MEN: do you really get scared and bail when a girl is too perfect for you???

My recent experience with a boy liking me oh so much and suddenly dissapearing had most of my friends saying: he probably got scared...

So I wanted to verify this insane to me theory that guys apparently "get scared" when things go smooth and the girl is "too great".

Any of you ever did that?

Ever consider they don't really want a 'nice' girl? I know it goes against logic but there are guys out there who are jerks, and they know it, and they seek out a more aggressive type of girl because the 'nice' girls don't provide enough of a thrill/challenge for them.

I never said "nice"

Hah...touche.

Yeah, I do. I havnt bailed yet, but theres been many times in the past year Ive thought how I would get out of it, or tried in fact to get out of it. Luckily I did explain all this, why I can get like that etc to her at the start when we first start seeing each other, so she knew what to expect. And to her credit shes persistent, most wouldnt have made it this far with me. Im glad I made it this site before I made any final decisions, after reading through a lot of threads here, Im glad I didnt jump into a stupid decision.

I have a lot of other issues and stuff to deal with too, so I cant just say its down to her being the perfect woman for me. I will say though that, while I was in the final months of my last relationship (long story) I was dreaming of being with a girl like this, when she came along thats when the trouble started for me. About 6 months in when it was going really well and the love word popped up, thats when my head went into a spin, and its been in a spin till 2 weeks ago.

Personally, I'd never bail on a girl that I thought was "too good to be true"... that'd be stupid in my opinion. I guess some other guys might though if they lack self-confidence and feel that they don't have what it takes to keep you attracted, so they bail before risking rejection.

However, this could be completely irrelevant if the guy you're talking about didn't truly like you as much as you thought, because then he wouldn't have been scared, he just wasn't that interested.

thanx @trickykid, I thought it was a myth!

I have always thought this was nuts too, but i have had guys do this to me as well. I know because i would find out in a round-about-way (months later accidentally from friends, like i wasn't supposed to know...) and it would always be because the guys were scared of the fact that i had my s*** together and was someone that expected a decent relationship.

I used to get down about it, until i talked to a guy friend and he said to me that I wouldn't want to date a guy that is scared of me anyway, and it is more a reflection of them than me, they would never be able to handle me because they are too insecure and immature and not in the same place in there own lives and that by rejecting themselves they were doing me a favor.

So, don't worry about it, i'm sure you liked the guy and are probably really dissapointed, but now that this guy withdraw himself from the running to become your next boyfriend, the door is open for someone who deserves to be with you!

Would you throw away your dream car for a POS? Your dream job, your dream home, your dream anything stating that you got scared? Doesn't make sense what so ever. Assuming that a person is a sane sensible self confident adult looking for a meaningful relationship, it makes no sense when you apply the too scared theory either. Human beings are ridiculous selfish, when we want something we will not let it go.

So either they lied to spare your feelings or the are not a sane sensible self confident adult looking for a meaningful relationship.

ps. I've broken a few girls heart with that line before: "You're just too good for me and I feel that there is someone else out there more suited to you."

Haha no obviously I'd never believe this line from a guy!

That was just my friends analytics of what happened and I was thinking: what a ball of crap

See the thing is I can only speak from my own situation, which isnt a pretty picture, so cant really say if its true for everyone. Maybe some do use it as an excuse, I know I dont need excuses, I know my own reality. Its easy for us all to have an opinion on it but you never do know whats going on in other peoples lives, their situations and backgrounds.

But I did have enough respect for this girl to sit her down and talk to her about it

Men (and women) leave when they lose attraction. Why on earth would someone leave a good thing?

Your friends are sayin things to make you feel better. Cliches. Hollywood junk.

Oh YEAH, we all try to make ourselves feel better by buying into this crap. "I was so full of awesomesauce that he felt unworthy of me, like I should be lying upon some chariot while I'm being fed grapes and fanned by an Adonis"

Aside from the scenario of someone going through some serious self-worth issues and they're simply just NOT able to be present in a relationship, I'm inclined to call it BS.

LMAO @Cheetarah and duh.

A lot of people who come on very strong, very quickly, disappear just as fast. They are people to stay away from honestly. I don't necessarily think you are too perfect for him, rather he's not in a place to have a real relationship.

I suggest the book, "He's Just Not That Into You". It covers this, women tend to make all kinds of rationalizations for why a man/men dump them/disappear.

If he disappeared it's really no more complicated the he just wasn't that into you.

My recent experience with a boy liking me oh so much and suddenly dissapearing had most of my friends saying: he probably got scared...

So I wanted to verify this insane to me theory that guys apparently "get scared" when things go smooth and the girl is "too great".

 

Any of you ever did that?

Not every guy wants a nice girl, believe it or not. Some men actually want the drama and rocky foundation of an up and down relationship. It creates fun and excitement to them. Most importantly, there's always work to do. Someone who is perfect and has their ducks lined in a row cannot provide that kind of thrilling excitement. Some people just need to have something in their hands that they can try to fix. That natural tendency to position themselves at the bottom of the apple tree. They never try to eat any of the fruit that's higher up, they settle for what's on the bottom.

to my mind something that could produce that impression, is if a guy has no intention of committing to begin with and then things go a lot more smoothly then he expects and it looks like he's about to be in a more serious situation than he wanted. To the girl this might look like things are going great, but that is precisely the problem if the guy isn't looking for it to go anywhere

I guess it is possible if the past has been riddled with relationships with bad endings, causing a fear of severe heartache if by some reason it happens with the woman they consider perfect.

The guy has enough of a conscience to realize that his loved one can do better and steps down.

A selfish jerk like myself will hold on to her and never let her go because I would consider myself lucky to find such a catch so consider yourself lucky?

All women are too good for me. Thats why I avoid them.

I have felt like i wanted to break up with someone if they come accross as someone too perfect for me, only because i felt the disappointment would be too much if they werent who they said they were. My current gf isnt perfect, but she is a lot like me, and i cant help but keep looking for faults so i can either have a reason to leave, or a reason for strength to move on from her when i look back -if SHE were the one to leave. But, i never left them, I am not stupid- its what i wanted, i just had to shut off the fear and march on like a trooper. Personally, i wouldnt buy the "too good for him and he got scared" belief.

All relationships regardless of their participants, there will be problems. There will be stresses and there will be things that need to be discussed and address. Concerned? Think something might be wrong because the relationship seems so perfect? Wait a while.... because there's always something, some things you just haven't yet discovered. But don't focus so hardly on everything that's wrong with a person, focus on the good things also. You'll have problems along the way, but that's less that you have to worry about. So be sure to give someone a chance to succeed as well, that is if you want them to. Sometimes a person just cannot win because one individual is rigged with so many insecurities haunted by troubled relationships and one and one experiences. And it's not that we should be looking for anything that's perfect, but we also shouldn't be looking for anyone that's damaged either. Because perfect, we know we will not find. Damaged we do not want. Stay in the middle.

There is no such thing as too perfect. The flaws will come out some way or another. If men do bail because they think that then it's a cop out and they're a coward.