My boyfriend wants me to pay for him. Advice?
Yesterday, my boyfriend asked me to pay for his food (chicken from Chicken Holiday and pizza (2 slices) from Phil's Pizza Place) for when he comes from where he lives to come see me this Saturday. He told me to bring about $25. I said I wasn't sure if I'd have enough $ for when I see him this Saturday. Honestly I didn't wanna pay for him. I feel like he's mooching off of me.
You see, I'm saving up $ for a few things that I want. I have one jar of $ for when I get tattoos, another jar of $ for when I get my own apartment in New York City, and another jar of $ to buy my own long board. When I told him, he just said just forget about the long board $ so I'll be able to pay for his food.
Last time (I think about two weeks ago) we were supposed to meet and he ditched me because his friend (male or female I dunno) was coming to see him from I forget where. It involves a plane I know that much. Anyway, he said that another reason he had to ditch was because he wanted to save his $ to be able to pay for us.
Let me get this out in the open; I don't like to be spoiled. Never have. I pay for my own things and he pays for his own things. I want to be an independent woman. I don't want things handed to me. He said he wanted enough to pay for me next time we meet up, too. Which is this Saturday. I told him not to be he insisted. After God knows how long I finally caved in and agreed. His $, his choice right? Next time I just won't let him.
But now when I asked him what happened to saving his $ to pay, he laughed and threw it in my face that I really did want to be spoiled. I explained to him that that was not the case and that what I really meant was "I thought you weren't gonna be broke because you said you'd have $ to pay for yourself."
He said 'no' he didn't. Only a $20 to hitch a train and see me.
This has happened more than once. Where I'd spare him a few bills for pizza, or a video games, or ice cream.
I'm not poor or rich, I'm middle class. I have a budget. I can't keep on paying for him, ya know?
What do I do? If I tell him flat out "no", then he'll get really *****y(pardon my French)and blow up on me.
Is there any nice way of telling him that I can't(and honeslty do not want to all the time)pay for him because I can barely afford things myself with my minimum wadge job and allowence from my parents?
"I'd rather have flowers in my hair than diamonds around my neck."
I admire you for wanting to be independent...but you should NOT have to pay for this guys food. My rule of thumb is to take turns paying,or if one pays the other tips at least. Sorry but Id dump this chump now...sounds like needless drama.
Just tell him you don't have the money to spare. Strait up. Be honest, but not mean about it. It's not your fault you don't have the funds to pay for him. Every once and a while, ok, but all the time? That's not fair.
I would probably talk to him about your visits and say that you can only see each other as long as you both have the money to do so. You don't want him paying for you or you paying for him because it causes hard feelings.
If some guy told my 15 year old to give up her longboard money to buy him food, I'd tell her to dump him. She could do better, and so can you! Good luck.
And all these days I spend away
I'll make up for this I swear
I need your love to hold me up
When it's all too much to bear
And when the night falls in around me
And I don't think I'll make it through
I'll use your light to guide the way
'Cause all I think about is you
-3 Doors Down
Today, 01:35 AM
he just said just forget about the long board $ so I'll be able to pay for his food.
He is being selfish. If you don't have money for pizza. Buy something cheap you both can share like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
The Roots of Violence:
Wealth without work,
Pleasure without conscience.
Knowledge without character.
Commerce without morality.
Science without humanity.
Worship without sacrifice.
Politics without principles.
Tell him to take a hike. And don't come back. He's not a man.
He is, full stop. Male or female, you don't make demands like this of someone you're dating. If they want to buy food for you, fine, but you don't demand it.
Originally Posted by Sparky66
You needn't be nice about telling him this, because you really don't want anything to do with someone like that.
Tell him that if he wants you to treat for the food then you are going to choose the menu and you are going to pick up some sandwich fillings and chips and you can drink water.
|ALL forms of relationship issues addressed. Marriage, Divorce, LGBT, BDSM, Alternative Lifestyle, Online Dating and Relationships, Co-Dependence, Sex Addiction|
|Unhappy? Confused? Depressed? Jealous? Angry at your partner? Tired of being misunderstood? Whatever your relationship issues I can help you address them!|
|25+ YEARS EXPERIENCE. Intervention specialist and counselor who helps couples and families repair and rescue their relationships. "generously affordable"|
|Are you feeling stuck, trapped in the same patterns that repeat over & over? Are you feeling angry, alone, unappreciated & unheard? I can help you.|
|Licensed Professional Counselor. 30yrs working with couples & families to empower individuals and their relationships. Exploring the opportunities for joy and contentment.|