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  1. #1
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    If a guy is very bitter and angry months after breakup, does he have feelings

    We were so close and had a great relationship together. I told him I had feelings for him and he said he did too. We ended (after a little less than a month of "dating"), because i was getting frustrated that he would never tell me how he felt about things. About "us". We were like best friends, but all the kissing and touching and hand holding and falling asleep in eachother's arms everynight, and going out of our way for eachother and being joined at the hip, was not something "friends" do. I got upset, and one night on facebook chat i told him we never talk about this stuff. Then he said he wasnt sure i was a genuinely nice person, and he wanted to feel i was but just couldnt. then he said he was afraid i didnt accept him for who he was b/c i was the first one to actually like him back like that..

    I said to forget what we did ever happened and it was a mistake. I only said that because i wanted us to be friends still. But i definitely had feelings though more than a friend.When i told him to forget it ever happened it was just because I thought that was what he wanted, and he later blocked me on facebook two weeks later. (before he blocked me though, we were at the same social gathering--movies with a bunch of people---and he didnt say one word to me or acknowledge me. He also left 3 hours early so he could avoid having to go back to our downtown dorms with me on the subway. Also, before that day I had texted him seeing how he was. He was just bitter and kind of rude in his replies (not mean, just kind of rude). He wouldnt ask how I was doing...almost like he didnt care/want to be bothered.

    A week later, I remember getting out of the elevator and he was right there when i got out. I gasped a little, and he looked at me and i looked at him, and he turned his head and his eyes followed me as i walked down the hallway. it was quite a moment. lol....

    About a week later, i texted him. I said i was sorry for being so insensitive to his feelings. He never responded.....ever....so i just left it at that and never ever contacted him again.

    You can just say "he wants nothing to do with you. he blocked you on facebook, he is done" but honestly, i dont think so. I think he just didnt know how to handle it. This behavior is very unlike him. It was my first breakup, and clearly it was his first too. I mean, we cant just avoid eachother forever. And I mean, we both said we had feelings for eachother...you dont just end things completely on that note.

    The week before we left for winter break, i was waiting for the elevator and he was too. He didnt say anything to me. When we walked into the elevator, he just stared at me the whole ride down. (i saw from the corner of my eye)

    Under normal circumstances, I would have just said "forget it" and moved on. Normally it doesnt take a lot for me to move on. I can move on very very quickly. Sometimes even nearly instantly. (well, thats for crushes. not for guys i have actually been with) But this guy is different. This guy is actually worth it. What we did have was really special to me, and it was the start of what could have been a beautiful relationship. I am very picky when it comes to guys. I reject every guy that asks me out, because I question a lot of people's intentions. Most guys ask me out because of the way I look, not for "me". But Kyle was different. He actually liked me for me. He was such a great listener, and was such a great friend. He was not trying to get with me for sex. period. He hates womanizers. Kyle was the first guy i ever dated, and was my first kiss. (i may have been his as well).

    I definitely believe in signs, and I think something is definitely telling me that we should be together. I have been dreaming about him recently. Just about us making up, and kissing. Yesterday I was waiting for my friend in the lobby, and i see him walk out the door and leave at the same time we do. Then when my friend and I are about to get on the subway too get back to the dorms, I see him in the subway car we are about to get on (he was already on it from another stop). It sounds silly, but these coincidences keep happening. Normally even though we live across the hall, we never bump into eachother and i never see him. He also has hit on my new roommate and flirted with her. But he hasnt actively pursued her. Im pretty sure he flirts with her to get me angry. We made a promise in the beginning of the year when we were "just friends" that neither of us would go after eachother's roommates. He said he was 100 percent sure he wouldnt.

    But I mean, things happen between couples. They fight....and they can fix things. This chaos could have easily been solved if we had just sat down together and talked about. He is worth it.

    How can I tell him I have feelings still? I want to tell him sometime before the end of school in early June. I dont want to go back home knowing i may never see him again.....I mean i may see him again if we are both living in the same dorm building, but i dont know if he is next year....Im just really scared to talk to him, because im afraid what he will say to me. He blocked me on facebook, so Im afraid of looking like a fool. I dont want him to think im desperate. I'm not...nearly a dozen guys have asked me out since him. I turn them down because I only want Kyle...

    I feel like he does want to talk to me, he is just afraid to. He is afraid to admit he still has feelings. He is afraid what people will think..... Because I know everyone on our floor still talks about the two of us, and our issues....I know I am still on his mind...

    He was such a sweet, sensitive caring guy. Sweetest I have ever known. That is why he is worth it to me. This breakup just brought out bad sides in both of us....

    It was a long time ago we broke up tho...it was back in mid september...

    Besides, we were eachother's first anything...although he doesnt know he was my first kiss and first guy i dated...

    I just miss him so much. Ive thought about him every single day since we broke up. I dont even know if it was a real breakup... i didnt intend for it to be. We were just so so close before. We did everything together and told eachother everything. I had never felt that close to anyone in my entire life. It was so so special to me...


    Does he still have feelings? Or does he really just hate me so much? Why is he so bitter? He was the one who said he wasnt sure i was a genuinely nice person. (it was so out of the blue...it was just an excuse for us not to commit to eachother.) so thats why i said "this was a mistake" and i guess that i meant i dumped him. But then he was like "we can still be really good friends serena. Im perfectly okay with it" but apparently he wasnt..

    You can say "oh hes just hurt that you dumped him". but he made excuses why he wast sure yet about committing. So how can he be hurt, if he wasnt sure anyway? i thought he wanted us to not be together....thats why i said it. even though i was falling in love with him. I was in tears when i said "this was a mistake"

    I mean, i know i must sound crazy. But I really feel like we could have been good together. I find it very hard connecting with guys and I really did connect with him. I really liked him, even after all this I still have feelings. I feel like its hard living without him in my life....i still feel so empty....he also really reminds me so much of my father, but in a good way (i have daddy issues...lol)


    I just dont get why he is like this. I mean, I know that I was his first girlfriend (i can even call myself that...)but still. Also, when my ex friend Lizzie (she has said many mean things about me and gotten Kyle to join in), has said very nmean things to Kyle and about him, he was hurt, but then forgave her and they are friends. Why cant he be that way for me?

    I really really care about him. Ive never felt this way before.He also has flirted with my new roommate and hit on her. (hes not trying to get with her tho), and its probably just to piss me off.

  2. #2
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    we havent spoken face to face since before the breakup in september. We havent had any contact period since beginning of october

  3. #3
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    it just hurts. Its unlike him, because normallly he is jst a very friendly guy. We have never ever gotten into a fight or anything before this. We were never angry with eachother.

  4. #4
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    also ten days after we broke up, he stayed the night at Lizzie's dorm (she was like my best friend at the time), and even tho it was on the floor (he doesnt like her like that), it still hurt. Then he went after lizzie's best friend who is this blonde, dumb cheerleader type of girl, but she rejected him. thats why im afraid of coming across as a fool if i talk to him. But then again, maybe this was his way of trying to get over me? He lives across the hall from me too. 10 feet away....everyone on our floor knows about the tension between us...

    also forgot to mention another reason why we kind of broke up in the first place. (when i confronted him). Because he kept me as a secret. everyone knew we were best friends. but no one knew we were "dating". So a lot of the making out etc, was in the longue on our floor that no one goes in (well, some people walked in on us and it was awkward, but they were strangers, they werent friends)and when we would go back to our dorms, he wouldnt even hug or kiss me goodnight. I would try to hug him, but he would be all stiff and awkward about it. It was like we were friends during the day, but then at night, we would touch eachother. it was getting to awkward for me. when i told him that, he said he didnt think it was awkward.... and when people would be like "is there something between you two?" he wouldnt reply. and when he was on the phone with his mom, he goes 'im just in someone else's room" and he would say it really fast..

    i dont know why he never told people about us when we were together....i felt kind of cheap in a way. but not really "used" because we hung out publicy all the time and people knew we were best friends..


    So i dont know why he is so bitter about me, if he was confused about his own feelings before anyway. its not like he was enthusiastically saying "LETS BE TOGETHER!" no it wasnt like that...

  5. #5
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    we last spoke the day before the breakup. (the breakup was via facebook chat---i didnt mean to break up with him that way. i just wasnt prepared for when he made the night girl comment. i was just trying to tell him I was getting irritated that we never talked about what we were doing to eachother...the kissing and stuff and us being more than friends). So defensively i just said "this was a mistake". But the night before that, we were in bed together (we didnt have sex, just cuddled and kissed) I said to him "i have feelings for you" and he said "me too" i then said "soo..." and he said "sooo....when two people have feelings for eachother....can you picture us as a couple?" and i go "yeah, can you?" and he says "sure..." then i kiss him passionately and say "im so glad you feel the same way. i feel so comfortable when im with you" he then gets on top of me and kisses me sweetly on my cheeks and looks into my eyes for a while. Then he spoons with me for a while under the covers til I kind of fall asleep. Then he leaves to go back to his dorm room because he says "its too hot in this room". but then i didnt hear from him at all the next day. then we broke up that night....i was just frustrated.

  6. #6
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    I think this is a lesson in saying what you mean. You told him to "forget what happened" when he didn't immediately reciprocate your feelings on the spot. And you totally blanked him - did not even say hi on the elevator. It was a weird comment to not say you were genuinely nice but when you clarified, I think he meant that he didn't know if it was for real because you were the first.

    I think that if he did feel deeply for you but was just scared, you made sure he didn't want to start anything by responding to his fear by pushing back instead of giving him just a little time, or slowly removing yourself from the hip but not shoving him away.

    Also, if you guys were best friends and weren't sure what you were yet - why were you mad you were a "secret." It sounds like you guys were just trying to figure out what you were at that point - and it was you who pointed out that you seemed to do stuff "more than friends" and brought that to his attention ...then didn't give him ample time to consider.

    I don't think you can salvage this one.

  7. #7
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    I think this guy already had unsolved emotions from his past. Very dark emotions you did not cause. He probably was taught about not expressing emotions, so if he felt sad when he was a kid and was unable to express emotions in a constructive way, those emotions would be hidden and will start to rot. A break up or any other emotional experience means separation and mourning (depending on mental health of every person), so such experience makes those rotten emotions to surface so they are cleaned up. The problem is that probably those emotions are too overwhelming and alter his perception of reality, so it is not healthy for you to stay close.

    If it wasn't for breakup, or facebook comments or any other situation that may involove mourning, anything else could have made those emotions to surface. Unfortunately you can't do anything as it is something that is inside him and him and only him can deal with it. So HE has the problem, not you.

    I know you fell in love with an ideal of him, but the real human being had this dark side. The ideal is just like a mask with magic sparks, so you are mourning the loss of that mask you put on him, not really him as a human being.

    So if I was you, I would say that he is not ready for any kind of relationship, as he has some heavy cleaning job to do inside of him and you are better if you stay off so you are not hurt by it. He seems not very skilled on emotional management but he will have to learn sooner or later.

    To illustrate how it works, imagine a river of emotions. Suddenly a small dam was built, so water is not flowing anymore when he was a child. As time passes the dam needs to be bigger, and water starts to become rotten, until there is a moment in which it breaks and it floods anything around it with rotten waters. This cleaning process that involves a flood is overwhelming before it returns back to be a normal river that will be cleaned up in time.

    Another way to imagine it is like storing garbage in the closet with doors closed. If you store garbage for years, when it is time to take it out, the house will stink and it will be horrible to stay in that house while it is taken out. But it was a must to take that out. That stinky house was in the process of being cleaned up.

    So he is in that process, and you better stay away as the great stink may hurt you if you get close. In some years he may be able to clean this up, or if he tries to make the dam bigger, it may take longer. You can't do anything there, no matter how much you appreciate him. In a few words, if he lets this stink to pollute his actions, he will become "evil". When you are old enough, you will discover that "evil" people are people who are unhappy, polluted by past unsolved emotions after the dam breaks. Life has its own ways to make those people aware of the evil they did.

    I know you loved the mask you put in front of him, but unfortunately he is not that mask. You need to learn about separating this ideal, this mask, from the real human being. He has done things that showed me that you must stay away from him. Look for happy people, not people with rotten waters and a dam that may break that may do "evil" things to you. "Evil" is like an infection, once you are hit by it, you also may become "evil".

    Get close to those who make you a better human being, stay away from those who drag you down.

  8. #8
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    i wanna be with him though..... i really really want to talk to him :/ he lives across the hall for christ sakes

  9. #9
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    Good post Comstar. I'm going through the same situation hopeful. I'm about to hit month 4 of the breakup (9 month relationship). The relationship was amazing, sparks, chemistry, and love. Then he broke up with me and dropped me from his life. I realize now that he had some emotional trauma that he hasn't dealt with from his childhood. He has to resolve these issues himself...my wish to stay in his life will just push him away further. *Sigh* I really wish the Beatles had been right with "All you need is love."

  10. #10
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    today i was still debating whether or not to talk to him. but the problem is, he is SUCH A CHILD! i was getting stuff in the cafeteria in our building tonight. so when i was done i went to the elevator. I walked up to it, and i actually didnt know it was him at first, but my ex and his friend were right in the elevator and were about to get out. I walked into it at the same time he got out, and he was like "uhh", ,in a surprised tone and then when they got out, they were snickering. So obviously no hello or anything.

    He's so immature. I mean he acts like im some piece of trash. I get it, he was angry for me probably telling him it was a mistake (that we, had a thing), but he really needs to grow up. Clearly he is not over this whole situation either....because he cant even stand being in the same room as me. When he would talk to my roommate, he would make sure not to come into my room. i mean, i didnt want him in my room anyway, but still. He needs to just act like an adult now....

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