neckbeards I've ever seen.

Him: "So, obviously you passed the aesthetics test or shallow men (such as myself) would never contact you, but a buddy of mine was looking over my shoulder and claimed that - without a doubt- your profile looked to have been written by a guy; it's just too perfect, minus the incompletion. He claimed that any account with so little information is the dead give away. I came to your defense, of course, but now we've got a $20 dollar bet going as to whether or not you're real. So I wondered, just between us, am I about to lose $20 dollars?"

I have no idea what he means by incomplete profile...I have 3 pics, filled in every text box and answered over 100 questions.

Me: "I guess you win twenty dollars but more than likely the 'bet' was just a way to get me to respond"

Him: "Hahaahaha Sweet I just won 20 bones! Now I got enough to buy my soul back from the Devil! So thank you! Well the bet is as real as you are lol Ya know after taking a second look at your profile you like kinda cute Here's the thing though. I have a strong belief that beauty is common. I mean, I can find an attractive girl anywhere, right? I'd like to see if there is more than meets the eye. Tell me three things about yourself that have nothing to do with looks, job, school, or already on your profile. One, Two, Three GO! hahaha"

Me: "You should find another attractive girl to talk to then. Your messages are 'rude' at best."

Even though my best friend is a woman, I don't feel like I really have any girly friendships. I've always rolled my eyes at girls who call each other up just to talk, go shopping together, braid each other's hair, and go boy crazy together. But, now that I'm getting a bit older, I realize that I wish I could have had that.

I just find it so hard to befriend other women. I think I might be a little scared that they'll see straight through my bull and call me out on it. With men, I have me being a woman as a shield against them. With straight women though...

Wow. The last guy wouldve been intriguing enough for me to maybe exchange a few.messages with. But at the same time, he could very well write that to everyone. I tended to respond only to guys who maybe responded to something in my profile to show they actually read it.

Wow. The last guy wouldve been intriguing enough for me to maybe exchange a few.messages with. But at the same time, he could very well write that to everyone. I tended to respond only to guys who maybe responded to something in my profile to show they actually read it.

He was so rude though. I passed his standards? After taking a second look, I'm kinda cute?

Wow, I should be so flattered and lucky that I'm "good enough" for him. And then on top of it he wants me to work for him and try to impress him because "he could get a beauty anywhere".

I like being teased by guys I have developed a rapport with. But this is his first interactions with me and he came accross as an arrogant tool.

I LOL'ed. sorry.

He was so rude though. I passed his standards? After taking a second look, I'm kinda cute?

 

Wow, I should be so flattered and lucky that I'm "good enough" for him. And then on top of it he wants me to work for him and try to impress him because "he could get a beauty anywhere".

 

I like being teased by guys I have developed a rapport with. But this is his first interactions with me and he came accross as an arrogant tool.

yeah, sounds like more PUA talk, trying to 'neg you.' blah.........

I LOL'ed. sorry.

 

My friends were dying with my responses. I wish I would have saved more of them. Booo.

He was so rude though. I passed his standards? After taking a second look, I'm kinda cute?

 

Wow, I should be so flattered and lucky that I'm "good enough" for him. And then on top of it he wants me to work for him and try to impress him because "he could get a beauty anywhere".

 

I like being teased by guys I have developed a rapport with. But this is his first interactions with me and he came accross as an arrogant tool.

All this mess is learned from a book. So impressive.

I wish I had someone to talk to about all of this. All my girlfriends are married...they say they want to talk about it but I feel like I'm annoying them with my boy talk.

 

Whenever I'm driving and just thinking, I'm thinking about him. It drives me crazy because it can't be healthy. I did the same thing with my friends with benefit a few months ago. This is nicer though since this isn't a muddled mess yet.....

 

And, it's not like I do it with every guy I get involved with. So far it's just the two that I've been border-lining obsessing about. And, I've been seeing a lot more than those two guys. So maybe it's something special?

You can always post about it here, as you know many people have gone through it.

Personally, I think what you're experiencing now is quite normal when you really like someone. If they weren't different from the others then you wouldn't like them as much, clearly there is a connection there. Some men we like more than others, and click with better. Don't beat yourself over it, just enjoy what's happening.

As far as girl friends are concerned, I'm newly married and have plenty of single friends, I quite enjoy their dating stories and love hearing about whatever is going on in their lives. That's one of the great things about having friends, we don't all have to be on the same page or in the same stages of life. They are your friends, and just because they are married it doesn't mean they don't enjoy hearing about your dating life or even boy-obsession. They've mostly likely been there, too.

He texted me at 10am with "let's go to the beach". Looks like I'm going to the beach this afternoon. See, this is why I like this guy. The nearest beach is about an hour away but he doesn't care. He's just so fun...

Now where is my bathing suit....somewhere...I might have to go to the mall and buy a bathing suit before we leave.

Huzzah. The suit fits!

I bought it a while ago while on vacation in the Caribbean. It's terribly out of style but I'll make it work. Do women normally wear make-up to the beach? I have no idea how much actual swimming will be taking place. I don't want to get out of the water with my face smeared.

I've been so about make up lately. As I've gotten older, I've gotten more feminine. I never wore it in high school and barely wore it until very recently. Then I found a blog of women who treated it like an art form. I bought a bunch of basics and it makes me feel like an amazonian warrior preparing for battle when I get in front of my vanity mirror.

I've gotten into makeup lately too. My favorites are eyeliner and eye shadow primer. Like, I don't like going without either of them! I have a whole artillery of makeup now and I love it.

I had a lot of fun yesterday. He's just such a nice guy and I'm really glad I met him. We didn't end up going to the beach because of weather and traffic. So, we drove back to his place and he made me dinner (he stopped by the grocery store on his drive back and decided it'd be nice). He's a pretty great cook. We went swimming in his apartment's pool but the water was so freezing. I'll have the image of him shivering in board shorts while wading in waist deep water and a cigarette in his mouth forever in my head. He's just so gosh darn adorable. Afterward we went out on the town, stopped at my favourite bar for a few rounds, and walked around the city holding hands until we were sober enough to drive home.

We're both not looking for anything serious right now. I have to keep myself grounded and try and not push things into exclusive. It just feels natural to want to make things exclusive but I know it's not what I want in the long run. And, I know it'll just push him away if I go for it because he has very similar reasons to mine. It just hurts the ego just a little that someone you like isn't trying to make things official. But, I don't want him to want to make things official. It's very odd and it's like my mind has made up a scenario where I can't possibly win. So, just gotta play it cool and go with the flow.