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Why does this guy who likes me want to have a threesome with his best friend??


thegirl_00

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Ok so do I have a story!. I broke up with my boyfriend of eight months because I felt like I needed to be single. I realllly liked my ex but I just wasn't ready for the commitment. Eventually i want to get back together with him, but im not expecting him to wait around.

 

So basically the day we broke up I went to the bar with girlfriends and the hottest guy ever started talking to me. We hit it off and I ended up sleeping at his place but we DIDN'T have sex. Afterwards he continued to talk to me and we hung out again 3 days later... we ended up having sex that night. I told him I don't want a boyfriend (which is completely true), but that he is cute and I don't mind continuing to be friends with him. I figured that would be the last I heard from him considering I already slept with him, but it wasn't - he continued to pursue me and wanted to hang out more and he wanted me to meet his friends. I figured this meant that he liked me and I thought it was kind of cute.

 

So last night I went out with him and all his guy friends. I was supposed to have girlfriends come out too but they all bailed last minute. So it was basically me and 6 dudes. Anyways I didn't pay much attention to my "date", because we aren't actually going out and we both agreed that we don't want to act like a couple at all. So basically I was hitting on a bunch of guys all night and he was hitting on other chics and we had a blast! I was actually helping him and his friends pick up girls. P.s I am all about open relationships so this was cool for me.

 

At the end of the night I ended up going to his place and one of his guy friends came too. We were all drinking but I got really tired at 3am and went to sleep..... so 6am rolls around and I am in his bed and him AND his friend come into the bed naked wanting a threesome! I turned it down. But then my "date" leaves the bed and just his friend stayed and kept trying to hit on me. What kind of friends are these?? I am so confused!! Why would this guy who likes me purposely leave me in bed with his best friend??

 

Anyways I feel extremely used and I haven't heard from my "date" since. I am actually sad about this... he was a lot of fun and I feel completely rejected. I have never been rejected by someone before (probably because I always have a boyfriend), but it feels terrible!!

 

Do you think there is any chance he will text me again? What does any of this mean? Please help me make sense of what happened here.

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It means that he just wanted to use you for sex and a possible threesome with his friend. He has no intention of being serious with you at all. You pretty much told him that you wanted nothing serious. You also helped him pick up girls and you even slept with him. The way you carried yourself most likely made him assume that you were "wild." That's why him and his friend jumped in the bed naked.

 

He may text you, he may not. But I suggest that you don't bother with him anymore.

 

What were your actual intentions with this guy?

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I'm sorry to say this to you, but I don't think he really likes you...much less has ANY respect for you. I have to agree with GreenCupcake, you became an easy target. Your actions made him (and his friend) believe that you were 'game' for just about anything. I would refrain from putting myself in such a position; much worse could've happened to you with a group of horny guys that you don't really know and lots of drinking on your part.

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I kind of just wanted to keep him around and party together and whatever else. I didn't expect this all to end so soon and in such a strange way. I totally got played!! I seriously thought I was the one in control. He kept talking to me about relationships and that I would be awesome to date, but that he respects that I want to be single. He bought me a ticket to go to his sisters wedding fundraiser with him as his date. Which I still have. I totally thought he was obsessed with me and so did my friends. I'm so confused...

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I kind of just wanted to keep him around and party together and whatever else. I didn't expect this all to end so soon and in such a strange way. I totally got played!! I seriously thought I was the one in control. He kept talking to me about relationships and that I would be awesome to date, but that he respects that I want to be single. He bought me a ticket to go to his sisters wedding fundraiser with him as his date. Which I still have. I totally thought he was obsessed with me and so did my friends. I'm so confused...

 

You played yourself. He is treating you how you wanted to be treated. Sex, no relationship etc. etc.

 

I think that you have some major growing up to do.

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I'm not sure where "respect" comes into play when you agreed to have sex with someone you barely know, followed by sleeping in his bed while other guys are hanging around.

 

so 6am rolls around and I am in his bed and him AND his friend come into the bed naked wanting a threesome! I turned it down. But then my "date" leaves the bed and just his friend stayed and kept trying to hit on me. What kind of friends are these?? I am so confused!!

 

And you're wondering if he'll text you again?

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I'm not sure where "respect" comes into play when you agreed to have sex with someone you barely know, followed by sleeping in his bed while other guys are hanging around.

 

 

 

And you're wondering if he'll text you again?

 

Agree with this. You weren't used. He was entitled to assume you'd be open to having sex with him and others in the house given your behavior. What you wrote has nothing to do with being into "open relationships" -which means you're in an exclusive romantic relationship where you're also allowed to be with other people -what you were describing was simply that you were hanging out with the guy you just met and had sex with and shopping around to see what else was out there, just as he was. The only thing wrong with that is that somehow you've decided that that means he "used you for sec which is surprising, to say the least.

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Sooo he just texted me asking why I think he is an * * * * * * * and why i never want to talk to him again.... What the heck. I am not going to respond. You guys are right. I got played by my own game. At least now I can keep some dignity by not responding. Honestly, I don't regret sleeping with him. I have never done that in my life and whatever... I am single now and having fun.

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And I feel a bit attacked here, but to clarify I have been in a relationship non stop for a long time. my last bf I was with for 8 months and I was with someone right before that for 3 years. I haven't quite figured out what I'm doing here with the single world so cut me some slack lol. Trust me, I know that it is unlikely for a guy to like a girl after sleeping with them right away. But my ego has never been bruised and figured I could still win... well I didn't. Serves me right.

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Sooo he just texted me asking why I think he is an * * * * * * * and why i never want to talk to him again.... What the heck. I am not going to respond. You guys are right. I got played by my own game. At least now I can keep some dignity by not responding. Honestly, I don't regret sleeping with him. I have never done that in my life and whatever... I am single now and having fun.

 

Your posts are confusing because you said you were happily single, and then you basically admit to trying to reel him in by pretending to be a wild child? I don't mean to sound insensitive. what do/did you really want? I don't think the guy did anything wrong, sounds like you guys were having a good time but you were not honest with him about your real intentions.

 

Be aware that some people are affectionate and sweet to their FWB, etc, and it's not fair to them to be dishonest.

 

and texting isn't sufficient validation of his feelings in my opinion. You sound hurt, maybe because you know he cares enough to text but not enough to ask you to be exclusive? Rejection is tough but it's not the end of the world. I'm sure you are a fun person and that many people would be interested in you, I just don't think it helps to play games when you have unvoiced expectations.

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I agree. to be honest i don't know what I want. I like attention from men and that was basically all i wanted from him. I honestly just got out of a relationship and my head is not screwed on quite right. Im not going to lie, im obsessed with guys, but I don't want a boyfriend. Those are the facts and everyone can take it how they want. I don't really know what to say...

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You really have to be careful out there then. You are admitting that you are obsessed with guys and are actively looking for their attention. You found that guys do respond with attention when they think sex is available. This guy hung in there after sex with you because he felt there was more "wild child" on tap. When you said no to the 3some, he basically bailed on you. Leaving you to fend off this buddy who he given the impression that you were an easy touch.

 

Look at the actions involved here clearly. A guy does not ambush a drunken/sleepy girl in her bed with a buddy in tow unless he has zero respect for her. Be very careful of playing the "sex for attention game". These guys out there have been doing it for a lot longer and you will have the game flipped on you every time. Try to get you male validation some other way.

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You're lucky you didn't get raped.

 

Sorry, but you were sending out a signal that you were loose and were up for anything. You're demanding respect from people. actually it is the opposite.

 

If you're obsessed with men and attention then deal with your insecurities and need for validation. Take some time for yourself and grow!

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Sooo he just texted me asking why I think he is an * * * * * * * and why i never want to talk to him again.... What the heck. I am not going to respond. You guys are right. I got played by my own game. At least now I can keep some dignity by not responding. Honestly, I don't regret sleeping with him. I have never done that in my life and whatever... I am single now and having fun.

 

There is no dignity left to keep, sorry. Forget him and start fresh...if you can.. all his friends seem to think your free punani. Don't know who else they told.

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You picked him based upon a judgement of his appearrance...now WHY are you shocked with the outcome???

 

When your girlfriends bailed, THAT was a sign...

 

The guys probably thought she was lying about inviting her friends and them flaking just so she could have them all to herself. That could be why they came in naked..

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I agree. to be honest i don't know what I want. I like attention from men and that was basically all i wanted from him. I honestly just got out of a relationship and my head is not screwed on quite right. Im not going to lie, im obsessed with guys, but I don't want a boyfriend. Those are the facts and everyone can take it how they want. I don't really know what to say...

 

Sorry if my reply was unnecessarily harsh, I thought I should be direct but it seems like you are totally aware of where you got lost. I hope you can go nc or recover from the rejection so that you aren't the one in a vulnerable position. Good luck!! and being single is amazing--you don't need to worry about him anymore. I don't think it's a bad thing to enjoy male attention : )

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I'm glad you've decided to move on. It troubles me when men are attacked as "using" a woman who consented to having casual sex - but in the end that attack just hurts the attacker who ends up bitter about men who "use" her. I went through phases where I enjoyed being single (short ones) and I understand the need for male attention and the focus on looks above all else but after that focus you can make choices not to go home with men you barely know and get naked. Nothing wrong with casual sex but since your initial reaction to your choice was "he used me" it sounds like casual sex isn't healthy for you emotionally (physically is a different story).

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All I really want to say is, a woman has two choices in life - to be liked, or to be respected. Don't confuse the two, that's when you get in trouble.

 

Being liked means people are in it for some sort of self gain, and when you stop giving them what they want from you, they'll bail. Being respected means you won't always be liked, but people won't screw you over.

 

I hope you don't have to learn this the hard way. I really wish you the best of luck with your situation.

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Sooo he just texted me asking why I think he is an * * * * * * * and why i never want to talk to him again.... What the heck. I am not going to respond.

 

You should respond. Tell him to buy himself a fleshlight, because a sex object all he really wants. He can treat it as cold and insensitive as he likes and it has no feelings to hurt.

And here's the best bit - he can share it with all the friends he likes too.

 

As a guy, I thought your story sounded a bit sus...

Most guys who want a threesome really fantasise about it being with two females. There is something sublimely homoerotic about him wanting to share you with a friend he's known a lot longer than you. You don't know how close they really are. This guy you met could quite easily be bisexual for all you know. I'm not saying bisexuality is wrong or anything, just so long as you're upfront and honest about it. I hope the sex you had with him was protected sex because it sounds like he gets up to all sorts with anything that moves. In any case, you are better off without this joker. Good luck!

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All I really want to say is, a woman has two choices in life - to be liked, or to be respected. Don't confuse the two, that's when you get in trouble.

 

Being liked means people are in it for some sort of self gain, and when you stop giving them what they want from you, they'll bail. Being respected means you won't always be liked, but people won't screw you over.

 

I hope you don't have to learn this the hard way. I really wish you the best of luck with your situation.

 

Or both - far better.

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