Sorry if a similar topic has been posted before. I did a search and didnít find something that answered my questions. And sorry about the length. Skip the first paragraph if you want as its background info.
My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and a bit and things are generally going really well. Weíre both in our early twenties and just out of school. When weíre spending time alone together I feel like I could easily spend the rest of my life with her. The problem is that our relationship doesnít seem to be a big priority for her. I know that she loves me but itís seems like to her having a boyfriend isnít as important as other parts of her life. Iím sure this is because this is her first relationship and sheís always been quite independent. That being said, sheís also a very social person and her friends and family are very important to her. Sheís a people pleaser and doesnít want to let anyone down so she ends up having more things to do than she has time for. So it usually ends up being our time together that gets cut short. Iíve talked to her about it and weíve sorted out some communication issues which has helped.
Anyways, getting to the point, the part thatís still frustrating for me is that while she doesnít cancel last minute as much anymore, my girlfriend doesnít try to make much time for us in the first place. At least not as much as I think we should have together after dating for over a year. She does initiate plans but mostly when there's something specific she wants to do and asks me to go with her. Maybe Iím just being too needy because itís my first relationship too. Sheís working 6 hours away during the summer and she doesnít get a ton of time off and since itís sporadic itís difficult to plan anything in advance. But I know thereís not a lot that can be done about it. The one thing we did have planned was to go to California or somewhere else for a week with just us, between when she finishes her summer job and starts teachers college (located 17 hours from where I live).
But a couple of days ago she told me that now sheís decided to lead a canoe trip at the camp she used to work at instead of going with me before she goes back to school. She could tell that I wasnít terribly happy about this and said she felt bad and that she knows she always cancels things. She said that she felt like the people at the camp were like family to her and she missed them and that she felt she had to help them since they didnít have enough staff. This is understandable but it makes me feel kind of useless. Doesnít she miss me too? Iím pretty certain her coworkers wouldnít be there for her if she needed it like I would be. She tried to tell me that we would still have some time together this summer but itís really only going to be every other weekend at the most, and likely only once or twice a month while sheís at school. Most of this time we probably wonít have alone since she lives at home (45 minutes from me) and doesnít have her own car. I know sheís really busy so it isnít possible to see her that much but if I were in the same situation I know Iíd be doing anything I could to fit in time with her. Donít get me wrong, Iím not being clingy or anything. I still have my own interests. I just try to plan them so they donít cut into our time together.
Am I being unreasonable? If not, how should I explain this to her? It seems like when I try to she thinks things are fine and that weíre spending enough time together or feels that Iím trying to push her friends away (she told me once that her friends said she was spending too much time with me Ė the ones who donít have boyfriends, most of the ones with boyfriends have already moved in together). I was hoping that now that sheís finishing university Iíd be a bit more of a priority but Iím worried that this is just the way she is and expecting her to make more time for me will just leave me disappointed. I donít want to lose her but things arenít working for me the way they are. Any help to resolve this would be very much appreciated.