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Tricky to guess if she likes me - or is just being nice. I don't trust my gut!


cdb1204

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There is a woman I casually know through church — a singles Sunday School class, to be exact. She stopped attending that church earlier this year (her ex-boyfriend attends that church with his new wife, and I don't think she wants to see the two as long as she can help it — the wife was a former friend of hers). She is also a neighbor of mine and lives one street down (although we rarely see each other). Additionally, we both grew up in the same state 500 miles away and got our degrees from the exact same university (although we went at different times and never knew each other back then).

 

The few times I've had a conversation with her I've found her easy and pleasant to talk to. She's a really nice person. She's cute, although I'm more intrigued by her than I am actually attracted to her (if that makes any sense). I've thought off and on about asking her out, but I've heard from various people that a lot of the men in the Sunday School class where we met have BOMBARDED the women with requests for dates and those women HATE it and actually stay away from that class for that very reason. In fact, she and I had a casual conversation about this when we bumped into each other in the grocery store earlier this year (she hugged me when she saw me, if that matters). She confirmed the women in that class don't like it when guys in that class ask them out.

 

Last Wednesday, completely out of the blue, she posted a message on my Facebook wall saying she hopes I have a great Thanksgiving with my family in our mutual home state. She didn't post any similar messages on anybody else's Facebook wall, at least none that I could tell, and certainly not on the walls of any of our mutual friends. I would say we've had very little if any contact in the past six months (although she does LIKE various Facebook status updates of mine, from time to time and even requested to join a closed/exclusive Facebook group I created).

 

My first instinct at the time was that she is attracted to me and might be trying to get my attention, but I later ascribed that to just wishful thinking. Maybe she is just being nice?

 

(I've had this very subtle instinct before when talking to her......I was at a party at her house a year ago.....as I left she grabbed my hand to say goodbye, and she held it for a while)

 

So.....in your opinions......is she just a friendly person? Or would she not have posted that message on my wall unless she was interested in me?

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Why do you say you don't trust your gut? In my experience, lately I've had a few dates with girls great on paper and with whom I had a very good first contact - cute, attractive, conversation flowing, etc. After the first proper date, I had this gut feeling that something was missing and wrong, even though they were great. It turned out I was right and nothing happened with them.

 

So I ask you, be honest with yourself and tell me if you felt this "something missing" gut feeling, or are you positive about this? I say be honest because I tend to overlook flaws or that negative gut feeling as I want to take it further no matter what, thus I'm lying to myself when I do so.

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Trust your gut. What's the worst that could happen? She could say no and maybe avoid classes? You've known the woman over a year now, even if not closely...it's not like you are some guy she met last week in class. And, if she does say no and start avoiding classes, that's because of her own issues...not because of you.

 

Go for it. Keep it simple like coffee, but go for it nonetheless. Give yourself more credit. I think we need to listen more often when we feel our senses tingling.

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Go for it. Keep it simple like coffee, but go for it nonetheless. Give yourself more credit. I think we need to listen more often when we feel our senses tingling.

 

I agree. I'm finding that i'm beginning to trust that my gut will lead me the correct way. I'm starting think that if you feel chemistry and try to talk yourself out of it, there may be something there but if you're not sure about chemistry and try to talk yourself into it, it probably isn't there...

 

Either way, you should ask her out to coffee or something...

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She doesn't know you well enough to like or not like you yet. She's probably at least attracted enough to you to agree to go out with you once, if you approach her the right way. So give it a shot.

 

She would only be annoyed if she wasn't attracted to you, or if you were pushy in approaching her. Ask, be cool, and take no for an answer if she's not interested. Don't give yourself excuses to not ask. And don't allow yourself to place any emotional weight on her response. Then repeat with the next woman. Good luck!

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