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  1. #11
    Platinum Member shooting star's Avatar
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    may I tell you my view on sex and what is important ...

    the most amazing experiences sex wise I have ever had where born out of pure love , not status ., and it was with the man I came here about . Because I loved him , every inch of him , when he took my face and kissed me it didnt matter if he
    had slept with 200 women prior to me ..I wouldnt know , I dont ask these questions ...because it didnt matter anyway .

    I loved what he was about , how he made me feel , his voice , his mind , his conversation , his laugh , the things we did together ..that all came first the beautiful love you feel for another ...thats like foreplay in all honesty .

    so it stood to reason than when we united in sex/making love , whatever you want to call it ...then the joy and fulfilment where so electric and so charged with passion that nothing else mattered .

    I hope you can sort your head out with all this stuff because you sound like a good guy x
    You don't choose the wand Potter , the wand chooses you ...

  2. #12
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    I think you need to get over it man, I mean whats the big deal? I guess I don't get it because it's not like baby cherub unicorn kittens will randomly fly into the room shooting fireworks out of their a**'s when two virgins have sex.

    Seriously, you should be focused more on the person, and not the superficial details. You are judging people for doing something that is totally normal, setting double standards, using this as a motivation to use people, and in the end what for? Being with a virgin really isn't the best lay anyways, the first time isn't the best for most people in general, and it's not a fairtale. It doesn't make a person any more or less to have been with people before you, and thats an idea you better get ok with because face it man it's not like the women of the world are going to stay chaste just so they can have a chance to be with you.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member tvnerdgirl's Avatar
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    I lost my virginity to my husband, who had lost his a long, long time ago. I was rare in the sense that although I had fooled around with guys, I hadn't had full intercourse with anybody until I met my husband. When we first had sex, I was 25 years old.

    Did it bother me that he had already had this experience without me? A little bit, but only in the sense that it felt like I 'missed out' on that part of him, and that made me a bit sad. I wasn't jealous of the girl he lost his virginity to (though I did find out we shared the same name which was a bit amusing) but I did wish that it could have been me. He told me later on that he shared other 'firsts' with me (Like telling me he loved me and introducing me to his parents, etc.) so I took those instead and it felt better.

    You need to figure out why you are so bothered by this? Is it because you are thinking of giving her this part of yourself and you don't feel like it is going to be given back? Or is it because you are jealous that someone else 'got there first' so to speak.

    You cannot change her past. That is something you NEED to realize right now. And the older you get, the less likely it is that you will find women out there who are still virgins. For the most part statistically people lose their virginity in their mid to late teens.

    I don't say that to make anybody feel bad if they are still virgins (again I was 25) but that is what the numbers say.

    She has already confessed that she is deeply upset and bothered by her initial experiences with sex. Her being shy with you is very likely a response to that, and a desire to do things differently from now on. People focus too much I think on the fact that you can only lose your virginity once that they can sometimes miss the point. Is it better to lose it to someone you love and care about? I think so but that is just an opinion and I think that so many people are told this that any other circumstance that they may have, automatically causes them to feel judged and shameful.

    Don't make her feel any worse about this - she obviously feels she made a mistake she cannot take back. You say you connect with her and that you have wonderful chemistry, right? Then why are you even CONSIDERING girl #2 when you have admitted yourself that you would likely leave her after it's over with. Wouldn't that result in the same thing happening as with girl #1? You would take her virginity and treat her the same way. Do you want to be that guy?

    Do not let selfish male pride rob you of the possibility of a great relationship.

    You will not be able to be her first sexual experience. That ship has sailed, but it still IS possible to be her first POSITIVE sexual experience and that in my opinion is FAR more important.

  4. #14
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    Go out with the girl that you really like. Don't look at the girl who is a virgin as a "mark" - who you see as someone you can lose your virginity with and nothing more. If you don't love someone it is going to be a weird and awkward experience and you might regret feeling so attached to a girl you have no feelings for and you used. I don't think its healthy being with a girl who you are with because you are afraid she will cry for not having a boyfirend, etc. but going after a girl JUST because she is a virgin and for no other good traits is just not optimal either.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by abitbroken View Post
    Go out with the girl that you really like. Don't look at the girl who is a virgin as a "mark" - who you see as someone you can lose your virginity with and nothing more. If you don't love someone it is going to be a weird and awkward experience and you might regret feeling so attached to a girl you have no feelings for and you used. I don't think its healthy being with a girl who you are with because you are afraid she will cry for not having a boyfirend, etc. but going after a girl JUST because she is a virgin and for no other good traits is just not optimal either.
    It is a sleezeball thing to do and I even said that.
    I think this fixation on virginity might have stemmed from me being "technically raped"
    in the past. Its a memory I remember very little about and I guess I've just sorta "locked it away".
    I suppose this is sort of the way the repressed memory I suppose you would call it, manifests itself.
    Much like the situation with her, an older boy talked me into having sex with him. And I guess subconciously
    I didn't want to accept my virginity being lost to a male at age 11. But when I think back on it and just accept
    that was my virginity, I feel better about it and I feel as though that helps me cope with this as I can relate to her in that situation.
    I'm not really jealous of the guy just disappointed that I can't share my virginity with my mate. I've been told that
    the dude doesn't count as my virginity as a lot of people say at that age your easily suggestible and cant make sound decisions.
    But yeah... I think that I will continue to talk to both of them and try my best to keep an open mind as
    like I said, I have yet to meet girl #2 in person.

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