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Thread: Why do guys dump girls then come back?

  1. #1
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    Why do guys dump girls then come back?

    I dated a guy #1 for a few weeks about 5 months ago while he was in my town for a vacation. We live about 8 hours apart from each other. He asked me to be his gf but he broke it off because he wasnt sure if he could come see me as much. I let him go. I didn't chase him or anything. I respected his decision and I moved on with my life. Since last month, I've been getting text messages from him. I usually just ignore his messages. He sent me a FB message yesterday and I decided to send a message back. He said he wanted to see me again and hopefully build a relationship with me and hes hoping I'm still single and not dating or seeing anyone. I never had sex with him. I wonder why guys come back after they dump a girl? This is not the first time that it happened to me. Three years ago, I was dating another guy #2 who just decided that we should stop seeing each other because he was busy with school. I let him go, then 6 months later he came back wanting to have a relationship. Until now, he's still pursuing me and asking me to be to his gf. Why guys leave then come back wanting more? Just curious. Any opinions about giving them a second chance? Thanks.
    Last edited by Immissme; 08-29-2012 at 07:25 PM.

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    Easy, they feel they made a mistake when they dumped you. Could be for almost any reason, many of which have nothing to do with you. Personally, I would not give a second chance and never have. If you're not sure you want to be with me, that's all I need to know for me to be sure I don't want to be with you.

  3. #3
    Member Maia5's Avatar
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    I don't know much about this kind of thing, but I think he either was:
    A. testing you to see if you'd get upset when he dumped you;
    B. checking to see what other options he had, then came back to you when he didn't have any;
    C. honestly changing his mind and wants to date you and work harder at seeing you;
    D. wanting to get laid, and is lying about his feelings in the hopes that you'll sleep with him.

    I think option B or C is most likely, since he left for a lot of time. That meant he had lots of time to think about it, and change his mind. Since you don't know him that well (your time apart was longer than the time period you dated him), I'm thinking that he was most likely scoping the options he had in other girls, and got rejected, or decided you were better.

    I might give him a second chance, but be very wary about him. Probably take things slow to make sure he wouldn't just run away in case someone better came along. (I mean no offence to you, of course) If he started to get distant after I told him I wanted to take things slow, then I would probably think he was not genuine. He seems kind of flaky, so I would have a lot of trouble trusting him.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member LDRohnos's Avatar
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    Depends why they leave. In this case...you went on a few dates and he was probably attracted to you yet the idea of an 8 hour time difference LDR was obviously not something he wanted.

    Maybe he had a change of heart about the LDR. Maybe he just wants to get laid and has no opportunities where he lives.. The maybe's can go on and on.

    The way I see it, you never really started a relationship anyway. You went on a couple dates while he was in town. He didn't think he could START a relationship with you. Now he is...it's up to you if you want a LDR with someone who you may only see once every few months.
    "I am one of those Melodramatic fools, Neurotic to the bone. No doubt about it."

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  6. #5
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    It's bc you LET THEM GO AND MOVED ON WITH YOUR LIFE. A lot of people who get dumped here tend to hold onto the dead relationship, pining away, begging, making themselves really available etc. However, with you, it seems as if you seem to take a hard line approach to being dumped ( " He dumped me, so I will leave and disappear " ). Good move bc it seems to have worked in your favour in the end.

  7. #6
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    Same reasons girls do.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Minx2012 View Post
    It's bc you LET THEM GO AND MOVED ON WITH YOUR LIFE. A lot of people who get dumped here tend to hold onto the dead relationship, pining away, begging, making themselves really available etc. However, with you, it seems as if you seem to take a hard line approach to being dumped ( " He dumped me, so I will leave and disappear " ). Good move bc it seems to have worked in your favour in the end.
    I don't like chasing and begging. I don't even like initiating text to a guy even I know he's interested. When I get dumped, I focus on moving on. It's not the best feeling in the world but it's something I gotta do right? The person doesn't want to be with me and I have no choice but to accept that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Immissme View Post
    I don't like chasing and begging. I don't even like initiating text to a guy even I know he's interested. When I get dumped, I focus on moving on. It's not the best feeling in the world but it's something I gotta do right? The person doesn't want to be with me and I have no choice but to accept that.
    Exactly, no point in carrying dead weight, it only holds you back

  10. #9
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    I think there are lots of different reasons as to why guys do this. If you're not a forgive and forget kind of person, good for you! Every partner I've had has always come back after dumping me, and for different reasons and in different periods of time (a year, two months, and ten years--not kidding!), and only for the short duration one did I actually agree to take him back. My feelings in the other two situations had waned and there wasn't really anything I could do about that.

  11. #10
    Silver Member Coily's Avatar
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    It is a matter of the grass is greener syndrome, and you dodged a huge bullet by not encouraging him.

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