My ex is pregnant and hasnt talked to me in 2 weeks...

Its been a horrible last 2 weeks .. ive been depressed and moddy last few months. Ex decided to take a break from me 3 weeks ago.. then she found out she was pregnant. Ww talked for few days.. then had an argument and she said it was over.. and has totaly refused to talk to me..

Ive owned up to how i was , its not me and wanna change and be the right man.. and be there as a family.. talked to her dad once he said be ready for her to never come back to u..

Ive tried talking , flowers.. i wanna change and im a good person.. and just wanna have a loving rel and family together. . She just ignores all my attempts.. she is 8 weeks pregnat..

Such a horriable feeling.. im lost , n confused...

I have never been through anything like this so I'm not sure how much help I can be

I think you need to be firm but respectful to her about wanting to be in the child's life even if you are not together. Tell her you completely understand her not wanting to be with you,but you really want to be a good father so you would like it if you two could meet some place (neutral place) to talk about how much you are going to be involved.

I think it would help your case to start reading all those baby books and new parent books. You can then talk to her about some of the things you have read and offer to lend them to her if she would like to read them.

If she keeps ignoring you then it, you might need to get a lawyer to see your kid.

I agree. You can't force someone to be with you romantically, but you do have rights when it comes to your child.

First - I would give her a couple more weeks to breathe. She too is going through a lot right now. She wants to break up and she clearly needs space (and is taking it).

I would wait a couple of weeks and then contact her. Stop talking about reconciliation - just tell her that you want to be there for the child and you want to be involved in the child's life. Ask her to let you know when the doctors appointments are because you would like to be there.

If she keeps ignoring you after that, see a lawyer.

I agree. You can't force someone to be with you romantically, but you do have rights when it comes to your child.

 

First - I would give her a couple more weeks to breathe. She too is going through a lot right now. She wants to break up and she clearly needs space (and is taking it).

 

I would wait a couple of weeks and then contact her. Stop talking about reconciliation - just tell her that you want to be there for the child and you want to be involved in the child's life. Ask her to let you know when the doctors appointments are because you would like to be there.

 

If she keeps ignoring you after that, see a lawyer.

I agree....

Thanks.. i agree too.. im giving her space and yes i want to be in the childs life.. but i also dont want us tobe single parents.. i want us to rise above our problems work thru it and become a loving family.. i know we both love eachother, maybe she is hurt and confused trying to teach me a leason.. i wish we cpuld work thru it.. i own up to my issues and wanna change...

Why not see if you guys can go to counseling together?

Thanks.. i agree too.. im giving her space and yes i want to be in the childs life.. but i also dont want us tobe single parents.. i want us to rise above our problems work thru it and become a loving family.. i know we both love eachother, maybe she is hurt and confused trying to teach me a leason.. i wish we cpuld work thru it.. i own up to my issues and wanna change...

Yes... but all this reconciliation talk, IMO, will only push her away right now. You need to prioritize.

Your first priority should be a channel of communication and the child. Stop talking about reconciliation and focus on the child. Assume you will be single parents and respect both her space and decision.

Once that line of communication is open and you've proven (over time - months, if it has to be), then you can mention reconciliation again. Or see if that's something she might be interested in.

You are trying to push both agendas so she is just slamming the door. Then you are getting mad that she won't talk about the child! If you keep pushing that reconciliation agenda, she'll keep slamming the door.

You may find that when you show that you can respect her decision and show that you are being responsible, that she will want reconcilation too. But... she may not. And you have to be prepared for that too.

This may sound harsh but now is not the time to indulge yourself in "wish she would take me back" stuff. Now is the time to get a little hard ass and focus on being a father.

If she is having this child, you are going to be a father. And it doesn't matter what her family thinks of that, or what she thinks of you right now. You have a right and a responsibility to this new being that the TWO of you created.

She is being indulgent as well. I told you it might sound harsh, but the two of you and her parents need a swift kick in the ass.

It's not about you or her anymore....it's about a kid. Put it aside. Who cares?! The child is first now.

Have you contacted a lawyer yet? I wouldn't wait. She's busy playing theatrics, and there is a kid on the line. Time to grow up.

I would like that.. and be a great idea prob work well if she wanted to try and make it work , till tjen i cant even get her to talk to me..

Why not see if you guys can go to counseling together?

I would just tell her that she cannot push you out of your child's life and you will go to a lawyer about it. Tell her you would like to get back together and be a loving family and you would be willing to go to counseling to have it all work out. Even if it does not work out with her you will be seeing your child and you will be getting a lawyer to do so.

I don't think now is the time to bring up getting back together or even couples therapy. That would push me further away if I was this girl. IMO, the OP should just concentrate on the child and being a father.

OP, when you contact her I think you need to make it very clear you are not trying to get back together but trying to work out a system for co-parenting.

I agree.. and understand.. ive contacted her 3 times last two weeks.. been trying to give her the space.. i think i will take the next 3-6 weeks and not contact her at all.. she knows i love her and wanna make our family work...

She always told me she wants a guy who cares enough to stop, take the time to care and make a rel work... but ahe is totaly shutting me out totaly ironic.. so weird..

Im sure she needs her time.. but she is stubborn.. and ive tried to express how much she means to me and what im willing to do... i would think she would rise up or grow up and try to make our diff work for the sake of our love we shared and the family we created..

I guess NC for few months if it has to be.. but ive tried and ahe doesnt care.. maybe she is determined to have this child on herown.. or teach me a leason.. dont know

The first thing you need to do is let all this calm down. Don't push her at all, just tell her calmly that you'd like to try to be a family and would like her to go to counseling with you to try to work through whatever your issues were in the past. If she chooses to participate fine, and if not, your attorney will talk to her attorney about setting up a paternity test, child support and a visitation schedule with the baby. She needs to understand this is not a case of she has the baby, gets your money, then you go away and never see the child again just because she wants to be a single mother.

Sadly you will be on the hook for 18 years of child support now, so you do need to check out the laws for your state to see what you might be on the hook for based on your income, and start planning and budgeting based on that. Your life plan needs to have two alternatives, as in what your budget will be like if she won't agree to live with you and you will have to pay child support, and what it would be like if you do try to live together and raise this baby.

You also need to protect yourself in that she may will be trying to go for the angle that you owe her full child support, but you should have no rights to the baby at all in terms of visitation. Some women sadly DO want to raise a baby alone and take the man's money for child support, but want him to go away and never be involved at all with the baby or even take the baby on visitations away from the mother. So she could be quietly trying to prove that you are somehow crazy rather than just 'moody' and hence she should get the money but you have no rights as a father at all. So i would plan accordingly with your attorney, to show that you are reasonable and competent and do have a right to participate in your child's life and upbringing.

Your focus now needs to be on protecting your rights as a father and trying to prevent her from just taking money and cutting you out. She can make the decision to not be your partner anymore, but she can't take your money for child support and expect you to just go away and never see the child again. And you have to be careful if you think she is setting you up by making you look crazy or violent, because that could be cooked up with the help of her family to try to get your money, but get you out of the picture to never see the baby or have any part in its life.

Victoria and itsallgrand..

I dont wanna bring up lawyers and custody yet.. just makes me look vindictive..

I really dont have rights till baby is born.. for know its in her body.. if she doesnt tery and open a dialouge with me afrer the child is born. Then im gonna have to be forced to fight for my rights...

Hope it never comes to that and we work it out and rise above oyr problems and become a family

btw, her feelings may change as she gets more pregnant and time goes on. right now it is easy to cut you out, but as the pregnancy progresses and the baby becomes more 'real' to her, she might have second thoughts about doing this alone. many people have idealized views of what it will be like when they have their child and don't figure in the exhaustion, expense, drudgery of caring for an infant. They picture the baby snuggling in and cooing happily, not all the poo and screaming and lack of sleep etc. So reality may change her mind.

Her famliy may be whipping her up now on the 'principle of the thing', but when the baby is born, they most likely will NOT be up all night with her and assuming all those tedious and unfun child care tasks equally with her. They will want to play with the baby, but will not be her partner. So at that point, you may start looking good again and her family notsomuch...

I hear u.. and that would suck.. i know her parents might be feeding her that she doeant need me and she can raise it alone.. hope she would never be so vindictive that she would cut me out like that..

She cant take my money and i never see the child.. just not gonna happen..

Im really hoping she needs time and will see that i wanna be here for her and the child...

Victoria and itsallgrand..

 

I dont wanna bring up lawyers and custody yet.. just makes me look vindictive..

 

I really dont have rights till baby is born.. for know its in her body.. if she doesnt tery and open a dialouge with me afrer the child is born. Then im gonna have to be forced to fight for my rights...

 

Hope it never comes to that and we work it out and rise above oyr problems and become a family

Do you know that for sure? Do you know the laws where you are?

How could it look vindictive...she doesn't even need to know right now what you are doing. And even if she knew or you chose to tell her (now or later), it doesn't look vindictive to me...it is not to punish nor hurt anyone...but simply to protect yourself.

It is not vindictive it is protecting your rights and protecting your child.

Understand. . Part of me feels when it doea hit her more of realiry 4-5Months months into it and baby is kicking inside of her.. i like to think her nautrul recation is to want me to be there and part of it.. maybe not at all.. dont know..

I know she has kinda unhealthy rel with her family.. she turns to em, for advice, support, not financially at all .. for a 28 yr old i feel she is to ried to her parents.. she should be more independent and making decesion based around bith of us...

What state do you live in? Do no assume she cannot get child support without you seeing the child.

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Do you know that for sure? Do you know the laws where you are?

 

How could it look vindictive...she doesn't even need to know right now what you are doing. And even if she knew or you chose to tell her (now or later), it doesn't look vindictive to me...it is not to punish nor hurt anyone...but simply to protect yourself.

Yes for most states rights come after aby is born.. sometimes paternity test needs to be done to hold validity in court..

Of course im aware of what i might need to do.. hopefully doesnt come to that and we can work it out..

But im prepared to act if need to be..

You are going to need to plan for the worst in this. I read a story once of a man and women, the women would not let the man see her child and when they finally went to court she said he had never asked or shown any interest in the child, his contact was only to try and get back in a romantic relationship with her. I created a legal nightmare for the dad. If I can find the story I'll post it but this was years ago.

Well, if she is really enmeshed unhealthily with her parents that can be a bad thing. They may not want to lose control of her or their grandchild to an 'outsider', forgetting that you do have rights. I know some parents who would prefer their children never leave home and consider nobody 'good enough' for their child. So if they have an unhealthy relationship, that could be working against you.

I hope you can work something out and she may indeed re-think this over time as the birth gets closer. I'd just tell her that you are there for her if she ever wants to talk or wants you to help her or go to doctor's appts with her or anything else and you will support her in any way she wants. Then step back and see what she does/says. If she is stubborn by nature, the more resistance you give her the harder she will push away. So instead take the 'anything you want' approach and let her settle down and let the stubborness recede again before pushing for anything.

You are going to need to plan for the worst in this. I read a story once of a man and women, the women would not let the man see her child and when they finally went to court she said he had never asked or shown any interest in the child, his contact was only to try and get back in a romantic relationship with her. I created a legal nightmare for the dad. If I can find the story I'll post it but this was years ago.

Understand. . Hoping never comes to that.. but i will prepare myself

Yes, i agree with Moontiger. Save all your emails to her showing that you are trying to contact her and are available and interested in being involved and that she is rejecting you. courts don't take kindly to absentee fathers, but they don't take kindly to mothers who are demanding child support but trying to block the father out of the child's life either.