really need help with my ex-boyfriend.

i apologize for the length, two parts from what i've tried to ask for help with before.

part one:

i'm going to make this as short as possible. my ex and i dated for 3 years. i messed up pretty bad. we broke up mutually. he wanted me back but i wasn't ready so we still snuggled and fooled around but way less often.

eventually i realized i made a mistake and told him, but he said he had met someone new he wanted to be with and he still cared about me but we couldn't be friends. asked him for my stuff, said he liked having it, whatever.

months pass, have a new bf i live with, can't get ahold of my ex through texts or email,freaking out about my stuff plus i am worried about him and miss him so i ask a mutual friend what's up. get an email the next day about how he's been busy and misses me. he says he thinks about me all the time, wants to be together someday, wants pics but doesn't because he knows it's wrong, hasn't told his gf we're talking, yet is moving in with the girl, because of circumstance and because she is good to him, even though he "isn't sure he's ready". i'm pretty sure i still love him and wish i could fix all the stupid things i did to know how much better it could've been, but who knows?

aren't we lying to ourselves and our new partners by trying to pretend we're over one another? what to do? both of us feel guilty hurting other people who don't really deserve it, but aren't we kind of anyway? i care about my new bf but not like i did my ex. how long do i try to get over it before i realize i won't?

part two:

basically my ex and i did no contact for a good 6-7 months. both of us have started dating new people and are living wih them, myself with my bf for a few months and him with his gf for a few weeks. i emailed him to get some stuff back a month and a bit ago and he initiated communication. it led to both of is confessing missing one another etc. *

today he bought me lunch and showed me his new place, and it got intimate. i feel like we are clearly still in love with one another. i can't fully speak for him, other than a note he packed with my belongings that said "i love you." i'm not sure how much he cares for her. i know that my relationship with my new bf is probably not right for me at this time regardless of my feelings for my ex.*

i don't know if i should persuade my ex to break up with his new gf and try to work on our relationship since we've already lied to our new partners about talking and now have kissed passionately, held each other etc. or if i should just let him be and wait and see what happens. ultimately i made a lot of mistakes in our relationship and i really messed up with my ex, so i truly want him to be happy and i don't want to mess up what he has now if she's right for him. at the same time i feel like he obviously doesn't love her if he is saying and doing these things wth me?

what do i do? i love him and want to do right by him.

Maybe break things off with your current boyfriend since you just cheated on him and aren't over your ex.

There is no "kind of" about this: you ARE hurting other people who don't deserve it.

Don't make your actions predicated upon what your ex does--because he may not dump the new girlfriend even if you do dump the new boyfriend. If you feel you can't be the kind of girlfriend your new boyfriend deserves, then you need to turn him loose so he can find a woman who can be who he needs. The fact that you cheated on him with your ex pretty much proves that you aren't right for him.

There is no "kind of" about this: you ARE hurting other people who don't deserve it.

 

 

Don't make your actions predicated upon what your ex does--because he may not dump the new girlfriend even if you do dump the new boyfriend. If you feel you can't be the kind of girlfriend your new boyfriend deserves, then you need to turn him loose so he can find a woman who can be who he needs. The fact that you cheated on him with your ex pretty much proves that you aren't right for him.

i do understand that ultimately i am in control of nothing but my own emotions and actions, and that i need to do the right thing with my bf regardless of my ex. i just know my ex has never ever cheated, and said i was the only girl he would cheat with. i wouldn't try to discuss this with him if his actions weren't showing me that he obviously doesn't love his new gf that much and he misses me for whatever reason. i figure i'll just have to talk with him about it soon and lay out how i feel because either way he is hurting someone, myself or his new gf.