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  1. #1
    Gold Member ut804's Avatar
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    why do men on online dating sites do this?

    Here we go with another rant of my online dating experiences, was hoping to get some answers or persepctives.

    1. Why do people respond to messages with one sentence? I will write a paragraph and they respond with one sentence (usually something about themselves and don't even ask me any questions). I mean why bother at all to respond? Has anyone done this and can explain it to me? And most of the time they are the ones to message me first, not like I'm chasing after them. I mean if they are no longer interested then why respond back with anything??

    2. Why all the hate? One guy said I was hot but could gain 10 lbs. Another incident was when I have my age limit stated on my profile. One guy was above my age limit and sent me a message saying "I know I am above your age limit, I am just sending you this to annoy you." Another first message: "You're pretty but you are wearing ballet flats in your photo. That's not sexy. Can you send me a picture of you barefoot?"
    Then, if I ignore a message sometimes they don't give up. And sometimes they get really nasty. I do nothing to deserve this, why do they send me messages with all this hate and attacking me? Is it just a joke to some?

    3. Why do they ignore my dealbreakers? I will say several times I am looking for a serious relationship. Time after time I get men who say on their profiles they are only looking for a hook-up. I even say in my profile "Please only message me if you are looking for a serious relationship, not a hook-up". That doesn't work either. How much clearer could I be?

    It's almost like if I state what I want, guys who do not meet my criteria will message me just to annoy me!

    4. Why do men have such well-written profiles that sound so mature and serious, saying how they are looking for a meaningful relationship and they are hard-working, gentleman, etc. and then go and message me with something so stupid like "hey sexii!!! heres my number....." ??

    I know you will all say "just ignore them, they are immature". But I really want to know *why* and get deeper into it, like if anyone here has done this and can explain why. Maybe I should just give up on this online dating, nothing but freaks and jerks on these sites.

  2. #2
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    Men who aren't successful in meeting woman in real life flock to dating sites. Also since it's the internet most are a lot bolder.

  3. #3
    Member Ilona Crow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BrianH46 View Post
    Men who aren't successful in meeting woman in real life flock to dating sites. Also since it's the internet most are a lot bolder.
    I agree with this totally. I had some AWFUL online dating experiences. One guy told me that so few women respond to him that he messages everyone he can just to try to get a response. I know it's hard, but please try not to take it personally. I think online dating is just such an awful experience that it makes so many people bitter and vindictive, so they just lash out at random other people on the site.

  4. #4
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    1- It could be the guy that you responded to has many options, so he has to rush through messages. Sometimes, someone will send me a long message about my interests and i sometimes i think about responding just for conversation, but on a dating site thats a waste of time for me and them if i am not that interested.

    2- Lol, thats their "game". They try to tease you expecting you to send an "lol". They are trying to humor you. I did this for a while, because in person i always have them laughing, but online, you cant judge the response or body-language, so i stopped this. Others are trying to send you "negatives", making themselves look better in hopes you might chase a challenge... this isnt effective online either (imo). Girls do both to me, i got one that said, "hey, your skinny... you should work out" or "so you think your hot?"

    3- Some guys put hook up so they dont seem desperate. Some men just dont care, i get messages for sexual encounters and it says clear as day in my profile and my info section that I want a relationship.

    4- Lol, thats another one of their games. They want you to message them- its all show.

    All of these things i have experienced as a man with women... just the same.

    I dont do any of this. I know this might be their intentions because i also frequent attraction forums, and they all try this angle (which i think isnt as effective online considering i had a lot of dates on the old myspace that didnt include any of that).
    Last edited by Thorshammer; 02-09-2012 at 10:00 PM.

  5. #5
    Member YZRiderF's Avatar
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    I tried online dating a few years ago after a rough breakup. I also had horrible experiences with immature women. Probably one much smaller scale than you since I am a guy, and Im sure us guys outnumber females. One actually left in the middle of a date and stood me up. I called just to see if she was ok and then days later she texted me to see what i was doing. I replied "please dont text or call me". I should have been mad anyways she put up some very deceiving pictures. I am not all about looks but I do need to be attracted to the individual.
    Maybe try pay sites they could have people that are more serious and have similar desires as you. I gave up on it after two girls that I met.
    For Myself, For my Friends, For my Family Forever

  6. #6
    Gold Member stickman's Avatar
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    Perhaps you may consider that many of us men have a short attention span!
    BUT...
    Also in our world of the quick and being more blunt we are looking for more instant gradification... like a fast food burger insead of a 3 course sit down dinner! lol.

    Perhaps you may want to consider asking open ended questions in order to get them to reveal more. AND you may consider a quick telephone call to quickly weed people out. Any fool can regurgitate a few good responses in a text or email. But, a telephone can can tell you a LOT more! (Can they speak. Are they smart...funny..what ever.) And then a final screening in person face to face can tell even more.

    Men are easy...I know....I am one!!
    I Chose My Own Thoughts... “This too shall pass.”

    Don't think about what you don't want. Think in your mind vividly about what you most want to happen and it is more likely to happen. Because..."Thoughts become things."

    "If you want to rise...do the difficult."

  7. #7
    Gold Member ut804's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thorshammer View Post
    1- It could be the guy that you responded to has many options, so he has to rush through messages. Sometimes, someone will send me a long message about my interests and i sometimes i think about responding just for conversation, but on a dating site thats a waste of time for me and them if i am not that interested.

    2- Lol, thats their "game". They try to tease you expecting you to send an "lol". They are trying to humor you. I did this for a while, because in person i always have them laughing, but online, you cant judge the response or body-language, so i stopped this. Others are trying to send you "negatives", making themselves look better in hopes you might chase a challenge... this isnt effective online either (imo). Girls do both to me, i got one that said, "hey, your skinny... you should work out" or "so you think your hot?"

    3- Some guys put hook up so they dont seem desperate. Some men just dont care, i get messages for sexual encounters and it says clear as day in my profile and my info section that I want a relationship.

    4- Lol, thats another one of their games. They want you to message them- its all show.

    All of these things i have experienced as a man with women... just the same.

    I dont do any of this. I know this might be their intentions because i also frequent attraction forums, and they all try this angle (which i think isnt as effective online considering i had a lot of dates on the old myspace that didnt include any of that).
    Thank you, that gave me some understanding.

    Maybe I also get offended too easily. But I always put in some effort when I like someone, and if I send out a first message I always make it nice and thoughtful, nothing weird. I just wish people wouldn't make it so complicated or awkward. I am a straightforward an honest person. I like decent and "normal" conversations. And I will get flooded with messages sometimes, even then I'll find the time to make a decent length message and ask questions about the other person.

    Stickman,
    But I get frustrated when it goes something like this:

    Me: "Hey I like your profile, we seem to have a lot in common. So what do you like to do in your free time since your profile doesn't say?" (open-ended question)

    Him: "sports, stuff like that"


    I mean c'mon!!!

    Also, I have tried the paid sites and they are not much different. The example I used of the man sending me a message to annoy me because he was over my age limit was from a paid site.

  8. #8
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    I think you're relying too heavily on the online part. Use the online part only as a way to get your foot in the door and if no phone numbers are given or exchanged after two emails, move on. The online part should be a blip on the radar if that. As far as the jerky comments it's the same as jerky comments on the street ,catcalls, etc. - just keep walking along and singing your song, to quote my son's favorite children's book.

  9. #9
    Gold Member ut804's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Batya33 View Post
    I think you're relying too heavily on the online part. Use the online part only as a way to get your foot in the door and if no phone numbers are given or exchanged after two emails, move on. The online part should be a blip on the radar if that. As far as the jerky comments it's the same as jerky comments on the street ,catcalls, etc. - just keep walking along and singing your song, to quote my son's favorite children's book.
    Good advice (as always, I appreciate you always helping me out ) But a lot of what I'm complaing about is the first 1-2 messages. I don't even talk to most of these men, it's just messages that I recieve and don't respond to, and with the men who give me a one sentence reply I don't even bother with them anymore. But my mom said the same, that before I meet anyone I should talk on the phone with them first.
    I'm just always disappointed. I'll get all excited getting messages and it turns out to be all junk. blah. Everyone says I should just give up on online dating. But it's the way I meet guys the most, there's really no one at work and I don't like the idea of meeting men at bars. Actually I have met a few men the natural way but no one im interested in.

  10. #10
    Gold Member ut804's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ilona Crow View Post
    I agree with this totally. I had some AWFUL online dating experiences. One guy told me that so few women respond to him that he messages everyone he can just to try to get a response. I know it's hard, but please try not to take it personally. I think online dating is just such an awful experience that it makes so many people bitter and vindictive, so they just lash out at random other people on the site.
    It's turning me bitter, in fact I am getting scared of turning into one of those bitter people. Sometimes i need a break from it. I don't even read most of my messages, I'll just view the profile and if I don't like it I won't even read the message. But even though I am frustrated, I would NEVER hate on innocent people who didn't hurt me. Don't take out your anger on innocent people!

    As for the guy you know, that's horrible. So he's messaging people he doesn't even like??? That's selfish. I mean what if one of these women responded to him and he didn't like her. So that's just wasting the women's time and flooding their inboxes with spam.

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