Ex-boyfriend wants me back but I have a new bf, I'm so confused!

So a little about my situation..

5 years ago I dated a guy for about 3 months. The relationship we had in this time was amazing, and even the time before when we were just freinds was great. He was, and still is, the only guy that I ever approached first. When I first saw him, I knew I needed to meet him. But all of a sudden after 3 months he had to move several hours away for work, so things ended.

During the 5 years he was gone, we occasionally hung out as friends, though for about a year after we didn't talk too much as I was still hurt that he had to leave and didn't choose to try and make things work with me. Periodically through these 5 years he would come back into my life, as he did when he moved back to town 3 years ago, but then went to work up north so still didn't see him too often. During any of the times we ever hung out, things were as if we hadn't just spent a single day apart, but were always just friends because we each didn't know what we wanted and with him working out of town it would have been hard to maintain a healthy relationship.

4 months ago I started dating someone else. Things are good. He is reliable, trustworthy, a genuinely nice guy and always tries when I ask him to work on something. About four weeks ago my ex has come back into my life again and we have started hanging out more regularly. I know I still have feelings for him, but thinking that it was unreciprocated it was easy to ignore. Here's the problem, the more I hang out with my ex, the more I feel like I am missing that spark and passion in my current relationship that you need in order for it to last.

Then to make things more confusing, during a recent hangout, my ex confessed to me that he really wants to be with me, that over the past 5 years it has always been me that he has thought about. He then told me that not only does he want me to be his girlfriend, but that he wants me to be his last, that he sees a future for us where we can settle down and start raising a family. It seems that we have always found our way back to each other even though we've both just tried to be just friends and date other people.

I don't know what to do. My boyfriend right now is a great guy. He's honest, great at communicating and everything else that I could ask for; but I feel like we lack the passion (and always have) that a relationship should have.

I don't know if I should take the risk and get back together with my ex and see if what he says is true, because if it isn't then I'm leaving behind a good relationship because of it. Is it better to take the chance and risk it, or possibly regret later in my life not knowing what could have been? Do I risk something that is good, for something that could be great, but that could potentially just end up with me being heart broken? I suppose a part of me is still scared that he could just up and leave, though he confronted me about it without me even asking, and said he won't ever leave again, and that if he did, he would be taking me with him.

Oh and as if this weren't confusing enough... I live with my current bf as he was my roommate, so chances are that if we broke up, one of us would have to move if we decide that we can't just stay friends (And I can't really afford to move!).

I really need some advice!

Apoligize to your current bf for deceiving him by committing to him when you were not ready to do so, as demonstrated by keeping in touch with an ex. Then break up with him and either date the ex or be single until you decide if it's really over with him or not.

Apoligize to your current bf for deceiving him by committing to him when you were not ready to do so, as demonstrated by keeping in touch with an ex. Then break up with him and either date the ex or be single until you decide if it's really over with him or not.

This is spot on. If you were into the current BF you wouldn't even be entertaining what the ex wants. The fact that someone would have to move about is not a reason to stay together.

It sounds like you're only with your boyfriend to keep the roommate peace. Definitely don't get back together with your ex, and you should think hard about if you really want to stay with your current boyfriend.

I wouldn't say that I was decieving him by staying in touch with an ex. I was completely honest with him about him and I hanging out, as my bf still hangs out with his ex-gf either on his own or together with me; and we trust each other enough to do so. But I do agree with you that I think I need to decide if it's really over with my ex or not.

I wouldn't say that I was decieving him by staying in touch with an ex. I was completely honest with him about him and I hanging out, as my bf still hangs out with his ex-gf either on his own or together with me; and we trust each other enough to do so. But I do agree with you that I think I need to decide if it's really over with my ex or not.

Then both you and your current bf don't really take your relationship seriously - it's just a throw away thing to pass the time. Wasn't going to last anyway.

If you've felt that your current was lacking passion from the beginning, I'd say you should end it and see where it goes with the ex. It sounds like the current is mature enough to understand and to remain in the living situation.

I don't know what to do. My boyfriend right now is a great guy. He's honest, great at communicating and everything else that I could ask for; but I feel like we lack the passion (and always have) that a relationship should have.

Reading this and the fact you both hang with exes I agree with Pleasehelp that you guys seemed to use each other to pass the time and it's not really a serious relationship.

Your ex didn't fight for you then. What makes now any different? Any man worth his salt wouldn't confess love to a woman he knows is taken. And honestly, yeah things are good now but in your ex's mind, you're tarnished. The day will come when he'll remember how easy it was to steal you away, and he'll wonder if another man can do the same. It'll eat at him. You are with a man who deserves your respect, and honesty. And what you're feeling with your ex isn't passion. It's anxiety. You're just masking it as something good. It's anxiety that causes your adrenaline to spike. You're wondering how far it'll progress, if you'll get caught, what your story will be, who to choose, and I bet you've even wondered how to keep them both. Your relationship with your ex died five years ago when he didn't fight for you. Apologize to your current boyfriend, tell him the truth about you and your ex. Then start falling in love with him.

the more I hang out with my ex, the more I feel like I am missing that spark and passion in my current relationship that you need in order for it to last. !

This is your answer right here.

Things have gone on for long enough between you and your ex now. I personally think it is time to get him out of system. If I were you I would see where things go with the ex. I have no idea whether his feelings are real or just due to the fact that you are now seeing someone else (though I gather that must have happened before over the 5 years) or whether or not you could have anything lasting but one thing is for sure ..... you are NEVER going to be able to invest properly into any other relationship all the while you allow your ex to cast a shadow over them. Personally I think until you have got him out of your system he will always cast a shadow .... and who knows, maybe you do have a future with him if you are always drawn back to each other. If not, well at least you will know and can finally move on. Whatever you decide with your ex, I see little point in letting your current boyfriend fall into this relationship any deeper when it clearly isn't working for you.

These are 2 separate situations. Your relationship with your current guy seems to lack the required passion. You just didn't realize it until the ex came back into the picture. It's only been 4 months with the new guy. You're doing him a disservice if you stay with him. Allow him to move on and find the woman who is right for him. As for the ex, date him or not date him. Doesn't really matter. Just don't tie the two situations together. If it doesn't work out with him, then he was just the catalyst for making you realize your 4 month boyfriend wasn't the right one for you. And don't tell the current guy you're leaving him for the other guy. Cause, to be honest, you really aren't.