I've become a lonely, bitter, miserable person. I need help.

I've suffered from low self-esteem all my life due to a lifetime of being bullied and sexually abused. I am now 22, pursuing a postgraduate degree in Industrial Psychology, and relatively happy with my academic life.

However, my personal life is in shambles. I constantly compare myself to my friends. When it comes to academic factors, I always want the best marks in relation to them. I want to be better than them, all the time. This happens especially with my best friend, who is much better looking than I am, gets interest from guys and has a much better and fun personality than I do.

I feel inadequate in front of her.

I've been single for the past 7 yrs now with no hope of ever hooking up with anyone, whilst most of my friends have boyfriends or at least good guy friends in their life. This makes me feel like there is perhaps something wrong with me. It also makes me feel like a bitter person because I hate when other people are better than I am or happier than I am.

I feel like I wouldn't feel this way if I at least had something in my life that would make it worth it and make me happy. But as I mentioned, there is no hope of that happening. It's making me feel like my life is worthless. That I am worthless and unattractive. And that my life has no meaning.

What is the point of living when I am this miserable and bitter all the time? Why should I continue? How do I stop myself from comparing me to others? Am I possibly depressed? Don't get me wrong, I DO want to live, I just don't see any reason to right now. None whatsoever. And this is why I'm here. I need help. I am tired of being this miserable. And before I do anything destructive, I at least want to seek out help and gain advice. Please help me.

I think that you would benefit from talking with a therapist... you have a lot of issues in your past that are clearly not resolved and the lack of resolution is impacting your ability to be happy and fulfilled in your life right now.

Just know that you are more than adequate, but something in your head is working overtime to convince you that you are not---and I believe that leads directly back to the bullying and abuse you suffered. That needs to be snatched out by the roots and a therapist would be the best way for you to learn how to do that and not let this monologue going on in your head rule you and your happiness.

Agreed, I do need a therapist as I've never been to one all my life. I will look at making an appointment after my exams (19th June). It's just my thoughts till then that worry me...

Sometimes. deep down, whilst I appear happy to my friends and sometimes genuinely am, I always know that I will self-destruct because of how I feel about myself. I constantly seek affirmation from people to feel better about myself. And I haven't had that in a while. The fact that I need that affirmation to be happy is unhealthy to begin with. But I don't know how to stop it because this is how I've been all my life... And I don't know any other way to be.

If I could keep writing about how I feel on this forum until I do eventually get down to seeing a therapist, it would be appreciated. I'm just worried about how I'm going to manage the next few days with these thoughts, especially given the fact that I'm writing exams soon.

I wonder how your friend manages to hook up with guys while studying. University is a full time relationship in itself.

For every Jack, there is a Jill - yours is somewhere but it clearly isnt the right time for them to arrive, otherwise they would be here already.

Finish your studies, dont think about boys, looks or going out. Your life will change drastically once you are out of uni. Look at Elle Woods from Legally Blonde, she was quite miserable at University and was not popular or with the man she wanted, so she stuck her head down and focused only on one thing: Passing despite the man she loved becoming engaged to one of her classmates!

And guess what? She walked away with great marks AND a boyfriend who she met on a park bench for being kicked out of school.

While at university, Elle Woods also felt miserable like you, wanting to end it all so she did nice things for herself to cheer herself up. She took control over her miserable life by getting her nails done and finding a friend that loved her for who she was. Sounds like you need to do the same!

Sure, your best friend may be attractive and smart, but shes not you. You know how getting a haircut makes you feel different and you cant stop looking at yourself in the mirror for a few months until you get use to it? I suggest you do the same. You need to see your own individual attractiveness in a different way that reminds you of your uniqueness.

Also, its not brains OR smarts that makes a person worth knowing. Essentially, its how you make people feel. Thats all that matters. If you make people feel good about themselves then everyone will want to be around you, be you, or be with you.

What is beauty anyway? Who defines it? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Elle Woods was beautiful, but it caused her many problems. Noone took her seriously, and men treated her like meat so having the best looks in the world doesnt mean your problems would be instantly fixed.

Inspiring example, Malibu Barbie. I shall definitely try doing that. Right now, all I actually do have are my studies and it's best I put all my efforts into that and come out on top.

There is a particular reason these thought processes have come up, now more than ever before though. My guy friend told me a few weeks back that the reason the guy I once liked chose my best friend over me is because, in his words, "she is way hotter than you". Ever since then, I've given my looks serious consideration and felt unattractive. I've also been extremely hurt over it and cannot handle criticism. What he said bothers me up to this day.

It doesn't help that he himself gives my best friend more attention than me. Or rather he actually talks to her, and ignores me. This just gives an idea of why I've been feeling inadequate about myself lately. It's something I've been battling to deal with.

It is true that he may find her more attractive than you or "way hotter" but that doesnt mean every other guy would be the same.

Some people find brad pitt (labelled sexiest guy in the universe) hot, some dont. Some men will find you WAY hotter than your best friend, but that doesnt mean she should feel insecure about her looks if they do.

Dont be offended at what your guy friend said. He cant be punished for liking the way your friend looks. I imagine if he really wanted a shot with your best friend he would at least make an effort with you. If he was serious about her, he would be serious about you as a friend.

Ignoring someone and saying offensive things isnt taking one seriously!