What does this guy want from me? Why does he even bother?

An original question LOL...What is the deal with 'players'? I dont even know if this guy is a player, I have never actually seen him with another girl but I'm pretty sure he gets girls. He has like over 1000 friends on FB. Plus he is very good looking and pretty popular.

We dated briefly about a year ago, but he is hot and cold. When he's 'hot' he is so into me – cant get enough of me, talks about the future, (the other day he asked me what I thought our kids would look like!!). We have a great connection when we are together, always laughing, joking around, there is a lot of chemistry. He was the one who initiated to begin with, saying he thought we've always had 'something'. But then he suddenly cools off – not for days, but for MONTHS. And if i push it – it gets worse. So every few months he comes back around. Its not like I'm waiting for him, but every time he's back I always end up liking him again, then he backs off.

I know he is not dating material if he is going to be like that. But I just dont get what his deal is. It's not even for sex... we have both moved back home for the minute so that cant even happen, plus we don't booty call each other, we have had a few hook ups but its not like we are regular booty calls for one another. And the other day i just hung out with him all day, we had so much fun (but now he's cold again). I want to talk to him, but its really hard, I don't know how to approach it, and I think he knows how I feel anyway. Its just frustrating when he gets under my skin again and then I am helpless – if I send a text and he doesnt write back I feel like crap for days.

What does this guy want??? Is he into me and just completely scared of commitment (he told me he is scared of commitment once), or is he just a player who gets a kick out of this?

Sounds like he is an emotionally unavailable man, for whatever reason. I have the same issue with a guy currently myself. As soon as there is a sign that things may get serious he is suddenly distracted by another girl or thing. He is not fully committed to you and he may never be. It might be best to cut your losses (an advice I should probably take myself but, well, I am emotionally unavailable myself - something I need to address.)

Don't do this. The next time he comes back, make sure you have a boyfriend, fiance or husband. Seriously. The ones who do this do NOT settle down, and when they do, it's usually with someone young and inexperienced because they think they are "getting a better deal". End the horror show and choose someone who truly knows how to love.

End the horror show and choose someone who truly knows how to love.

Oh that is so true! Somehow when he comes back I am always available for whatever reason, but I know that we will never be serious. It's wanting what I know I cant have... this suddenly makes so much sense.

He runs you down and as soon as you reciprocate he runs away...that's not one of those cute "guy with relationship fears" type of thing. This guy has MAJOR issues. I wouldnt even call them the issues of a player so to speak, but they are there. You hit the nail on the head "he's NOT dating material". I don't know why he is behaving this way. Unfortunately we don't always get the full story on a guy. You can only react to the way he is treating you, and the way he is behaving towards you is unstable, selfish and immature. I would say start weaning away from ol' boy.

I have been there and all I can say is don't waste your time anymore. CUT HIM OFF. No more emotionally unavailable men.

He runs you down and as soon as you reciprocate he runs away...that's not one of those cute "guy with relationship fears" type of thing. This guy has MAJOR issues. I wouldnt even call them the issues of a player so to speak, but they are there.

Great answer! I am so sick of doing the whole 'how do i 'play' the player thing'. He is 29, never had a serious girlfriend, scared of commitment, or even opening up emotionally. Why I thought every time that I might be the one to change that who knows. Even if he does like me, there's nothing I can do while he wont even confront his own issues. So, deleted the number, deleted the texts.... NEXT!

Bubbletoes! I wish you the best!

First off Ms Darcy is one of my favorite posters, she gives great advice. Secondly just as she has and just as you have I have been in that position time and time again. It's totally not unusual for some women to be drawn to unavailable guys. For a long time 'emotionally unavailable guy" seemed to be my bloodtype. And I want to give you the advice I wish I'd known in my teens and 20s that would have saved me a ton of heartache.

What happens in the books and movies doesnt usually happen in real life. I think we all want to believe that we have this special connection, and as women we want to believe that we're the one who will break through to some unavailable guy. All he needs is a woman who really believes in him who supports him, blah blah blah. And then we believe all the hype that movies give us about how NO guy knows how to open up and it encourages us to hang in there when we're not being satisfied.

Total Bulls**t.

Your man's job is to try his damned best to make you happy. And to WANT you and WANT to be with you. If you don't have that, move on. Maybe you miss about 8 years of "life lessons" i wished I'd avoided.

I got on this site because my heart was breaking after I dumped my unavailable man, I'm back on this site because I finally found a good one and I want to talk to ppl about it.

Peace and Love, Girlie

Thank you! It is nice to talk to people who understand (and also dont berate you!). I have been struggling with unavailable men, unavailable for whatever reason, and I always think it's MY fault, or it's because I need to do something or we need to work through it.

The fact is I think maybe these guys have just been wrong for me... and maybe I can actually have a guy that is not only available to me but WANTS me, and WANTS to make me happy and be with me.

Thanks again xxx