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  1. #1
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    how to get bull headed men to submit

    What is the best way to get a bullheaded, man to atleast listen to your point of view. My bf is the most unreasonable man in the world. Instead of confronting issues he runs away from them disappears for weeks. Hoping that I would chase him n beg him to return. Which I have done in the past. This time again he said he couldn't do a thing for me. When I tried to talk he chose to run again. I haven't chased him yet. Its been 12 days. Im tired, emotionally wrecked and alone. What can u do to such men to bring them to their senses. The most we broke off for was two months after which he ensured he rode the same flight with me to uk and ultimately I spoke with him. Im tired of his bull headedness n tired of pampering his ego. Pl tell me how do u handle such people n what do u do. Ladies ever dealt with such men? Gentlemen what s the psyche of such men? Pl share.

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  3. #2
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    Don't chase him, don't ring him, don't contact him in anyway.
    Sounds like he is never going to change, so you need to.
    Move on & find someone nice.....

  4. #3
    Platinum Member SpottiOtti's Avatar
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    I agree with Shelly, although I know it's nice to think we can influence or change people it's just not possible . . . he's going to continue to be completely disrespectful of your emotions until he figures it out on his own. People choose to change; we don't choose it for them. The only way to deal with people like him is to do what you are tired of doing: tiptoe around their egos, chase them, and ultimately disregard your own feelings. Because whatever you had an issue with, or whatever message you wanted him to receive, got lost completely in the whirlwind of the sideshow that he created, didn't it?

    I'm sorry, Lilliene, I know it's tough but it sounds to me like it's best if you just let this one go.
    Grant me that I may not be a
    coward, feeling your mercy in my
    success alone; but let me find the grasp
    of your hand in my failure.
    ----- Rabindranath Tagore

  5. #4
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    Well.. I was a runner before my last relationship. You cant put it in any nice way so here it is - men run off for recognition, adventure and certainly cause the ego. It made me feel strong when i pulled that trick, like i was in command, still finding myself sobbing with liquor in some ladyfriend house. I would run from understanding and compromises, it was like my process of thought got overheated and 1000 feelings sat on my head. When nobody came looking i stayed drifting around drunk sad but careless till i reached the point i ran off from, just to realize that everything have changed but me.

    During that i had relationships with some women - relationships which repeated the cycle... Its like a tornado really. Tornado of selfishness, pain and bitter.

    Last time i ran off it was AFTER an breakup, feeling all happy excited n , now im in middle of that circle again feeling lonely and depressed everyday.

    Stay positive.

  6. #5
    Member fearlessgirl's Avatar
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    This is passive aggressive behavior. He does it because he is unable/unwilling to confront issues and deal with emotions. I know this well. My ex said he was "waiting for me to show up and demand he return" ....??? Really? This is immature and not a very healthy way to live life. You cannot deal with that because it's hurtful and frustrating. Life every day will not be all roses and rainbows. There WILL be stresses. This is a fact. You can't change the world to suit him and you cant control the relationship to suit him. Your choices are to either put up with this running off periodically and the accompanying feelings of rejection and confusion, or remove yourself from the situation. You won't change it and you cant control it. Your call.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member ParisPaulette's Avatar
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    Instead of confronting issues he runs away from them disappears for weeks. Hoping that I would chase him n beg him to return. Which I have done in the past.
    You ignore him and treat him like he never existed. When people ask where he is shrug and say, "I have no idea." Go on about your life and go out and have fun, see friends, enjoy things, have a fabulous time. Even if you don't feel like it act like it since it'll likely get back to him sooner or later that someone saw you out laughing with friends. When he pops back up you act as if nothing has changed--i.e. he's never been gone. Talk about all the fab things you've done, the great people you've seen.Then sit him down to talk about the issue that caused him to run. When he gets up to run again sigh loudly and say, "Oh well, while you're gone I can have more fun." Then walk away and ignore him until he says he's willing to talk about it. Repeat until he either gets the idea loud and clear that you won't play his little game anymore or you get the idea that maybe you should have shown this man-child to the door a long time ago.

    Personally though I'd just advocate the second action. Grown people who act like two-year-old children don't make desirble partners. Nonetheless you need to stop playing his game and start living a happy life in spite of whatever he does. I'm serious about the going out and enjoying the hell out of your life BTW. You should do that no matter what drama is going on.
    “The tragedy of life is not death but what we let die inside of us while we live.”
    ― Norman Cousins

  8. #7
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    You can't have a relationship with someone who won't communicate, and you shouldn't have to chase them to communicate.

  9. #8
    Silver Member Red Tie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RedDress View Post
    You can't have a relationship with someone who won't communicate, and you shouldn't have to chase them to communicate.
    Enough said!
    Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.

  10. #9
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    He sounds very immature.. You can do better. I wouldn't waste anymore time on this guy

  11. #10
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    I ve managed to do it until now. Whatever pain I feelis still less than how I felt when I had to chase.

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