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  1. #1
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    When a guy invites you to his place

    This will sound silly or stupid to most people but I usually have difficulty guessing what it means when a guy (who I'm not dating yet) asks me if I want to come over to his place. Does he most likely have sex in mind?

    With my most recent ex, nothing happened the first time I went to his place (not even kissing). But some guys seem to think agreeing to go to his place = agreeing to have sex.

    Would it be insulting if I went to his place and didn't let him touch me? Should I never say yes if I'm not ready to have sex with him? If so, what's a good way to turn his offer down gently when he asks if I want to watch a movie or do whatever at his place?

    Thanks.

  2. #2
    Member Blacklisted's Avatar
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    Could you give a little bit more information? Like age and how you know the person and for how long? Because it depends. I don't think that they usually mean sex the first time unless they are picking you up from a club or something and try to bring you back,

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Deejmonster's Avatar
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    In my experience it could go either way. You say you know this guy, but you aren't dating... is he a casual friend? or just someone you met? If you don't want to have sex with him or are a little uncomfortable with the fact that something might happen you need to just be honest with him and tell him that you aren't ok or ready for anything like that to happen. If he can't respect that, then you found out early enough to just steer clear. Usually when I bring a girl over for the first time, I know in the back of my mind that sex could happen, but its never a motivator to bring a girl to my place... with that said, I usually wait the first time out.
    When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member PaintWithLight's Avatar
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    Make him take you OUT. There is nothing to be gained by being the girl of convenience that comes over and hangs out.

  5. #5
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    I think the guy's usually hoping something physical will happen. If not sex, then kissing or fooling around. But saying you'll go over doesn't 'contract' you to having sex with him. He can't say "but you said you would come over, so that means you're obligated to have sex with me." You're never obligated to do anything whether at someone's place or not. If you're really suspicious, get him to meet you in a public place.

  6. #6
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    omg i went over to my friends house that i knew from a friend i met online and nothing happened the first time as i was shy and didnt talk much then the second something happened and we made out everytime i was over so then i was like thats it. If you only want some and won't take me out on a real date then i'm not gonna talk or hang out with you. I still talk to him once in awhile. But i rather avoid him. Anyways now, I went over to my friends house last week that I met only last month. Well i knew him before that. He knows my friends and stuff and he knows my brother and he knows him.

    Now, he would occassionally ask me to hang out with his frineds and i reject since I have a boyfriend. But now i'm thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend due to our differences. So last week i hung out with him and his friend and watched a movie and then he invited me to his house. he's a sweet guy and people on the forums said he likes me. BUt he has not tried anything yet but of course most guy would love to start something. He invited me a second time and I didn't go because I don't want to repeat what happebed with my friend. But i don't think he would do anything because my brother will beat him up. So thursday we hung out and watched a movie with his friends . Sweet guy though. You have to kind of tell what kind of guy he is. If he invites you to his house all of a sudden and doesnt ask you to hang out with him or his friends.. Then he's hiding something.. Don't be stupid like me... dont be naive either...

  7. #7
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    Thank you everyone for responding! I actually meant to ask what men generally expect when a girl agrees to come over to his place. I mean, I don't want to be too suspicious but do guys really mean it when they say they just want to watch a movie at him place? I sort of take it as a modus operandi, and I get slightly nervous no matter how casually he asks.

    But the scenario I'm facing right now is something like this: We met online (not on a dating site though) four months ago and after a month of chatting, we decided to meet up. Neither of us was interested in being more than friends but we kept writing to each other and met up for dinner a couple of times. Then he left for a two month business trip during which he has kept writing to me daily. Anyway, it turns out we like each other a lot, although we both want to take things slow. We have planned things we want to do when he comes back, and it includes things that might require me going to his place.

    I know I know, he hasn't asked yet, but I hate the suspicious feelings I get whenever a guy asks me to come over. And I hate it when I have to sit and wonder when he's going to "start it", or whether he's thinking about it. How do I relax?

    I may not have to experience any of these feelings with this guy I'm talking about, since he seems really slow with girls despite the fact that he's in his early thirties (I'm in my mid twenties). But I guess I still wanted someone to assure me that men aren't necessarily thinking about getting physical when a girl is over.

    By the way, I'm moving a few weeks after he comes back from his trip and we're both busy so we have minimum time together. Neither of us finds the distance a problem if we do start dating, and he says he'll visit me, but would an average guy hope to have some kind of physical activity before the relationship becomes long distance?

    It seems like he's not an average guy so this question might be nonsense, but I wanted to ask anyway.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by orange1234 View Post
    Thank you everyone for responding! I actually meant to ask what men generally expect when a girl agrees to come over to his place. I mean, I don't want to be too suspicious but do guys really mean it when they say they just want to watch a movie at him place? I sort of take it as a modus operandi, and I get slightly nervous no matter how casually he asks.

    But the scenario I'm facing right now is something like this: We met online (not on a dating site though) four months ago and after a month of chatting, we decided to meet up. Neither of us was interested in being more than friends but we kept writing to each other and met up for dinner a couple of times. Then he left for a two month business trip during which he has kept writing to me daily. Anyway, it turns out we like each other a lot, although we both want to take things slow. We have planned things we want to do when he comes back, and it includes things that might require me going to his place.

    I know I know, he hasn't asked yet, but I hate the suspicious feelings I get whenever a guy asks me to come over. And I hate it when I have to sit and wonder when he's going to "start it", or whether he's thinking about it. How do I relax?

    I may not have to experience any of these feelings with this guy I'm talking about, since he seems really slow with girls despite the fact that he's in his early thirties (I'm in my mid twenties). But I guess I still wanted someone to assure me that men aren't necessarily thinking about getting physical when a girl is over.

    By the way, I'm moving a few weeks after he comes back from his trip and we're both busy so we have minimum time together. Neither of us finds the distance a problem if we do start dating, and he says he'll visit me, but would an average guy hope to have some kind of physical activity before the relationship becomes long distance?

    It seems like he's not an average guy so this question might be nonsense, but I wanted to ask anyway.
    Honestly, I think they always ARE thinking about something physical, but it's not necessarily sex. I don't think most guys want to force you to do anything, but having you come over to JUST watch a movie is not their IDEAL goal. Even if you're sitting two feet apart on the couch, if they're attracted to you, they're probably THINKING about kissing you even if they don't end up trying. Since this guy moves slow I think he might be hoping for a kiss, but not thinking that much about sex at this stage. If you want to send the message though that you're not 'open for business' lol, don't get touchy feely and make sure you keep your personal space, like sit a few feet from him or even on another piece of furniture.

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