Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 21
  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    6

    Unhappy My boyfriend would rather masterbate then have sex with me

    Hello, I am new here.

    My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 5 years. Last August we broke up for a few months. But then back in November we got back together and things were awesome until about early March. He changed a lot for me in order to better or relationship and make things work out. But in march our sex life began to dwindle, which I know for the most part is normal especially for relationships as long as ours. But we aren't married and neither of us have any children. I am 29, and he is 34 years old. He has been married once before, and I have never been married.

    Anyway, the reason I am here is because I need some insight. Since our sex life has dwindled, we used to do it at least 3 times a week, and now it's barely once a week, and when we do have sex, it's too short, he cums fast, and he doesn't even take the time afterwards to try and get me to cum. He only apologizes for cumming too quickly. I told him back when we got together that I feel like I at my sexual peak. I know women have their peak later then men. But I have never met a man that doesn't want sex...ever! He has told me he feels like he is low on testosterone, and claims that the reason we were having sex a lot when we got together is because he was on a testosterone booster supplement. He is really into physical fitness and felt like through the years he messed up his testosterone levels from all the supplementation he has taken all these years. But when I talk to him about how it's been a problem that we aren't having sex anymore. His excuse is "oh, we'll, suck it up!" He says he can't afford the testosterone booster he was taking a few monks ago. But recently within the last 2 weeks I have noticed that he has been masterbating when I am not home. I will be at work. And it really upsets me because he is doing it at a time when I will be home in like 2 hours. Why won't he just wait til I get home? I get home from work at 9pm! He also claims that whenever I want to have sex, he is too tired. I don't always feel like that is the case. But I can't argue with him about it. Cuz I can't prove it. But he is making me feel like I am the one that is the problem. He says it isn't. But I don't understand how it couldn't be. I feel like leaving him. But I love him so much, I can't stand it. But everytime I notice that he has jerked off, I get so angry and can't understand why he wouldn't just want to have sex with his girlfriend who loves him and he loves too! I feel like I am just a roommate and a friend. Not someone's intimate partner. I asked him if I need to initiate the sex more. And I have done so, but he turns me down and says he is too tired all the time. It's so frustrating! What do I do? I noticed he jerked off while i was at work to ivht and i cinfronted him about it, and he admitted that he did. We argued about it tonight and he kicked me out of the apartment. This may be the end. But I don't want it to be.
    Last edited by TUowl; 05-03-2013 at 01:20 AM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Sydney Australia
    Posts
    1,428
    Gender
    Female
    Can I ask how you know he has masturbated? Has he left the "evidence" lying around?

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    6
    Yes, well I masterbate because he doesn't have sex with me. And he knows this, but I leave the astroglide on the stand and I can't tell when it's been moved. In fact, when I noticed today, I confronted him and he was honest and told me that he did.

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    6
    Oh! And he claims he does it cuz he is bored. But when people are bored they don't masterbate. At least I've never heard of that. People watch tv or read, etc. if they're bored. Not pick up astroglide and jerk off!i told him that him jerking off wouldn't bother me if we had a normal sex life. But because we hardly have one at all, it's an issue. That's when he became defensive and told me to leave. I told him how he makes me feel like its me, and I can't see how it isn't at this point. He once told me that he cums basically by feeling, that he doesn't watch porn or think things in his head. Is that true? Can that happen for guys...to come based off of the feeling it gives?

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    San Francisco
    Age
    38
    Posts
    9,050
    Gender
    Male
    Quote Originally Posted by TUowl View Post
    Oh! And he claims he does it cuz he is bored. But when people are bored they don't masterbate. At least I've never heard of that. People watch tv or read, etc. if they're bored. Not pick up astroglide and jerk off!i told him that him jerking off wouldn't bother me if we had a normal sex life. But because we hardly have one at all, it's an issue. That's when he became defensive and told me to leave. I told him how he makes me feel like its me, and I can't see how it isn't at this point. He once told me that he cums basically by feeling, that he doesn't watch porn or think things in his head. Is that true? Can that happen for guys...to come based off of the feeling it gives?
    Wrong. Boredom is a PERFECT reason to jerk off. Survey says number one answer. And yeah it's all about the feeling.

  6. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    6
    Ok, if its due to boredom, can u tell me why? Like why do guys jerk off because of boredom when you can just watch tv or do some other activity? I just find it weird. I never heard of it before. I want to understand it. I'm not trying to be rude. I asked my boyfriend on why it's due to boredom and he instead just gives up!

  7. #7
    Platinum Member offplanet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    1,830
    Gender
    Female
    I don't think you can force someone to want to have sex with you through anger. If he doesn't feel like it that might be that and it's up to you whether you want to stay with him and feel frustrated and rejected. There have been men on this forum who've said they don't have a high sex drive, and it might be more 'normal' than you think. Maybe you're in the comfort zone after 5 years and after him having been married before. Maybe this is what it's going to be like from now on. Actually it wouldn't be good for his health to take supplements in order to get his sex drive back.
    The heart is a lonely hunter

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    San Francisco
    Age
    38
    Posts
    9,050
    Gender
    Male
    Quote Originally Posted by TUowl View Post
    Ok, if its due to boredom, can u tell me why? Like why do guys jerk off because of boredom when you can just watch tv or do some other activity? I just find it weird. I never heard of it before. I want to understand it. I'm not trying to be rude. I asked my boyfriend on why it's due to boredom and he instead just gives up!
    Because it feels great. 1000 times better than Tv or anything else really. Better than sex in some situations.

  9. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    33
    Quote Originally Posted by TUowl View Post
    Oh! But when people are bored they don't masterbate. At least I've never heard of that. People watch tv or read, etc. if they're bored. ?
    you are so very wrong! im a 21year old female and when im bored i masturbate, it kills time and its fun to do, alot more fun then reading or watching tv thats fo sure

  10. #10
    Gold Member Sparklesong's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Ohio, USA
    Posts
    660
    Gender
    Female
    For whatever reason, he's only looking for physical release, not emotional closeness. Yes, that's very common, probably more so with men but for women, too. ANd the more you bug him about it and complain, the less he's going to want sex with you. I'd be willing to bet there's something else going on with his life, like job problems, maybe your relationship is bugging him, maybe another woman has caught his eye, or maybe his testosterone level did drop for some physical reason. People tend to lose the sex drive when there are problems in other areas of their lives.

    Just remember that men are wired differently than women. Just because a man doesn't feel or behave as you do doesn't mean that it's abnormal behavior for HIM. Many times men like to just "knock one off" and then carry on with the day, while women tend to prefer romance and seduction.

    I don't know anything about the testosterone supplements, but maybe there's kind of a withdrawal period when you stop taking them. As a medical lab tech, I know testosterone is a hormone that is regulated by the endocrine system in a "feedback loop" system. In other words, your body makes it, it registers that you have enough so it stops making it. When it registers that you need it again, it makes more, and when it registers you have enough, it stops again, and so on. It's possible that him taking the artificial suppelments screwed up the body's system enough where it hasn't kicked in to make more. Just speculating, his doctor could looking into that and advise him.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Related Articles & Books
by Margarita Nahapetyan
One of the biggest causes of stress and unhappiness in life are failed relationships. Making a relationship work is one of the most important life ...
by Margarita Nahapetyan
It has been universally acknowledged that having a long distance relationship is not such a good idea, especially if there is no known end-date to ...
by Margarita Nahapetyan
Some people say that when we deeply love or care about someone we automatically open the door to betrayal. I am not sure whether such statement holds ...
 

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Expert Advice

Online
Call
$3/minute
Caring professional willing to talk about all types of sexual issues. Serious, open discussions with the ages of 18 and older.
Online
CallChat
$4.99/minute
Make your Sex Life Better, even amazing! I can help you learn how; Desire, LGBT, BD/SM, Fetish, Cross Dressing, Performance, Porn Addiction
Online
Call
$1.75/minute
25+ YEARS EXPERIENCE. Restore the joy of your relationship by alleviating sexual dissatisfaction, dysfunction and a wide variety of sexual challenges."generously affordable"
Online
CallChat
$2.75/minute
My experience as a psychotherapist, life coach and academic specialist in human sexuality, and non-judgmental, practical approach allows me to help you. LGHBTQIA-supportive.
Online
Chat
$3.49/minute
A lot of people have trouble in their sex lives but almost all these problems can be solved. Talk with a friendly non-judgemental Therapist about it and improve your life!