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  1. #1
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    Friends with benefits - Advantages and Disadvantages



    Hi,

    So I recently ended things with someone whom I was seeing because I was developeing feelings for him knowing he did not want a relationship (he told me from the start). After breaking it off, he admitted he had feelings for me to but is 25 and a footballer so obviously, he wants to remain single and enjoy his life, as we all do. I'm 19 and I fell for him quite hard after dating him for 6 months but we have remained friends by texting etc (every day). I am the only girl he has had a reltionship with and he always tells me how much he cares and values me and it was his idea to be friends - I was going to cut him off alltogether.

    Anyway, It's been a while and I told him I'm over him and it was just a crush and no biggy. The conversation somehow got on to the topic of sex and he has asked me to be a FWB. I have never done this before and although it sounds great - Male company, sex, and still have freedom - Ive been told it can end badly.

    I do not have feelings for him anymore as I realise me and him would not be suitable as a couple but we are great friends and have so much laughs and are sexually attracted to each other. I've been told I can be very niave, so I would like to know from your personal experiences and advantages and disadvantages?
    Thanks

  2. #2
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    1. You only get to see him when it suits him.

    2. He ends up making all the rules.

    3. It's extremely hard to walk away from.

    4. You will have to put up with other girls being on the scene/him sleeping with others

    Sorry, couldn't think of any advantages.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member markie6's Avatar
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    There are only advantages if you can remain emotionally unavailable as most are who participate in FWB ... sadly most seem to think it's a pathway to somebodies heart... and it very rarely is... it's a polite way of people using each other
    Donít you dare remember me the moment I start forgetting you.

    If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will

    It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black

  4. #4
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    1. You can't complain when he does not text/call/email or facebook you.

    2. He uses your body for really his own sexual gratification, instead of respecting your body as a temple.

    3. Your friends will get sick and tired of you moaning about him.

    That's all for now, I'll think of more soon.

  5. #5
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    Thank you Dylan, I liked your replies, very honest and humerous and your probably right as I could see it going that way. I guess I would be settling for less even though it would be a short time thing.

  6. #6
    Platinum Member Bunney's Avatar
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    DylanNotorious, those only apply if she had serious feelings for him and was hoping for a relationship (which ofc might end up being the case, but for now she said it isn't). So, no need to be that negative and pessimistic.

    Personally I'd say go for it. What've you got to lose? you can try and see how it goes, I mean life's short. With all the pessimism on this forum I sometimes wonder if these people ever have fun in their lives.

    Haha and please, "respecting her body as a temple". Sex is sex. Everytime it happens, the body IS used for "sexual gratification", no matter if male or female. Only difference is that it's without a commitment. He might very well still respect her, seeing as they've been friends for a while and he, as he says, values her a lot.

  7. #7
    Platinum Member MikNomis's Avatar
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    You'll be a booty call, are you okay with that?

  8. #8
    Silver Member paradisa's Avatar
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    I read the post you made a week ago, October 16. I don't think this is a good idea. There is a lot of drama already in this situation and even if you feel that you are over him right at this moment, that feeling may not last. I advise you move on and seek someone more worthy of your attention and affection. Good luck.

  9. #9
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by paradisa View Post
    I read the post you made a week ago, October 16. I don't think this is a good idea. There is a lot of drama already in this situation and even if you feel that you are over him right at this moment, that feeling may not last. I advise you move on and seek someone more worthy of your attention and affection. Good luck.
    I want to piggy back on this.

    OP, you said back on that thread you were 20... here you say 19?

    Some important details mentioned from that previous thread that REALLY stand out:
    has had a lot of one night stands.
    He even made the agreement that we both wouldnt go elsewhere (sleeping with other people or dating)
    I questioned him on this last night and all I got was 'I know you deserve better than me, I'm always letting you down.'
    So he slept around... plans on doing so... and expects you to not date or sleep with other people? Sounds like he wants to keep you to himself and can justify sleeping with the next girl is "ok" because he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Plus he has zero self confidence and pushes you away. Sounds like he plans to take you on one hell of an emotional rollercoaster ride.

    Yea... don't agree to the "friends with benefits" (the polite euphemisum for "Booty Call") with this one. He doesn't have a clue what he wants and neither do you. Plus he wants to suck you into his drama. And since you already had developed feelings for him before... and you think they're gone... they will come back. I guarantee it.

    Let him go.
    Last edited by Snny; 10-23-2012 at 05:40 PM.
    No relationship is ever a waste of time. If it didn't bring you what you want, it taught you what you DON'T want.

    Give but do not allow yourself to be used. Love but do not allow your heart to be abused. Trust but don't be naive. Listen to others, but don't lose your own voice.

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