Jump to content

Ex-girlfriend who dumped me contacted me again after a year NC


Michael9393

Recommended Posts

Hello everyone. Relationship advice requested.

 

So me and my only serious ex-girlfriend were together for a year after a three year friendship but she ended it in November 2011 and said it was because there was so much going on in her life, I didn't really care since I already knew she was tired of me because I myself tried to change her in ways she couldn't, which pressured her and I see much of the breakup as my own fault and have learned from my mistakes and know that I will not do the same in future relationships with any girls.

 

I was messed up when she left, it felt as if I had lost a part of me, obviously, since I still loved her when she did.

 

Anyway, about a week ago while I was at work I got a text message from her apologizing and asking me if I was mad at her and she also asked if I wanted to speak to her once I got home, I agreed and said I wasn't mad at her. I am disappointed, but I didn't say that, I'm guessing she understands since I wrote that to her in an e-mail shortly after we broke up that I felt no anger, I was only disappointed.

 

We've since then been speaking casually and she has added me on facebook. The first thing I notice when I head over to her facebook page is that she still saved a message from me on her page saying something along the lines of "I love you now and forever." where she replied the same.

 

In recent conversations, she's been saying things like: "Too bad you weren't here or we could've done this or that."

 

I've, at rare occasions, been mixing some naughty sentences in our conversations to keep myself out of the friend zone and her feedback has been positive rather than trying to avoid the subject.

 

Everything just feels so weird right now after no contact for an entire year, I don't want to say something that will ruin my chances with her as I know I have fixed my issues when it comes to relationships and I wouldn't be pushing her away if we ended up being together again.

 

Worth adding is that she at one occasion said something along the lines of: "I'm not interested in having a boyfriend." But quickly added: "...but that may change..." which gave me mixed feelings, does she mean I have to earn her trust for her to get together with me again or does she just play this game right now to make sure I don't end up in a relationship before her?

 

If she decided to wake up all the feelings again just as I recovered from the breakup just to be friends with me she can get out of my life, I'm not going to torture myself hanging around for long if we just end up being friends - I'm not staying in the friend zone as that will be too much for me to handle. Either she choose me or she'll lose me in other words, which I'm obviously not going to say to her face as that will pressure her into making a decision she might not be ready for.

 

I don't feel like a total stranger when I'm talking to her, I actually feel quite comfortable with it after all and she made me laugh multiple times, but I still have this weird feeling in my stomach, I'm guessing it's disappointment.

 

Any advice on what to do? We haven't spoken over the phone yet, just text.

 

Thank you for your time.

Link to comment

Worth adding is that I'm currently pretty broke, I had a lot of bills this month so I can't afford going to her and back for a date this month. I also think waiting an entire month will most likely put me in the friend zone. She lives about two hours away from my place, so if you have any advice on how to keep her chatting with me for another month without getting bored of me as if I'm not interesting that would be appreciated.

Link to comment

Stop using "the friendzone" as a fear of how things will go if you act a certain way. If she still likes you and is still attracted to you, then you're not going there. A girl being attracted to someone doesn't just fade out if you don't make the moves - it's most likely that if a guy is considered a friend, then he probably always has been. It's also not "permanent" - it doesn't create some kind of weird lock on a girls feelings toward you, it might just take a bit of extra effort and less pedestalling on your part - "The Friendzone" is just a concept which is an on going internet joke that you shouldn't be taking seriously.

 

Before asking her on an official date, why don't you just ask if you can meet up for lunch or something. You don't need to go anywhere special or over-the-top. All you're doing is actually seeing each other again in person rather than keeping in touch through facebook chat. Then you can decide (and so can she) if you're still compatible.

 

It could very well be that she is just enjoying the "harmless" flirting, and isn't interested in anything further than that. Waiting a month to find that out isn't going to be good for you. A lot can happen in a month, maybe try a couple of phone calls as well. Also, if you definitely can't do the lunch-date, maybe tell her that you'd like to take her out next month after you've been paid so that she knows you want this to go somewhere.

Link to comment

Michael,

2 hours distance, u r broke, this is an ex gf who broke up with u, AND u r asking how to keep her interested in chatting w/ u for a whole month?

I think you already know it doesnt sound promising and thats why it explains the 'weird feeling' in your stomach (sounds like knots not butterflies).

Link to comment
Michael,

2 hours distance, u r broke, this is an ex gf who broke up with u, AND u r asking how to keep her interested in chatting w/ u for a whole month?

I think you already know it doesnt sound promising and thats why it explains the 'weird feeling' in your stomach (sounds like knots not butterflies).

 

I've come to the conclusion that what I am feeling in my stomach is nervosity.

Link to comment

Well, as probably everyone here, I'm also having ex issues, so I'm not sure if I am of much help. I think you should go on talking to her, try to make her remember good things you shared, be positive and do NOT talk about what went wrong yet (believe me, I did this and now im in deep s**t). As for the date without money, can't you take her for a walk? Especially effective if there is a dog involved (would be in my case) or invite some common nice friends over for a film session and include her? Any film you always watched together? And in my opinion, the MOST effective of all, hint that you found out someone is interested on you (not you on them, that is not true or fair). It's a bit dirty, but it works, if you are interested in someone and think you might lose them because you are still thinking things true it accelerates the process quite a lot. I'm a girl, btw, so I'm telling you what my ex could do (and did) to get me interested again. Good luck!!

Link to comment
All good advice with the exception of the bold. Mind games never help and can blow up in your face.

 

I also think so and I hate playing games, which is why I never did with my ex. The problem is, I have the slight suspicion that he is trying to do this with me by telling me about a girl he dated, they didn't fall in love, according to him, and then he makes a meaningful pause and drops: But she is still an interesting person. Effect: Me madly jelous, and pining for him more than ever. Of course it doesn't last and after a while you tell the person: well, if she is so much better than stay with her and leave me alone. But to be honest, at the moment I could eat the poor woman's liver in front of her, even though she never did anything to me and is probably a great person. Before I start receiving comments about how violent, graphic, disgusting this sounds, I don't mean it literally, but I think jealousy is not a rational feeling so it's better to stop trying to rationalize it.

Link to comment
does she mean I have to earn her trust for her to get together with me again

 

come on, she is the one who needs to earn your trust. Not the other way around. You should have a better mindset regarding all this before meeting or talking to her, i.e. YOU are deciding if you give her a second chance. She has to prove for a long while that she deserves that.

Link to comment

This guy is right. She left you remember? Proceed with caution on this. Remember the pain she brought on you.

come on, she is the one who needs to earn your trust. Not the other way around. You should have a better mindset regarding all this before meeting or talking to her, i.e. YOU are deciding if you give her a second chance. She has to prove for a long while that she deserves that.
Link to comment

Despite the nice time together, be careful. She may want the occasional boyfriend experience on a date but it does not mean that things are fixed between you. You worked hard to stay out of the friendzone but you are already in the "ex-boyfriend" zone where you provide dates and quality time but have no standing. Take it slowly.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...