Why aren't I good enough for him? Why is he so rude to me?

I know this guy a little bit cause we work in the same field. He asked me to coffee to talk about our field kind of like a networking coffee. It went well. Now we meet quite often for coffee or lunch. I really like him and I thought he felt the same, but lately he has been really rude to me and over the past week he's been really short with me and also ignoring me. Even just as a friend I find this really hurtful. I asked him if something as wrong and he said no.

He is so friendly with everyone else, flirting with waitresses when we have lunch and checking out every woman in the street when we walk together, so he's not gay. When people call him on the phone he's super friendly and nice to them. Yet he's really rude when he talks to me. It's so hurtful. It's as though he thins everyone else in the world is wonderful, but I'm not worth even being nice to. Yet he initiates coffee and lunch things to talk about work.

I don't understand why he doesn't like me and I wish he did, he's quite a bit older than me, is overweight, shorter than me and bald, which I don't mind at all, I think he's super cute, but the vibe he gives off when he talks to me is that he thinks he's too good for me. Kind of an arrogant vibe. I've noticed him checking me out before when I've been walking ahead of him, but he never makes a move.

I'm not ugly - most people tell me I'm really pretty, I'm thin and fun to be around. Men check me out when I walk down the street and I am asked out several times a week just going around the city doing my errands etc. I'm a really kind person and I feel like he gets angry when I am kind and nice to him.

I think I have made it pretty obvious that I like him. He would have to be very thick not to realise and maybe that is why he's being rude to me lately. I don't know.

I know he's single and he goes out drinking with his friends every night, but never invites me out at night to dinner or anything.

What can I do to turn this situation around and get him to like me?

Theory 1: He likes you and can't figure out if you like him so he feels hurt a little because he might be used to women being more open about it

Theory 2: He likes you (and has figured out you like him) but thinks that, for whatever reason, you two shouldn't get involved, so now he has to be cold

Theory 3: He has figured out you like him, he doesn't feel the same way, now he must shut things down

Theory 4: He's really good at the first part of meeting women, but can't seem to get his act together to actually make a move, so he's mad at himself

Theory 5: He thinks he's not good enough for you and so is therefore frustrated at the situation and secretly hates you

Theory 6: He's been burned by good looking women before and so has an attitude.

Theory 7: He's actually an alien from outer space sent down here to observe our planet and has instructions not to get involved with the locals.

Hope this helps....

haha at your number 7!! Thanks so much and so it goes. Really helpful actually and so clearly set out. You are fantastic! I am not sure which one it is, but I wish it would be number 1, though worried that it actually is number 3.

I think you've jumped to conclusions.

He's given no indication that he thinks he's too good for you...

Also, are you sure you're not being sensitive about his rudeness?

If a guy is super duper friendly to everyone else & rude to you that's DRASTIC.

Someone would have said something... Made some passing remark like, "Woa! Jim really doesn't like you, hey?"

I think you think these things because you like him... You want him to give you special treatment, but he's not.

Maybe he just doesn't care to get to know you.

If he's a social guy, he may not want to waste his precious networking time on you.

It's kinda harsh, but you can't like everyone, lol.

There's a girl @ work I avoid like the plague.

I don't dislike her, but I have NOTHING I wish to say to her apart from polite civilities.

Thanks laninaperdida for your reply. You are probably right that I am being sensitive because I like him. Otherwise I guess I wouldn't care at all what he did.

He is a social guy. I just don't understand if he knows I like him and he's single and he's attracted to me (checks me out) why he doesn't pursue me.

Meh. If you feel he's being rude to you, shut it down. Life's too short to try and figure this guy out. And if he flirts with everyone, maybe he's just a flirt and he doesn't want commitment. I'm seeing red flags here. I think he's become so appealing because he hasn't thanked his lucky stars you like him and chased you around - he doesn't sound that great to me.

Thanks for the reply SpottiOtti... yeah he is a flirt I guess and rude. I see red flags too, but I just like him a lot. I liked him from the first few moments that we met. I just wish he liked me back.

Perhaps he doesn't normally have to pursue women. Not in the sense that he's Don Juan, but the women he usually goes after are upfront with him. I network without going to lunch with people on a normal basis so I tend to think there's something there. Also, if you notice "subtle" changes in how he acts then perhaps he's just upset because he made these overtures and didn't get the response he'd normally get.

It's like that picture of a girl smiling and says "this is what you think I need to see to know your interested" and below it is a guy on an aircraft carrier directing a jet with a caption of "this is what I actually need"

2013, women are equal and more then capable of asking for what they want. Ask him out and see what happens.

He goes out drinking with his friends every night? Sure he doesn't have a drinking problem??? just asking lol I am a very blunt person so I would have just told him what I saw he was doing and asked him outright if I did something to offend him. But I know everyone isn't like me. lol.

I think you should just let it go for now. Perhaps if he sees you ignoring him he might decide he doesn't like it and ask you out for lunch or coffee again. Sometimes showing indifference bugs them lol. It might be that you read the signs wrong and because he noticed you "like" him etc, he kind of got weird about it. I think you should put it all on the back burner for now unless he makes another move.

Thanks Snow Bird. Actually you are right. He joked to me that is has become an alcoholic, but I thought he was just joking. Maybe he isn't. He seems kind of depressed lately. I asked him if I offended him and he said no. Yeah maybe I will just leave it, but it's so hard.

Thanks darkheart85, really helpful! I think he might be upset, but I don't know how to approach him about it. I like your analogy haha!!

He sounds like a jerk, why waste time wondering what he thinks? I'm sure you're a lovely woman who could find a charming guy who would treat you how you want to be treated.

oh ItRainsItPours that is so nice.

I liked the reply with "Theory #x"

I think you can create hundreds of those theories, but here's a crazy idea.

Rather than imagining and asking us what he thinks, go over to him and have a mature conversation about it.

Say you have been sensing he has been a bit rude and short with you over the last few weeks, and this is making you feel uncomfortable and you don't understand why as you had a really nice time together when you went out. He's already told you that nothing is wrong, yet you are still picking up on this behaviour and that's a bit hurtful. Is there something wrong, and if there really isn't, could he be a bit more mindful of that?

I think one wonderful thing about people is being vulnerable. We all try to hide it, but reality is that our vulnerabilities show anyway. When you put your vulnerabilities on the table and say even "I am feeling a bit nervous or uncomfortable to say this, but I feel I need to", then people will leave their guard down and won't display their natural defensive reactions.

You're a grown-up and so is he, so have a grown-up conversation and be ready for any outcome. Like a grown-up.

Thanks derroax, you are right. I will bring it up with him again the next time I see him. I'm worried he's going to think I am crazy. Do you all think it would be ok if I just tell him I like him, just plainly like that?

Why the hell do you like someone who treats you poorly? Do you not like yourself?

I do have very low self esteem actually. My father was an abusive alcoholic, so I have trouble with liking nice men and trouble knowing if they like me.

I feel so sad. I don't know if he completely dislikes me and I just don't realise it. Cause of my dad my judgement is so off about these things.

I do have very low self esteem actually. My father was an abusive alcoholic, so I have trouble with liking nice men and trouble knowing if they like me.

Well work on solving that instead aspiring to date jerks who treat you poorly.

I feel so sad. I don't know if he completely dislikes me and I just don't realise it. Cause of my dad my judgement is so off about these things.

 

Stop blaming your dad. You have acknowledged his negative effect on you and it's now your responsibility to take steps to heal and recover from that. Don't ever let a man treat you like this jerk is.

My theory is that he knows you like him and even though he might find you attractive (checks you out) that doesn't mean he wants to be involved with you, therefore he keeps you at a distance. You should try to accept the fact that he doesn't return your interest and stop letting him know you like him. I think that would explain why he's friendly to others and not you. If you didn't like him in that way he'd probably treat you the same way he treats others. I would no way confront him about it, that'd be very awkward and make it worse, which would be even more hurtful to you. Try to maintain just a 'professional relationship' with him.

I agree with pleasehelp. The lesson here is to move on and not to figure out how to attract a jerk to you.

You are probably right. I feel so sad. I feel so stupid.

My theory is that he knows you like him and even though he might find you attractive (checks you out) that doesn't mean he wants to be involved with you, therefore he keeps you at a distance. You should try to accept the fact that he doesn't return your interest and stop letting him know you like him. I think that would explain why he's friendly to others and not you. If you didn't like him in that way he'd probably treat you the same way he treats others. I would no way confront him about it, that'd be very awkward and make it worse, which would be even more hurtful to you. Try to maintain just a 'professional relationship' with him.

You are probably right. I feel so sad. I feel so stupid.