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  1. #1
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    Unhappy Sexually Not Attracted to Fiancee

    Hi,

    I am new here in this site. I just stumbled on this website when I typed randomly about my issues with my boyfriend. My bf (or fiancee) and I are in relationship for almost 4 years now and we are planning to get married this year. I know and i feel that I love him. He is so good looking and with a good physique but I am not attracted to him sexually the way I used to the first time we did it. Whenever we kiss no matter how hard i try to turn myself on I can't. Plus he has a different way of approaching me sexually. He is adorable than sexual when he does it. I've been in many relationships before and I was not like this when it comes to sex I am usually very active. I don't know why I can't feel any desire to have sex with him. I often times just do it for his sake and not mine. I don't feel pleasure when we do it. I know i love him very much I can't live without him. I am not seeing other men or having an affair with others. I watched porn deliberately to test myself if i will ever feel aroused. I did feel aroused with porn but not the same as when you are having sex with the one you love. What I feel about him is very wholesome. I don't even know how to explain it. But I can be with him for the 10 years or more without sex. I know sex is important in every relationship so I want to make sure I can change before I say "I do". I am now asking myself many many many questions like; What if it will come to a point that i will be tired of doing it for his sake? will it cause something really bad in our relationship? If I will be honest to him about this will he understand? or will he walk away? will he be offended and be very concious? will he help me solve this problem? What if he will look for pleasure with someone else? I know I love him and I asked myself many times if he is the one. I've tested myself already. But why do i feel like this?

    Can anyone please help me?


    Sophie

  2. #2
    Platinum Member The_Seeker's Avatar
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    You do not love him.

    Leave him.

    You're wasting his time.

    And your time.
    Rule for Everyone to Follow:

    Practice what you preach and mean what you say. If you don't, you're a damn hypocrite and you come off as a superficial person of what you do, say, and who you are. Time to grow up and stop acting like a victim when someone pulled the same action you did to someone else.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member WillowofOak's Avatar
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    Question, were you initially like this also with him?

  4. #4
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    The BEST thing to do is tell him what you love in the bedroom how you want it!! tell him that you want to be sexed up!! it'll work 100% of the time

  5. #5
    Platinum Member RitaTrue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The_Seeker View Post
    You do not love him.

    Leave him.

    You're wasting his time.

    And your time.
    This.
    Blunt, plain, and simple.

    Getting married will only make this worse. Do not marry this man. Do not put him through a sexless marriage because you do not love him.

    Leave. It'll be best for both of you.

  6. #6
    Platinum Member
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    I don't think you should marry someone to whom you are not sexually attracted. It isn't fair to either of you and you are deceiving him by faking it. You owe him the truth.

  7. #7
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    I think other people are being too quick to say you should leave him. You said that the first time you had sex, you were attracted to him. I don't think you should give up the rest of your good relationship and the good four years you had together over an attraction issue that wasn't always there. When exactly did you stop being attracted to him? There are a lot of things you could try to scale up the attraction again. Maybe it just got boring because it wasn't anything new and different, it was always just you and him doing the same thing. I've heard that happens to a lot of couples.

  8. #8
    Platinum Member The_Seeker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blueidealist24 View Post
    I think other people are being too quick to say you should leave him. You said that the first time you had sex, you were attracted to him. I don't think you should give up the rest of your good relationship and the good four years you had together over an attraction issue that wasn't always there. When exactly did you stop being attracted to him? There are a lot of things you could try to scale up the attraction again. Maybe it just got boring because it wasn't anything new and different, it was always just you and him doing the same thing. I've heard that happens to a lot of couples.
    Sorry, when you start "QUESTIONING" your relationship and sex and start complaining about this and that,

    Yeah, leave him.

    OP is expecting fairytale/spark/fireworks/butterflies in stomach whatever some girls want these days.

    The Fiancee should leave fast and find someone who wants him sexually.
    Rule for Everyone to Follow:

    Practice what you preach and mean what you say. If you don't, you're a damn hypocrite and you come off as a superficial person of what you do, say, and who you are. Time to grow up and stop acting like a victim when someone pulled the same action you did to someone else.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by The_Seeker View Post
    You do not love him.

    Leave him.

    You're wasting his time.

    And your time.
    She see's a potential problem in the relationship and is actively taking steps to try and solve it................... Sounds like love to me.

  10. #10
    Platinum Member The_Seeker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BrianH46 View Post
    She see's a potential problem in the relationship and is actively taking steps to try and solve it................... Sounds like love to me.
    Maybe that sounds like love.

    That sounds rationalizing of her wanting behavior.

    She is not sexually attracted to her fiancÚ. She feels bad. When we feel bad, we rationalize as human nature.

    OP, leave him. Seriously. You're wasting both ya'll time.
    Rule for Everyone to Follow:

    Practice what you preach and mean what you say. If you don't, you're a damn hypocrite and you come off as a superficial person of what you do, say, and who you are. Time to grow up and stop acting like a victim when someone pulled the same action you did to someone else.

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