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Why do guys dump girls then come back?


Immissme

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I dated a guy #1 for a few weeks about 5 months ago while he was in my town for a vacation. We live about 8 hours apart from each other. He asked me to be his gf but he broke it off because he wasnt sure if he could come see me as much. I let him go. I didn't chase him or anything. I respected his decision and I moved on with my life. Since last month, I've been getting text messages from him. I usually just ignore his messages. He sent me a FB message yesterday and I decided to send a message back. He said he wanted to see me again and hopefully build a relationship with me and hes hoping I'm still single and not dating or seeing anyone. I never had sex with him. I wonder why guys come back after they dump a girl? This is not the first time that it happened to me. Three years ago, I was dating another guy #2 who just decided that we should stop seeing each other because he was busy with school. I let him go, then 6 months later he came back wanting to have a relationship. Until now, he's still pursuing me and asking me to be to his gf. Why guys leave then come back wanting more? Just curious. Any opinions about giving them a second chance? Thanks.

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Easy, they feel they made a mistake when they dumped you. Could be for almost any reason, many of which have nothing to do with you. Personally, I would not give a second chance and never have. If you're not sure you want to be with me, that's all I need to know for me to be sure I don't want to be with you.

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I don't know much about this kind of thing, but I think he either was:

A. testing you to see if you'd get upset when he dumped you;

B. checking to see what other options he had, then came back to you when he didn't have any;

C. honestly changing his mind and wants to date you and work harder at seeing you;

D. wanting to get laid, and is lying about his feelings in the hopes that you'll sleep with him.

 

I think option B or C is most likely, since he left for a lot of time. That meant he had lots of time to think about it, and change his mind. Since you don't know him that well (your time apart was longer than the time period you dated him), I'm thinking that he was most likely scoping the options he had in other girls, and got rejected, or decided you were better.

 

I might give him a second chance, but be very wary about him. Probably take things slow to make sure he wouldn't just run away in case someone better came along. (I mean no offence to you, of course) If he started to get distant after I told him I wanted to take things slow, then I would probably think he was not genuine. He seems kind of flaky, so I would have a lot of trouble trusting him.

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Depends why they leave. In this case...you went on a few dates and he was probably attracted to you yet the idea of an 8 hour time difference LDR was obviously not something he wanted.

 

Maybe he had a change of heart about the LDR. Maybe he just wants to get laid and has no opportunities where he lives.. The maybe's can go on and on.

 

The way I see it, you never really started a relationship anyway. You went on a couple dates while he was in town. He didn't think he could START a relationship with you. Now he is...it's up to you if you want a LDR with someone who you may only see once every few months.

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It's bc you LET THEM GO AND MOVED ON WITH YOUR LIFE. A lot of people who get dumped here tend to hold onto the dead relationship, pining away, begging, making themselves really available etc. However, with you, it seems as if you seem to take a hard line approach to being dumped ( " He dumped me, so I will leave and disappear " ). Good move bc it seems to have worked in your favour in the end.

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It's bc you LET THEM GO AND MOVED ON WITH YOUR LIFE. A lot of people who get dumped here tend to hold onto the dead relationship, pining away, begging, making themselves really available etc. However, with you, it seems as if you seem to take a hard line approach to being dumped ( " He dumped me, so I will leave and disappear " ). Good move bc it seems to have worked in your favour in the end.

 

I don't like chasing and begging. I don't even like initiating text to a guy even I know he's interested. When I get dumped, I focus on moving on. It's not the best feeling in the world but it's something I gotta do right? The person doesn't want to be with me and I have no choice but to accept that.

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I don't like chasing and begging. I don't even like initiating text to a guy even I know he's interested. When I get dumped, I focus on moving on. It's not the best feeling in the world but it's something I gotta do right? The person doesn't want to be with me and I have no choice but to accept that.

 

Exactly, no point in carrying dead weight, it only holds you back

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I think there are lots of different reasons as to why guys do this. If you're not a forgive and forget kind of person, good for you! Every partner I've had has always come back after dumping me, and for different reasons and in different periods of time (a year, two months, and ten years--not kidding!), and only for the short duration one did I actually agree to take him back. My feelings in the other two situations had waned and there wasn't really anything I could do about that.

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I think there are lots of different reasons as to why guys do this. If you're not a forgive and forget kind of person, good for you! Every partner I've had has always come back after dumping me, and for different reasons and in different periods of time (a year, two months, and ten years--not kidding!), and only for the short duration one did I actually agree to take him back. My feelings in the other two situations had waned and there wasn't really anything I could do about that.

 

Exactly. My feelings for guy#2 had waned and I tried to explain that to him but he wouldn't believe me. I used to have a strong feelings for him. He said that I'm just scared to try again but he wouldn't stop till hes able to prove to me his intentions are real this time. He's been trying for three years.

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I think when you act like you've forgotten them, instead of begging, it makes you seem more attractive for some reason. Like if you leave them alone, they start realizing they miss you, and wondering what you're up to, and they want basically what they can't have or what they said they didn't want in the past. Whereas if the girl clings and begs it makes her look unattractive. Btw, when this ahppened to me it was usually with a guy who lived far away who I think didn't have any options where he lived so he came back since I'd been ignoring him. It also never worked out the second time around, or even the third time around for one guy (I was stupid for even trying).. I just got dumped again in a jerky manner.

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I don't like chasing and begging. I don't even like initiating text to a guy even I know he's interested. When I get dumped, I focus on moving on. It's not the best feeling in the world but it's something I gotta do right? The person doesn't want to be with me and I have no choice but to accept that.

 

They may want to be with you but can't at that moment in time. People change, circumstances change. There are poor reasons for wanting someone back, and there are legitimate reasons. No one is perfect, and no situation is exactly the same. There is not answer to your question. It is too broad and really just a statement about the other gender masquerading as a question.l

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I've experienced this a few times myself, sometimes they come back years later!! crazy. One wanted to try again (and get married!!!) after he realized how good a gf I was to him and that he made a mistake in letting me go. Well, I was no longer interested by the time he came back - he caused me too much pain, didn't treat me very well, and I wasn't willing to reopen old wounds. I think sometimes they might think that the grass is greener elsewhere and then discover that it isn't. Others I think were just bored and looking for fun/sex and didn't have other options. I had one that always came back whenever he found out I was moving on and dating someone new.

 

I think you should just ask him: what has changed? why does he think that the relationship will work this time around? If he can't answer those questions to your satisfaction, then don't bother with him.

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I've experienced this a few times myself, sometimes they come back years later!! crazy. One wanted to try again (and get married!!!) after he realized how good a gf I was to him and that he made a mistake in letting me go. Well, I was no longer interested by the time he came back - he caused me too much pain, didn't treat me very well, and I wasn't willing to reopen old wounds. I think sometimes they might think that the grass is greener elsewhere and then discover that it isn't. Others I think were just bored and looking for fun/sex and didn't have other options. I had one that always came back whenever he found out I was moving on and dating someone new.

 

I think you should just ask him: what has changed? why does he think that the relationship will work this time around? If he can't answer those questions to your satisfaction, then don't bother with him.

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