Help... I have feelings for my neighbor but not sure if he likes me?

This might get long and I'm sorry. I really need some advice, even though I am 30, I am so new to the dating world... and bad at picking up signals. So thanks in advance.

Ok... so next week the guy I like turns 50. I have 0 issues with this. I have no idea if he does. We have been talking about 3 months now and its sometimes every week or every two. I am taking everyone's advice and "taking it slow" and also trying to give space and privacy to not come off a crazy weirdo neighbor. I can't stop thinking about him. He initated the chat 3 months ago. Over the fence because he saw one of my dogs jumping up and wanted to pet him. Anyway that first chat, he introduced himself, I told him my name and all the dogs names. He then told me alot of "personal" things about his grandma who just got put in a home and his mom who is ill and he had just moved in with to care for. So I told him about my brother who is disabled. We had a instant bond of dogs and understanding of having to live with family to care for them. The next time we saw each other, he had remembered my name and all the dogs. We started our chats very "neighborly" that they were short and about random things, and here and there. We had 1 hour long chat within the first week of talking. Since the end of May, things got more "confusing" for me. I started to read on sites about "does he like you" and "he's just not that into you" trying to figure out what was going on. Well, there is like 0 signs of not into me. There is a few on the other. At the end of May, he introduced me to his mom, now this could be neighborly, sure... but when we talked for a hour that 1 time he told me that she was sick and did not like company who wasnt family and she didn't come talk to people she didn't know. He never brought friends over because of this. Yet... he introduced us with a big smile on his face and even got her to pet my dog, which he had told me before, she wasn't a big dog person. Then it progressed to the point where he says "you can come by anytime" and he means it. I have gone a few times and we talk alot when he comes outside and he tells me everytime I come, his mom gets so excited and runs to get him and follows him to the door. He says "you would think she wanted to show me a metor shower" and we get along fantastically. His mom now always says hi and waves at me. At the end of June, I was visiting him and we sat in the grass with my dog and talked for an hour, and he showed me the inside of his car, because he wanted to help me find a good dog car and showed me how spacious it was. I have only ever talked to him WITH dogs around.... because its usually when I am out walking the dogs or if I stop by I bring them because he has no pets of his own and just lights up. Other than when we chat over the fence... which they may be in the yard but not with me. So I have always though "maybe he is just being nice because he likes my dogs" but I'll tell you a few things that make me wonder... if its overly friendly or something more... ?

-- He only talks to 1 other couple in the neighborhood and he knows I live with family but has never talked to them, he only talks to me. When he talks with his other friends, he goes to their yard, he allows me to come to his.

--This neighbor couple he is buddies with has NEVER spoken to me or may family in like 15 years due to a issue long ago... and just randomly now... he (the man in the couple) will talk to me when I am out walking the dog. Its very quick, just a random hows things or something but it makes me think, the guy I like is talking to him about me.

-- He always smiles and gives me eye contact... its hard to say if he is just being polite though. Although he teases me sometimes too and laughs at my jokes

-- He will "show off" sometimes when he is telling me stories about t-ball games he went to and stuff by re-enacting them. One time he ate a dog treat too just to make me laugh.

-- He always smiles and waves at me and usually says Hi and my name... but this could just be neighborly...

-- He initiates quite a bit of the chats. Granted, he wants to pet the dogs but its not like he pets them the entire time

-- He is often close to me... I have no idea how close he is with others in general but when he talks to me, I can easily touch him. We either sit next to each other, stand almost shoulder touching or he will kneel in front of me and look up when I stand and then stand up eventually.

-- He remembers things, alot. Like I told him back in April how my disabled brother was job hunting and just last week, for the first time since, he says "has your brother found a job yet?"

-- He tries to relate to me, we have a ton in common but he always finds things to tell me about that he knows will interest me

-- He talks to me alot about his family and childhood. He told me all about his dad's death and he always talks about how bad his mom is getting and the hardships with his grandma in the home etc...

-- He will always tell me things like the DATE of his surgery (he had one in june) and where it was at, or where and when the baseball games are he goes to, he will tell me things like, on saturday I am going to... and give details about it.

--He lets me see his hand. He had surgery on his hand and anytime i ask he will let me see it, he told me in great detail all about the surgery

--He has a "lady friend" but when I inquired more about her, he told me TWO times they are not dating, just friends. They went to coffee once and he jokingly called it a date but thats it although she does text him

Then there is things like he never touches me, buys me things or always wants to be around and they are supposedly big signs a guy likes you.... so I have no idea. I don't wanna tell him how I feel if there is no chance at all he likes me if he seems clearly to be just a nice neighbor, that will make him scared to live near me for sure.

So do you think any of this is maybe something he is into me or just being nice? Most people who just like my dogs talk to me briefly and pet the dogs and thats that, no one spends this much time with me. Now granted he isn't working now and is always home because of his mom but still...

Also, his birthday is next week, I wanted to ask him if he wanted to get ice cream and I'd buy. He said he had no plans for his birthday. So I wanted to do something nice... or does this seem too creepy?

I am so sure this guy is my "perfect match" but not so sure he will ever want to be. Any advice is welcome. Thanks.

**two notes. We are NOT stuck in these homes long term. I am moving in the fall and he in the spring. Also.. i am completely ok being friends but I am not sure he even sees me as that... ??*

Be careful. Introducing you to mom, sharing personal info when he introduced himself are things people do when they meet a new friend or neighbor. He may or may not like you more than neighborly, but I would urge you to expand your horizons by going to speed dating, joining clubs based on your interests so you are exposed to more men. I would see if there is a dog play group or hiking club or meetup group for people who have the type of dog you have (size range or breed). Sometimes when you have only one to choose from, we fixate. Do that for awhile and if you are new to dating = get some experience with going out with different guys on casual/innocent dates at first. Stop reading "signs that he is into you" and stuff like that.

If you do spread your wings, you will have the experience to know if he really is interested, and you won't be cutting your teeth and making your mistakes on someone you really like. The first couple of guys i went out with I crashed and burned and learned from my mistakes big time and by the time I was ready to date my match, i had different things out of my system and I wasn't obsessive or hanging everything on us being a match.

Also, things can get very sticky if dating goes south with a neighbor.

You also could be seen as a "safe" woman - you are a neighbor, may/may not be his type, are a bit younger, also, too.

I think he is too close to home and you are too inexperienced to navigate this situation. I think you need to actively seek out an opportunity and not wait for one to fall into your lap. If things get awkward there is not way to avoid each other. I would continue to keep it breezy for a very very long time and see what happens. The fact that you are looking for signals makes it seem like you want this to happen. You need to think about whether it is a good idea instead.

Well no neighbor has ever done either of those with me and yes I know about the downside but neither of us intend to stick in our homes very long, we are not the home owners... I am moving in the fall and he will move in the spring. I don't want anyone, I was content being alone... but now I like him. I would never push it though, if he had no interest in me. So its obvious you think he doesn't. Thats all I needed to know, thanks

Also have been on a few casual dates. Have had plenty of guys in my life over the years but never get out of the friendzone. So thats why I just accepted my fate as single for life before I met him.

I think he is too close to home and you are too inexperienced to navigate this situation. I think you need to actively seek out an opportunity and not wait for one to fall into your lap. If things get awkward there is not way to avoid each other. I would continue to keep it breezy for a very very long time and see what happens. The fact that you are looking for signals makes it seem like you want this to happen. You need to think about whether it is a good idea instead.

I may be inexperienced in this but how does one ever get any? Everyone has to start somewhere. I am mature for my age, having to grow up fast to take care of my brother years and years ago has made me feel much older than I am. I am more comfortable around people older than me. I relate to them more, and yes, if he likes me, its a good idea. I am not the kind of person to push it or rush it, I'd take it slow. I just wanted to know if he had interest in me at all which it seems like a overwhelming no from this post so far, so thanks

I may be inexperienced in this but how does one ever get any? Everyone has to start somewhere. I am mature for my age, having to grow up fast to take care of my brother years and years ago has made me feel much older than I am. I am more comfortable around people older than me. I relate to them more, and yes, if he likes me, its a good idea. I am not the kind of person to push it or rush it, I'd take it slow. I just wanted to know if he had interest in me at all which it seems like a overwhelming no from this post so far, so thanks

Okay if you are not permanent in the neighborhood, then treat it like a summer romance. Let him know that you are interested. Plain and simple. I think people were just concerned with your approach of reading the signals which is so impossible sometimes. If you want to know, then go for it. I think we need to know just what you are looking for? True love? Marriage? A summer romp?

I have 0 desire to be married... ever and no I am not jsut looking for sex. Just more than friends and see what happens next. I feel in my heart... he was put into my life and "perfect" for me for a reason.... but if there is like no signs from what I said that he might be into me beyond just being friendly, then I am not gonna risk making an ass of myself and making things way akward for the next few months i am here still

He ate a doggy treat, he must like you somewhat in order to do that. Invite him for a banana split sundae on his bday and see how it goes. What do you have to lose?

He ate a doggy treat, he must like you somewhat in order to do that. Invite him for a banana split sundae on his bday and see how it goes. What do you have to lose?

LOL so thats the only thing that stood out as must like me somewhat? I guess I do suck, horribly at signals. I'd never know if a guy was into me or not then. I will probably invite him out for ice cream. Its been my plan for months. Just preparing for him to say no though because I don't wanna get overly hopeful

I have 0 desire to be married... ever and no I am not jsut looking for sex. Just more than friends and see what happens next. I feel in my heart... he was put into my life and "perfect" for me for a reason.... but if there is like no signs from what I said that he might be into me beyond just being friendly, then I am not gonna risk making an ass of myself and making things way akward for the next few months i am here still

This is what is dangerous thinking. You speak with certainty on both ends of the spectrum. You are certain that he is perfect for you. But you are also certain that rejection will lead to making an ass out of you. No wonder you are are stuck counting how many times he says hello, what does he mean by showing you his hand and his car, etc. This is an older guy, you are a younger girl. Already you have an advantage that you are not even considering. There is NO way he is going to be insulted that you are interested in him. But first you need to develop some middle ground in your mind about this whole adventure. You currently have it set up to be all or nothing.

You say that you are willing be take it more than friends but marriage is not an option. So would you be cool with having a shortlived romantic sexual relationship with him? Your paths have crossed but it seems like you have different directions calling you in a few months. Stop viewing him as "he was placed in your life as the perfect one". That vibe is just too heavy at this stage of your interaction with him.

Well no neighbor has ever done either of those with me and yes I know about the downside but neither of us intend to stick in our homes very long, we are not the home owners... I am moving in the fall and he will move in the spring. I don't want anyone, I was content being alone... but now I like him. I would never push it though, if he had no interest in me. So its obvious you think he doesn't. Thats all I needed to know, thanks

Also have been on a few casual dates. Have had plenty of guys in my life over the years but never get out of the friendzone. So thats why I just accepted my fate as single for life before I met him.

So you said you are new to dating, but have had plenty of dates? You are not new to dating, then.

Everyone has a first time of someone being nice to them. There was a guy who was super nice to me when I was new to a school (went back as an older student). I was in a major where the group was smaller so everyone was close. I mistook his niceness for romantic interest and missed out on a guy who would have dated me because I was so fixated on this one guy.

The funny thing is, as the months went on, I realized "hey, what the heck was I thinking" about the first guy who was nice to me.

I think that you shouldn't push a romantic interest, but when you are about to move ask if he wants to keep in touch and exchange numbers and email and THEN you will find out if there is anything there. He will either not contact you and you will get your answer, or you will find he really does see you platonically or might find there is more. But I STILL think you should TRY to meet other people at the same time.

I am not saying he is NOT interested in you 100% but right now you are in the "safe" zone/friend zone because you are a neighbor, even if temporary.

I am always like that. I try to prepare for the worst... I used to be overly positive about everything but it just broke me when things went south so now I talk myself into the worst situation and prepare for it even though I hope for the best.

Not everyone has to be married to be together long term. I'd be happy just being great friends, as I added to my post but I am not sure he even sees me as a friend, only just a nice neighbor. This thread has given me 0 answers to what I asked lol... if he sounded interested in me or not... but its fine. I am gathering from the feedback its more a no and a bad idea.

How can you say that?? I think there is a good chance that he is keen. Just stop sitting back and trying to read the signals. Put yourself out there in a few easy steps. 1) stop by his house and chat with him WITHOUT the armor of having a dog as a buffer. Just you and him. Face to face. 2) ask him out for ice cream or a coffee. 3) Put your attractiveness out there so he begins to see you as a woman instead of a neighbor.

I can understand your desire not to be hurt but your current approach is like fishing from the parking lot. You do not want to get out of the car if there are no fish there. Maybe he is equally confused at your signals. Get your line in the water and see what happens. Make a few small moves that cannot be mistaken as anything but interest. Heck, he ate a dog treat trying to get your attention. Next time, ask him to share. Get your game together and go for it!

I just meant long term. Most dates I went on, were like silly things or group things. Never anything that would amount to anything. Ya I figure though even then, neighbors exchange numbers just because... so it might not mean anything but he doesn't use email. He has told me before he isn't very tech savvy. Like I said though, I am new to this in the sense, I have no idea what he is telling me... I can't pick up on anything, I've only ever been "just a friend" to guys. Such is life I guess. I don't wanna just possibly scare him by appearing a crazy neighbor by saying I like him so I guess I'll try to stop thinking about him all day... and try to move past all these feelings that I can't get rid of. It suks but in the end, it will be best if I can hide them away. Thanks for your input I can't get out much due to my job so its not that easy to just go meet people... but I always talk to new people when I do get around but I never get out of the friendzone. I am just "too nice" and "too clueless"

I dont mean to come off negative about trying to hide it all but its true. The problem here is, in my mind is ALWAYS worry... what is crossing the line in the neighbor zone? I don't want to make things akward for my family too when I move out. Yet... it kills me how strong this is, I literally can't stop thinking about him. I even dream about him alot at night and I rarely remember dreams but always those ones. He is not "just a nice guy" I have met plenty of those... there is something more to him than that. When I am with him, I lose track of time and it feels like its just me and him in the world... I sometimes even forget the dogs are there. He truly makes me happy.

How can you say that?? I think there is a good chance that he is keen. Just stop sitting back and trying to read the signals. Put yourself out there in a few easy steps. 1) stop by his house and chat with him WITHOUT the armor of having a dog as a buffer. Just you and him. Face to face. 2) ask him out for ice cream or a coffee. 3) Put your attractiveness out there so he begins to see you as a woman instead of a neighbor.

Ha I am no model. I do dress girly. I am just average looking though but I have a great smile and personality. Yes, that was my plan for his birthday, to stop by without the dogs.

They've given you good advice. You won't know until you bite the bullet and ask. I'm curious to see what happens honestly - keep me updated.

Can anyone give me advice on how to ask him how he feels or tell him how I do without seeming like a creepy neighbor? This is my biggest fear. I always try to be polite and respectful to people. I don't want to scare him but yet, I don't want to ruin what we have, my dogs ADORE him and he gets so happy to see them.

Also... is it a "Date" if I ask him to ice cream on his birthday, even if I pay? If he says no... what is a good response to that? Any help for this ?

@sodizzy I will

He isn't going to say no to you asking him out for ice cream for his birthday. He clearly at least likes you as a friend or friendly neighbor. I have no way of knowing since I am not in your shoes and only have your stories to go on, but it sounds like there is some level of interest there on his part as well. However, it is a little bit of a tricky situation...maybe he thinks you wouldn't ever dream of being into an older man like him, maybe he's had bad luck with his love life and is just as scared and unsure as you are, maybe he doesn't want to mess up the neighborly relationship...The possibilities are endless.

Ask him out for ice cream on his birthday. Tell him your treat and he can be as extravagant as he wants. Try sending him some signals--brush his arm with yours when you reach for your ice cream, make direct eye contact and hold it a second longer than you normally would with just a neighbor...you know, flirt. If he's interested he'll reciprocate, but you have to put out the signals--you have to risk being shut down.

I am not sure if I would blurt out "I like you!" or anything like that. Have you two ever discussed your love lives? Do you know if he's ever been married, lost a wife to illness, is divorced, etc? Sometimes that can open up an avenue to realizing there's an interest there. Mostly though, get out of your yard, leave the dogs in the house, ask him out to a different place and talk, relate, make it more than a friendly, cute neighbor stopping by for a chat. If ice cream goes well, wait a couple days and then ask him to go to lunch or coffee the next week (if he hasn't already initiated it). Invite him to a movie or the farmer's market etc, if it seems like something he'd be into.

Just risk a little. Put it out there and do things which might be sending the signal that you like him--because you DO. Why shouldn't you make it a little obvious? You never win if you don't play the game.

Great advice! I have touched him a few times. Brushed against his hand and then as I said, he let me see it so I would just grab it and say "let me see your scar" I know he keeps to himself ALOT. He may be friendly when he gets to know you but I don't see him talking to people a ton. He is always home, he told me he rarely goes anywhere other than games or the dr or to run errands. I do know he has no kids and he isn't dating. He told me about a ex gf before but thats it. Never asked if he had been married before. I do my best to flirt with my smile and eye contact. I even told him before that he does not look his age, he has great hair and dresses young and then he showed me his shirt and was like ya I just bought this. He gets shy when I say stuff like that. I also told him because he had mowed the lawn with just 1 hand after surgery that he had talent and I was impressed. He never seems to outright compliment me like your pretty etc but he will say things about how great of a job I do with the dogs and stuff. At any rate, the ONLY reason I even worried he might say no... is, well last Wed we talked, it was well, he initated the chat, saying hi and running over to see me and I told him I got a new car finally and he was so excited and asked me about it but then I was just trying to be nice since he let me see his and seemed interested, I said, if you are not busy tomorrow, you can come see it. Then he said he had to visit family, so I stupidily said... well when you are done with your yard work tonight, you could if you wanted. He says "I'll see it some other time" so he sounded like he blew me off and I felt so pushy and was so mad at myself but I was just trying to be nice, honestly. So now I worry with his reaction to that, he may be weirded out by the idea of going for ice cream alone with me. I'll ask though.

Thanks again. I'll try to get my flirt on but I am so bad at it, should I compliment him more? Like i freaking LOVE his eyes... would that be something to say?

If you can find a natural way to work in a compliment about his eyes or something else, I say go for it.

Also, I wouldn't worry too much about the car thing. He probably thought no more of it than you were very eager to show it off. I really wouldn't over think that.

And for the love of God, ask the man for ice cream!! What's the worst that could happen? He could say, "I'm sorry, I have plans," or "Sorry, I don't like ice cream," or "Sorry I can't/don't want to right now."

Chances are though, he's going to say "Great! Thanks! Where do you want to go?" And even if he says no, it's not the end of the world. You haven't lost anything, you still can be friendly neighbors. You can still chat. It doesn't even mean that he's not a potential love interest. Just relax and let things develop as they do. Let him say yes or let him say no without it meaning he's weirded out/turned on/off/interested/disinterested. Just be and let him be and enjoy his company. Things will naturally heat up or cool off as long as you make an effort to get to know him and give him opportunities to see who you are. Don't pressure it. Enjoy that thrill of being next to him and sharing a laugh--even if it never develops into more. Isn't it fun just to have a crush? There is nothing like that tingle you get when you see them/ talk to them! Once it becomes more, it all eventually becomes mundane. Enjoy him and whatever this brings. I promise it won't be the tragedy you fear. You may even go on some dates and realize there are things you really don't like about him or that annoy you. One moment at a time, k?

Good luck!

Again, thanks, you are very helpful. You make many good points. I will enjoy it. I am not even sure he likes ice cream but I assume most people do, so I'll still ask. If nothing else, he does like Caribou and I could maybe suggest that instead. Some people said I should ask him to walk the dogs with me and I'd love that but it still doesn't give me time without the dogs. Thats the only real way to know if they are the only reason he is so nice to me. At any rate, thanks again and I'll keep you posted.

Great! Can't wait to hear!

UPDATE!!!!

Well... first off...Sunday...I saw him outside, after I stopped by Friday to drop off the card but he was busy and didn't come to the door, so in person on Sunday I gave him the card. He apologized to me about Friday and then out of nowwhere asked me to go see my car, he remembered and he didn't blow me off!! He picked up one of my dogs leashes and we walked to my house together to see it. I was so happy, he even told me I could come by on his birthday (Monday) and visit. Well... he had a tooth pulled in the am but I went by anyway but he wasn't able to talk yet... so it was nothing but I was sad I didn't see him but then last night, he was mowing and stopped TWO times to talk to me and pet the dogs I was walking. He told me he loved my card and is going to buy a frame for it! a FRAME! For a card....? Wow... then I asked him for his # and he gave me it!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH And then.... I asked if he wanted to walk the dogs sometimes with me and he said, ok after he did a little laugh. So we will see if he ever does. At any rate he was not up to doing anything because of the dentist so thats why I didn't ask him out but still, I got alot of other good things to happen.

Also... the "lady friend" he has that he tells me is just a friend, dropped by early in the am and put balloons in the yard, he didn't know about it til later but told me where they came from. So I was in my house and then, I see him let the balloons go into the sky. They had happy birthday and stuff on them, most people keep them, at least for a bit... but yet.. he is framing mine...I still can't get over that. Maybe I am insane but that has to mean he likes me, because that was really special to him. I don't ever frame cards. Picture cards or not. It was one with all my dogs on it and I told him "I figured I'd leave my picture off, I didn't think you would want that" and he looks and the ground and chuckles.

Anyway... that is the summary of the promised update