Boyfriend says he loves me after about 2 months of dating. Is that too soon??
I believe that we are completely in love. A little background...we have worked together for about 2 years so that could be a reason the relationship escalated more than usual seeing that we already know each other somewhat. However, there was never any flirting or a crush on either of our parts before he sent me a text around Christmas and we started dating. For the first month things went along smoothly and at a good pace but since we slept together about 3 weeks ago things have moved really quickly. The sex is amazing. We have already talked about having a family. He says the sweetest things and is very attentive. No one at our office knows at this point and we don't plan on telling anyone for awhile. However there are a few other things I should say. He filed for divorce from his wife last fall and the divorce is not yet final. We are both in our 30s by the way, neither of us has children. The divorce is happening because he cheated on her. I know, I know. He said there were problems but that is not an excuse. He said he would not mind having a baby with me really soon but he doesn't want to get married in the near future.
Should there be huge red flags going up for me? Is the handwriting on the wall already that this is going to end? I really do love him and things are going so well. Does something that starts off so intense and passionate sometimes end just as quickly. My head is spinning. Am I just a rebound? He says no and that he loves me and thinks he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I would already be so hurt if things ended at this point so should I stay in the relationship and see what happens?
Just want some advice....
You are just going to have to take one day at a time. Only time will tell. ...chi
Well, you believe that you're in love and obviously agrees so why is it an issue? Pretty sure my partner said it after 1 month of dating - 2 weeks exclusively haha but he's the best thing that's ever happened to me coming on 2 years later!
I would definitely NOT be planning to have his baby any time soon. Nor would I be planning to move in, in the first year. This would be very unwise.
He said he would not mind having a baby with me really soon but he doesn't want to get married in the near future.
Sure, see how the relationship plays out. I don't doubt he believes he's telling the truth about his feelings. I don't think he is deliberately trying to deceive you. However he left his wife in Sept/Oct. This isn't enough time to understand and heal over the demise of his previous relationship. I very much doubt he is over it. Right now he is running hard. The pain/confusion of being newly alone seems to be stage he's anxious to skip. How long was he married by the way?
Sadly, he simply can't know whether he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. Neither can you.
If you continue to go at his pace, this scenario could crash very quickly. He's pushing and you are trying to keep up. Right now he is avoiding issues pertaining to his previous relationship, by smothering them with this new one. Not good! At some point old issues leak through, and if he has "over committed himself" he will start pulling away.
It is down to you to put on the breaks. Babies? family? To marry or not? Too much right now. I have a feeling you know this. He forcing this relationship to a level of commitment that it cannot realistic attain at this moment. Why? Why the hurry, if you are going to spend a life time together? Tell him you love what you have right now. Lets see where it goes. Do not be rail-roaded. You are too smart for that. Keep your head, keep your friends and keep your life.
Take a breath.
I know you've fallen hard, but eight weeks isn't nearly long enough to be discussing whether he is the future Father of your children. The more slowly you go here, the more you'll be able to soundly judge the situation, as it unfolds - and not on the promises that he has made in the first six weeks. Let's start watching actions and not words.
I get the impression that you are already hearing alarm bells. Sadly so am I. I'm not saying don't be in love. I'm saying step back a bit. Don't travel at his pace. This is your relationship too. You have every right to feel secure and confident at every stage of it's development. Right now you are overwhelmed. Let's just see where this goes in the first six moments, before any commitments - babies, living together meeting the parents etc, etc - are made.
All the best to you
I don't think it's too soon It sounds like you guys are really into each other. You've known each other for 2 years and you sound certain that you love each other. However, I would still be careful not to move too quickly! You don't want to jeopardise something that could be amazing.
Are you okay with this?
Originally Posted by need2know09
I don't know if two months is too soon for anyone to say he or she is in love. But it sounds like you have other concerns. I would, too, given his history.
I promise you this: it's not complicated, unique, or confusing. It's quite simple, actually.
For a minute there, I lost myself...
People fall in love quickly, my ex and I knew we loved each other probably within the first two months of our dating. What screams red flag for me is the fact that your boyfriend is currently involved in a divorce because of his infedility. I don't like his answer that there were problems in the relationship. Every relationship will have some sort of problem, cheating isn't the answer to fixing these problems.
Secondly, you are good enough to have a baby with him but not good enough to become his wife? Why?
I shared my spare on Feb 4th. Ask me about living kidney donation.
This guy wants no strings attached, no commitment, cheated on his wife, jumps into a relationship with another woman when his divorced has not been finalized... yet he doesn't mind knocking you up? He sounds very irresponsible! So I guess when you have his child, you really shouldn't be expecting any kind of support from him while he moves on to the next girl.
The divorce is happening because he cheated on her.
I know, I know. He said there were problems but that is not an excuse. He said he would not mind having a baby with me really soon but he doesn't want to get married in the near future.
Run from this guy. Major red flags. He will definitely break your heart.
Although this wasn't your question, how can this be called a relationship since his divorce is not yet finalized? Unless I'm missing something, his prior relationship is still on going in the legal sense, even though they're not together.
Either way, it sounds like he's capable of talking the talk, but not walking the walk.
"When you start rationalizing and accepting a cheater's behaviour/excuses, you start playing a game of how low can you go." ~ Lavenderdove ~
Thanks so much everyone for replying. I know what it looks like from the outside. He didn't say he didnt want to get married just not right now. What concerns me the most is that I work with this person in a very specialized field in a bad economy. If this relationship ends especially if it is badly I will still have to see this person everyday. So I have written down some things to try and help me figure it out. My heart needs to listen to my brain.
#1. As I mentioned, this could possibly interfere with my livelihood (Red Flag #1)
#2. He is pressuring me to compromise some of the values I have held for a very long time. First comes love then marriage, then a baby (Red Flag #2)
When I tell him I am concerned about what my family will think he says "you are a grown woman" do what YOU want to do.
#3. He is not yet divorced. Think it was filed in Oct/Nov (Red Flag #3)
#4. He cheated on his wife (Red Flag #4)
|Caring professional willing to listen and help whether you're having relationship issues with parents/children/or other loved ones. Contact me now!|
|Unhappy? Confused? Depressed? Jealous? Angry at your partner? Tired of being misunderstood? Whatever your relationship issues I can help you address them!|
|Licensed Professional Counselor. 30yrs working with couples & families to empower individuals and their relationships. Exploring the opportunities for joy and contentment.|
|Loving attachment is the probabaly the greatest source of our happiness - till it goes wrong - I can help you deal with the hurt and often find a resolution|
|Whether its sexual, deciding to break up or determining if he/she really is interested, I ask question that help reveal answers so you can in turn make better judgements.|