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Why do women like a man who takes charge?


jul-els

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Ok, I'm just playing devil's advocate here as a means to discussion, but I'm curious to hear people's answers on this. I know women will cite their reasons; it exudes confidence, confidence is attractive, etc.. But what I'm wondering, perhaps wrongly or rightly, does it also have anything-in however big or small a way-to do with being able to blame the man if something goes wrong? I'm interested to hear the replies. Ok, discuss.

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agree with lady vic ...nothing to do with blame ...

 

I can only speak for myself ..obviously ...but I am just perfectly happy been the little woman ..my alfie is the

first man who took "charge" with love and care and not control and abuse ..so I have spent a lifetime been the provider,

the organiser , the gaffer ....and you know what ....I was quite happy to sit back and let him take the reigns ..

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Yes, to me "take charge"= I care about you. When my husband learned to take charge over the last little while I was THRILLED. It mean't I was no longer a one woman show.Being everything and doing everything is exhausting. I did that long enough. Now he can take over and do it for a while. Now I feel he has my back.

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I feel wary whenever I see statements along the lines of "Men like..." or "Women want..." because it's a nonsense to assume that any sweeping statement can apply to an entire gender.

 

In ALL my relationships, I don't want either to control, or be controlled. This holds true for friendships as well as romantic relationships. I feel very uncomfortable around men who either want to be in charge - telling me what to do, how to do things I'm perfectly capable of doing on my own, all the rest... OR guys who want to sit back and be looked after in a way which is completely inappropriate for an adult.

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I don't want to be "controlled", or "control" anybody (both have problems in different ways) but it is nice to know that you have someone who can take charge of a situation when things get to be difficult. Now, I am perfectly capable of handling myself...I can live alone and take care of myself and my husband knows this. He knows that if I get hit on in a bar I can handle it without having him intervene or when something difficult takes place I can take care of it. But it's nice sometimes to know that he supports me, and that he would stand up for me if I needed him to. Nothing about wanting to have someone to blame.

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I feel wary whenever I see statements along the lines of "Men like..." or "Women want..." because it's a nonsense to assume that any sweeping statement can apply to an entire gender.

 

In ALL my relationships, I don't want either to control, or be controlled. This holds true for friendships as well as romantic relationships. I feel very uncomfortable around men who either want to be in charge - telling me what to do, how to do things I'm perfectly capable of doing on my own, all the rest... OR guys who want to sit back and be looked after in a way which is completely inappropriate for an adult.

 

Oh for me "take charge" has nothing to do with tell me what to do. Let me explain. This summer I decided where to go for the holiday. He made all the money for it and called all the hotels, he looked for everything, he drove....etc. In previous years I planned where but I also came up with the money, I called all the hotels. I was the emergency man etc. I was the "go to person" for everything. After 23 years of living like that I am exhausted. I was MORE THAN thrilled he took the reigns and wants to participate rather than just be along for the ride.

 

That is more what I meant.

 

I guess it depends on what "take charge" means to each person.

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Ok, I'm just playing devil's advocate here as a means to discussion, but I'm curious to hear people's answers on this. I know women will cite their reasons; it exudes confidence, confidence is attractive, etc.. But what I'm wondering, perhaps wrongly or rightly, does it also have anything-in however big or small a way-to do with being able to blame the man if something goes wrong? I'm interested to hear the replies. Ok, discuss.

 

So I can point at him and go "He did it!" if something goes wrong? haha No. I like a guy who can step up when circumstances warrant it. It means he's brave.

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I'll limit this to one specific scenario--dating.

 

From my own experience, you set yourself well apart from other men by taking control of making plans for a date. A lot of men are very meek and wishy washy when it comes to this and are too focused on approval-seeking behavior. "Well, uh, what would you like to do? What day works best for you? What time will you be ready to go out?" All of this means you're making the woman work just to set a date, instead of simply saying "I'll pick you up Friday at 7:00--have an appetite!"

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I'll limit this to one specific scenario--dating.

 

From my own experience, you set yourself well apart from other men by taking control of making plans for a date. A lot of men are very meek and wishy washy when it comes to this and are too focused on approval-seeking behavior. "Well, uh, what would you like to do? What day works best for you? What time will you be ready to go out?" All of this means you're making the woman work just to set a date, instead of simply saying "I'll pick you up Friday at 7:00--have an appetite!"

 

There we go! I want a man who is using his own brain, not renting mine.

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I don't want to be "controlled", or "control" anybody (both have problems in different ways) but it is nice to know that you have someone who can take charge of a situation when things get to be difficult. Now, I am perfectly capable of handling myself...I can live alone and take care of myself and my husband knows this. He knows that if I get hit on in a bar I can handle it without having him intervene or when something difficult takes place I can take care of it. But it's nice sometimes to know that he supports me, and that he would stand up for me if I needed him to. Nothing about wanting to have someone to blame.

 

This ^^^^ Exactly!

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Oh for me "take charge" has nothing to do with tell me what to do. Let me explain. This summer I decided where to go for the holiday. He made all the money for it and called all the hotels, he looked for everything, he drove....etc. In previous years I planned where but I also came up with the money, I called all the hotels. I was the emergency man etc. I was the "go to person" for everything. After 23 years of living like that I am exhausted. I was MORE THAN thrilled he took the reigns and wants to participate rather than just be along for the ride.

 

That is more what I meant.

 

I guess it depends on what "take charge" means to each person.

 

The crucial thing here is that you can BOTH step into the driving seat when necessary - that's exactly the sort of thing I mean. No fixed roles here, you both know that you can rely on the other. Sounds like my ideal... I live in hope...

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The crucial thing here is that you can BOTH step into the driving seat when necessary - that's exactly the sort of thing I mean. No fixed roles here, you both know that you can rely on the other. Sounds like my ideal... I live in hope...

 

AHAHA well it was a work in progress. It took him MANY MANY years to even want to seek a driving seat role. He was more than happy to let me have that role for 90% of our relationship. It SUCKED. Now he is taking a driving seat role and that makes him FAR more attractive at least to me.

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Speaking for myself: There are two dimensions to this. One is the practical one, and it has been addressed by other posters. When a man does the work of figuring out the details, it is a gift that can be given no other way. My brain relaxes, and I have the gift not of a meal or an activity, but of a mini-vacation, even if just for a few hours. For me, my own perpetual exhaustion emphasizes the value of this gift even more.

 

The second is the relationship-building that results: This only works if I can trust him to be reliable and responsible, and/or resourceful, and it creates a positive-response loop: every time he plans, I trust him more. Every time he plans, it shows his intent to see me. I feel valued, and I grow to trust the person who values me. So there is an attachment component that builds as a result of this very simple form of taking charge, as well.

 

Recently I noticed I trusted a man because "he would be sure that the hospital doctors took care of me properly, if I were ill." This was a most curious thought: I am not planning on being hospitalized anytime soon, God willing. What I had observed in him was that when he cared, he was dogged about getting results. I could rely on him to take charge in a crisis.

 

"Taking charge" is completely different from "controlling". If he wishes to take charge of how I look, who I see, what I say, and where I go, then I am out faster than a candle in a thunderstorm.

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Ok, I'm just playing devil's advocate here as a means to discussion, but I'm curious to hear people's answers on this. I know women will cite their reasons; it exudes confidence, confidence is attractive, etc.. But what I'm wondering, perhaps wrongly or rightly, does it also have anything-in however big or small a way-to do with being able to blame the man if something goes wrong? I'm interested to hear the replies. Ok, discuss.

 

Neither of those is it for me. I like a man who takes charge because I am a control freak, I need a man who isn't afraid to take charge and in respect to that not be afraid to stand up to me and my controlling ways.

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A lot of the things we find attractive don't really have much modern-day relevance. For example, you hear all the time that most women prefer taller guys, strong guys, etc. If we were still living in caves this might have a practical implication, but most of these features have very little practical application these days. At least in developed nations.

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Because my husband and I were in a long distance relationship to start, when we got engaged, we faced the task of planning a wedding with my on another continent. I lived in Canada and the wedding was set to be in Scotland (so his family could attend, since he was planning on moving to Canada).

 

He basically handled everything. Don't get me wrong, he ran ideas by me, but he called the town hall, figured out the details, called the venue that we had the reception at, made the reservations for dinner, got the kilt (the one you see in my picture) for him and his father, made sure his nieces had their bridesmaid dresses, etc. Got a photographer...

 

All I had to do when I arrived, was make an appointment to get my hair and makeup done, find some flowers and turn up on the day.

 

It was incredibly reassuring to know that not only could I count on him for something like that, but that he took it seriously and did a really good job. Our wedding was amazing and we are coming up on our 3rd anniversary. So yeah that's what it means to me.

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A lot of the things we find attractive don't really have much modern-day relevance. For example, you hear all the time that most women prefer taller guys, strong guys, etc. If we were still living in caves this might have a practical implication, but most of these features have very little practical application these days. At least in developed nations.

 

But nevertheless, we still find those traits attractive. Guess our brains haven't caught up from an evolutionary standpoint

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I'll limit this to one specific scenario--dating.

 

From my own experience, you set yourself well apart from other men by taking control of making plans for a date. A lot of men are very meek and wishy washy when it comes to this and are too focused on approval-seeking behavior. "Well, uh, what would you like to do? What day works best for you? What time will you be ready to go out?" All of this means you're making the woman work just to set a date, instead of simply saying "I'll pick you up Friday at 7:00--have an appetite!"

 

amen to that and meet you at 9

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Oh for me "take charge" has nothing to do with tell me what to do. Let me explain. This summer I decided where to go for the holiday. He made all the money for it and called all the hotels, he looked for everything, he drove....etc. In previous years I planned where but I also came up with the money, I called all the hotels. I was the emergency man etc. I was the "go to person" for everything. After 23 years of living like that I am exhausted. I was MORE THAN thrilled he took the reigns and wants to participate rather than just be along for the ride.

 

That is more what I meant.

 

I guess it depends on what "take charge" means to each person.

 

This is more of the context I was personally referring to although I'm interested to hear everyone's take on it on what it might mean to them. So in the context of the quote above, what I'm curious about is there an aspect to it such as if the plans go awry or don't turn out as expected in some way then you don't have to take responsibility for it. You can just tell yourself it's not your fault. I know that sounds silly, but I posed the question because I was wondering it there were any cases where it was true for anyone.

 

Doesn't necessarily have to be in that context though, all the different replies so far have been very interesting.

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