Guys just never really seem interested in me... Confused?

In 26 years of my life, I can honestly say I've never been in a serious relationship. Yeah I've kissed and had flings in the past but I haven't met a guy who wanted to actually date me or want a serious relationship with me. I feel left behind because a lot of women my age have at least some experience with dating or being in a relationship. I'm even noticing a lot of my friends are getting married and settling down and I can't even find a guy that's remotely interested in me. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't have high expectations, I rarely meet a guy I click with. I've tried online dating but it's a waste of time, most of the guys online are into some kind of game from what I can see. I've talked to numerous guys on there,, things went no where with each of them. I don't think online dating is the way to go. I did date a guy briefly last year for 5 months. Nothing serious, we were just in the stages of talking and getting to know one another and I was really liking this guy but he ended up vanishing. He just stopped taking my calls and started ignoring me which hurt me deeply. I'm still hurt a little by it because he was the only guy I was truly liking in a long time and now he left. So it's back to the drawing board.

In my daily life it seems like I'm ignored by guys. I never seem to catch guys checking me out or no guy ever comes up to me or approach me saying that they would like to get to know me etc. It makes me feel unattractive because it seems like with other women and my friends, they have no problem with guys approaching them or dating. I have one friend who just always seem to find a guys to be in a relationship with. I know it's bad example because she can't keep a guy lol, but at least she can find men that actually wants something serious with her. People tell me all of the time I am an attractive young woman with a lot to offer, so why aren't guys seeing that?

It is hard to know why some women are man magnets and others are not. It is the same with men..some get all the women after them and some have trouble finding dates. There will probably be people responding to your thread trying to figure out what you may be doing wrong...but it isn't necessarily that you are doing anything wrong. Sometimes that is just the way the chips fall. I have met the most messed up men and women who have no shortage of admirers. They do everything wrong (nasty, drama, angst, jealously, depression, anger issues, no compassion etc) but somehow they are considered the cat's meow. Go figure. Don't try to understand it....just continue living your life and maybe one day it will happen for you.

Sheila Carter, I feel your pain, I really do. I am in the same boat as you. I agree with crazyaboutdogs- I know people who are such drama queens, crazy, unstable, hard work girls and they get the guys falling at their feet, adoring them and wanting relationships with them. I on the other hand am a stable, well balanced, chilled out person with so much to give and can not for the love of god find a guy that wants to go any further than just casual dating. I seem to attract guys but never the kind that want a relationship. I ALWAYS meet the emotionally unavailable men, are these the kind of guys you are meeting?

I have just recently gone back to online dating. I have made a pact with myself to accept no crap and if a guy starts to be flakey or pulling back then sod them, onto the next one, We deserve to be treated really well!! Maybe try online dating again? You really do have to filter through all the weirdos and guys playing games/looking for one thing and keep faith that somewhere out there there is someone for you. good luck x

OMG Lucy3 it feels good to know I'm not the only one. I am like you.. I'm young,sane and a stable young woman, very attractive from what people tell me and like you, All I meet are emotionally unavailable men. All of the guys I've met only just seem to be interested in wanting sex and nothing more. It's discouraging because it seems like it's rare that I can find a guy in my area who's not just looking for sex. I guess I'm old fashioned in my ways. I like getting to know a guy, talking and hanging out, getting to know someone before things get serious. Doesn't help that I can't seem to get one guy to be interested in me besides the physical.

I think I'm done with online dating. It seems like a game, I feel like I have to compete with the other girls on there and I just don't have time for that. All it takes is for a guy to click on another woman's profile, he starts talking to her more and he eventually phases me out. I really feel this is what happens with me with online dating. There's so many options on there for people to choose online, I find it hard to find someone who would want someone serious. I mean once a guy gets bored with me, he can just go back online and look for another exciting girl to talk to. This happens a lot where the guy will phase me out and I will see that he's back online or still looking to begin with. I rather just meet a guy in the real world and talk with him that way but I can't even seem to get a guy to notice me in real life so it's a no win situation I suppose. I'll keep trying but the older I get, the more discouraged I become because I'm not getting any younger. I'll be 30 in a few more years and that's usually the stage where people are settling down, having children and getting married so that worries me.

I'm a guy in the same boat as you, Shelia and Lucy3. I'm 35 and I'm told I'm a great guy--attractive, intelligent, genuine, doesn't play games, emotionally available, looking for commitment, etc.--and, yet I can't find a worthwhile relationship to save my life. I'm so tired of it. What I found, though, is over the past 8 months or so my desire for a relationship has dwindled to practically nothing. It's just not worth the waste of energy trying to find something that obviously isn't trying to find me. I have to say I'm much happier now that I'm no longer concerned about finding someone. Maybe that's something to consider.

I'm in the same situation, but still waiting for a first date. Like you, people tell me that I am kind and very attractive.... but still nothing. I tried online dating too, but the guy I was getting along well with turned out not to be who he said he was and I lost my faith in it. If you're really serious about Internet dating you could consider sites like Match and Parship which match personalities so you can be relatively sure that people aren't just after hook-up or flocking in for your photos. They do come at a monetary price though.

Problem is once you feel that guys are finding you unattractive, it can become a downward spiral: a guy blows you off - you feel unworthy - you give off vibes of unworthiness - other guys don't approach you. I've been there and it can be difficult to disengage your esteem from their emotional unavailability, which is clearly an issue of theirs and not indicative of your attractiveness, though I know it can feel that way. Maybe spend some time just for yourself - career, gym, hobbies, whatever makes you feel good about yourself. Not sure whether this is the magic secret but women who feel great about themselves tend to draw guys like moths to a flame. Keep going and I'm sure you will meet someone nice who will be open about his feelings and respect you.

I know exactly what you mean, it seems to just be a numbers game, guys are so easily distracted by other girls with online dating! But how else will you meet a guy? I find the guys in bars are just game players and flakey.....ughhh dating is so draining lol

The dating world can be cruel, both to women and men. There are good people out there who can't attract others, or land a date, while many who are manipulative, mean, abusive, etc. will have a lot of success with attracting the opposite sex. You can do everything right and still not find anyone. I am a university graduate, working an office job full-time and pursuing a professional accounting designation, treat others well and always considerate. Yet, I never had a relationship before and can't get someone for the life of me. Some people just have "it", others don't.

To be honest, the dating game can be very exhaustive, frustrating and tiresome. Is it worth it? I don't know.. but it may not be a bad thing to take a break away from it for awhile. It is a silly game in my opinion, that I am unlikely to ever win in.

It is funny because I organized a meetup group today to go see a play and this very nice looking guy showed up along with five other women.

As an organizer I try to be warm and friendly. I was making jokes with everyone ... not just the guy ... and by the time the play started we were all like best friends. At the end the guy asked me for my number and I politely declined. I was actually surprised because there were several other women and there and they are single (I am not).

Afterwards one girl mentioned in passing she thought the guy was cute and wanted to see him again (he had not asked for her number). I told her I was surprised that she liked him because she seemed upset.

Anyway ... body language is important. This girl is aa real stunner and I am ok but not a model. But I was happy and friendly and connected with everyone intellectually about various topics. I cannot say this is the answer but I marvel at how "

.. I marvel at how your demeanor and personality can indeed attract men. Just a thought.

Edit: sorry for the crazy grammar. My phone is being testy.

Perhaps you have to work on becoming more open to the experience of meeting a guy. Some girls can meet a lot of guys because they are flirty and smile alot..essentially they open themselves up to the guy to want to get to know them on a deeper level. Smiling, joking and eye contact are all important. Guys are out there and looking but perhaps you are just passing them by and not realizing it. I don't feel like I will meet a guy on line either and have had bad luck with it while others I know have had success stories. I do better meeting guys at work or by chance. Anyway it's not easy for sure.

I'll throw my male perspective of this situation out there. In my opinion, the reasons a woman can't attract a man are much simpler then why a man can't attract a woman. Us men are quite simple.

1. You are not physically attractive.

2. You are attracting men but have unreasonable expectations.

3. You are physically attractive, but intimidating.

4. You aren't going places where single men can approach you.

5. You don't flirt or play too hard to get.

I would venture to say that almost all situations where a woman can't get a man fall into one or more of these categories. You can fix all of them if you want to. If any of these situations sounds like you then don't be suprised that men aren't knocking down your door. Females have a huge advantage when it comes to dating and finding mates so consider yourselves lucky. There is absolutely no conspiracy out there keeping you from finding a man.

It is hard to know why some women are man magnets and others are not. It is the same with men..some get all the women after them and some have trouble finding dates. There will probably be people responding to your thread trying to figure out what you may be doing wrong...but it isn't necessarily that you are doing anything wrong. Sometimes that is just the way the chips fall. I have met the most messed up men and women who have no shortage of admirers. They do everything wrong (nasty, drama, angst, jealously, depression, anger issues, no compassion etc) but somehow they are considered the cat's meow. Go figure. Don't try to understand it....just continue living your life and maybe one day it will happen for you.

That is so true, lol. That's exactly why the thing to do is live life for yourself. If you don't feel like changing yourself, DON'T. Clearly those that don't still are successful.

I think I'm done with online dating. It seems like a game, I feel like I have to compete with the other girls on there and I just don't have time for that. All it takes is for a guy to click on another woman's profile, he starts talking to her more and he eventually phases me out. I really feel this is what happens with me with online dating.

Haha, do you honestly believe that?? If you haven't read the other threads here on that, you should be aware that MOST men send dozens of emails for every one that writes back and even that one can "phase" us out just as easily as you think is happening to you. Online dating is not easy for most people. Yes there are too many choices but people's expectations overall are just unrealistic, regardless of gender. You literally cannot, at any stage, become emotionally invested with anyone (yes not even after sex). Most people that are on the internet sites are just passing time, going on dates whenever and not taking it too seriously. Because you have no ties to the person in real life, there's no accountability. I'd stick with online dating, just don't take it so seriously.

I've tried online dating but it's a waste of time, most of the guys online are into some kind of game from what I can see. I've talked to numerous guys on there,, things went no where with each of them. I don't think online dating is the way to go. I did date a guy briefly last year for 5 months. Nothing serious, we were just in the stages of talking and getting to know one another and I was really liking this guy but he ended up vanishing. He just stopped taking my calls and started ignoring me which hurt me deeply. I'm still hurt a little by it because he was the only guy I was truly liking in a long time and now he left. So it's back to the drawing board.

^

Ten characters

Totally agree, as usual. I'm a firm believer in the concept that the world gives you what you ask for. A slightly outgoing, fun and accepting personality is very alluring. If you're shy and/or more aloof, you're simply harder to get to know.

It's hard enough for a guy to walk up and talk to a woman who's smiling at you and making good eye contact. If you have a blank expression and show no signs of interest whatsoever, well, would you want to take the risk of walking up to that person and hoping for a good outcome?

It doesn't matter how "stunning," sane or stable you are - if you're looking closed off, do you see how you're more likely to attract a commitment phobe who's looking for someone to hang out with on a superficial level?

I don't know if this fits you at all - just something to think about.

I'm a guy in the same boat as you, Shelia and Lucy3. I'm 35 and I'm told I'm a great guy--attractive, intelligent, genuine, doesn't play games, emotionally available, looking for commitment, etc.--and, yet I can't find a worthwhile relationship to save my life. I'm so tired of it. What I found, though, is over the past 8 months or so my desire for a relationship has dwindled to practically nothing. It's just not worth the waste of energy trying to find something that obviously isn't trying to find me. I have to say I'm much happier now that I'm no longer concerned about finding someone. Maybe that's something to consider.

I keep telling myself that also....and I think that is the main thing that I have to change. It gets me saying things like "maybe it is the universe's way of telling me that a relationship isn't in the cards.", or "it isn't my time."

I'm around the same age (34) and have had nothing but rejection and bad first dates(...if I'm lucky enough to even get that far) over the past decade or so.

All I can say is that it gets a lot of us feeling down about ourselves, especially around the mid-30's.

I'm trying to convince myself to just focus on what I do have in life, and not on the things that I don't have. I wish I could just accept my loneliness, like the flick of a switch or something, but it just isn't that easy. Instead, I still hold on to the hope of eventually finding my soulmate, and starting a great life together. I think it just boils down to the fact that it takes some of us a lot longer to find it than others. Part of me wants to give up, and the other part of me wants to hold on to hope. I am holding on to hope, because I really don't know what tomorrow will bring.

Sometimes life isn't fair, and not up to what you expected it to be. I think the real trick is to accept what has come your way and make the best of it, because it is ever so short.

-LR

@SheliaCarter

Can you post a photo of a girl who looks like you?

Just curious how you look like.