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Girlfriend Hasnt Text Me all day


osagun

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Hello All,

 

So me and the woman im dating has a fight on Friday. She was really mad at me because we fight about the same topic over and over. She was going out of town to hangout with friends so i told her, this is going no where. I want you to have fun, there is no use in arguing anymore, Have fun this weekend. She then hung up. So a few hours goes by and i texted her "sorry for this afternoon, have a fun weekend" hours late she texted back and said "you too, have a good weekend" so today, she hasnt texted me at all. I'm tempted to text her, but i know that she wants her space (we've been together everyday two weeks strait). So my question is, should i text her asking how her day went? or just leave it.

 

She will be coming back tomorrow or monday. I'm not sure. Should i just stay put and wait for her to text me? or should i make the move?

 

Oliver

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Update: Well, she finally text me today saying "hi, how was your weekend"

 

I responded saying it was good, and the boys (our dogs) miss you. She responded with aww i miss the boys. then that was it. I then texted her saying, how was weekend she said it was really fun and then asked her if does she miss me. she ignored the question and asked what i am doing. she never answered the question. Now, she hasnt text me back at all tonight. She is coming back tomorrow and i'm fed up!

 

I talked to her mom and she told me that she didnt have time to contact me because she has been busy all weekend. Funny things is, she went up there to party with her friends. She didn't even want me to go. I don't believe she didn't have time because she is real popular, she has guys texting her all day and night. So for the past two days after our fight are you telling me she couldnt find time to text to say hi? i dont believe that.

 

Finally, she knows this is killing me. She knows this is hurting me, but she still doesnt make any contact and just enjoys her time with her friends drinking and partying tonight. How cold hearted is that? Me personally, i always make an attempt to contact her even when im busy to say hi. plus if i know she is worrying because i havent texted or called, i would make an attempt to call versus just blatantly ignoring them.

 

how cold hearted can someone be!

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Finally, she knows this is killing me. She knows this is hurting me, but she still doesnt make any contact and just enjoys her time with her friends drinking and partying tonight. How cold hearted is that? Me personally, i always make an attempt to contact her even when im busy to say hi. plus if i know she is worrying because i havent texted or called, i would make an attempt to call versus just blatantly ignoring them.

 

how cold hearted can someone be!

 

It would seem you have someone who enjoys playing communication mind games. Since you've said she knows that it hurts you then it sounds like she gets something from you suffering. It's quite common and usually comes down to ego and wanting to be "missed" while still out having fun. If this is the case, I'd say she is not showing you the respect you deserve. It sounds like you've been dating long enough to have settled into some sort of mutual contact routine, if she's still playing games now I don't think she is the women for you.

 

It's a good point that you need space but she is manipulating this by making your space unbarable whilst enjoying herself at your expense. I don't think it is a space issue anymore, you just would not feel like this.

 

Consider how often you are left feeling like this and decide whether this is your idea of a healthy relationship, from their the choice is clear.

 

Best of luck. Either way I hope you take back control of the situation by making a decision based on your happiness and not hers.

 

If she continues this will wear on your self esteem.

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Its up to you and how you feel she would react to certain situations and actions by you.

 

I personally would emulate what she is doing. I wouldnt contact either, and i would hang out with other people too. I wouldnt let her behavior bother me, i would be unemotional to it. I would avoid talking to her mom and showing that its bothering you (because she will tell her).

 

It seems like a field of games is going on now, you either fall for her game and explode with emotion on her, play it too, or walk away. If this is a game shes playing, then she needs to grow up.

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Its up to you and how you feel she would react to certain situations and actions by you.

 

I personally would emulate what she is doing. I wouldnt contact either, and i would hang out with other people too. I wouldnt let her behavior bother me, i would be unemotional to it. I would avoid talking to her mom and showing that its bothering you (because she will tell her).

 

It seems like a field of games is going on now, you either fall for her game and explode with emotion on her, play it too, or walk away. If this is a game shes playing, then she needs to grow up.

 

This is a great post. I agree. Just stop contacting her. Give her a taste of it too. She's playing mind games and she knows they're working. You're coming off as too needy, and you're playing right into her hands.

 

I don't know how old you are, but college age through 20s, you'll find this is a common thing. "Party" girls often love attention, and they get hit on all day every day if they're attractive.

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Well here is more info for you guys (FYI: Thank you so much for taking the time to give me advice, its really helping). So before going on her trip this past weekend, she stays at my place everyday. She cook and does everything, but when she goes out she turns on the "im single" button and it annoys me because, what the hell are we doing? Plus we went on a west coast excursion visiting california, washington, and canada and everything was great, to her the best trip yet. Then two weeks ago, she invited me to cancun with her family in March. I mean, thats pretty big if you are taking me with you on a family trip you know? Plus she tells me, she talks to guys and gets their numbers because its fun and tells me i should get girls numbers too. but i dont do it because thats just respect. But then there are time where she wakes up mad at me because she had a dream where i was talking kissing another girl. what the hell...guess this is what i get for dating a 24 year old college student...

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Oh gosh. Never call someone's mom to check up on them. Its like you were looking for her mom to tell you "oh, she cried and misses you" and when she didn't, you can use it against her.

 

And don't say "Do you miss me??" if someone planned to be away. That comes accross as terribly needy. I mean, you knew this was her weekend to go out with the girls. She hasn't really been gone that long. A day? two days? My bf has gone to a weekend with his buddies where there is minimal good reception so I don't hear from him from when he is an hour away from his destination until he gets to that point of an hour out from there on the way home. I know its unsafe for him to talk on the road so I just look forward to spending time when he returns. IT will be time for you to be together after she is back from her trip and settled back into the routine.

 

Also, if I had the same argument over and over with a guy, I would not contact him to rehash it while I was gone or just walked in the door.

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You know - if she cooks and cleans for you - give her a break. If she is out with the girls - having a drink or dancing with your gfs doesn't portray 'single' behavior. heck, with my and my female friends, we basically go and people watch or have a late night dessert. if she were picking up guys, that's a different story, but if she is doing something spouses do - (when YOU should also be cooking and cleaning) while she is with you, don't you think she feels like a break to be with her friends sometimes?

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You know - if she cooks and cleans for you - give her a break. If she is out with the girls - having a drink or dancing with your gfs doesn't portray 'single' behavior. heck, with my and my female friends, we basically go and people watch or have a late night dessert. if she were picking up guys, that's a different story, but if she is doing something spouses do - (when YOU should also be cooking and cleaning) while she is with you, don't you think she feels like a break to be with her friends sometimes?

 

OP said she gets guys' numbers. That would be a red flag...for me at least.

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Woah, this is a different spin on things now.

 

Normally, i would tell you to never control anyone unless they are your child (and even then i would allow freedom). Thats how she is, except it or leave. I got into enough trouble over fighting women over partying, its neediness, clinginess, and it all stems from insecurity (because thats when these traits usually come out, same with jealousy and controlling behvaior).

 

But...

 

If she is saying she is getting numbers from guys, then thats a big red flag. I could understand how fun that is, sometimes i get a number and dont pursue, but not when i am with someone. Thats disrespectful- it shows she doesnt follow the same guidelines as you when it comes to a relationship (and thats fine, if its not wrong to her then its not wrong for her).

 

You need to understand boundaries, set them up, and make them a part of you. When you set these boundaries, take note if it seems controlling or one-sided. Personally, going out and partying would not cross my boundaries, not calling would... but i wouldnt make it an issue because i would want to examine what her purpose of doing so is, but getting numbers is crossing my boundaries (not only because its not needed, but because if i analyze why someone would do this, i would come up with insecurity issues, or they are not loyal, both are just as dangerous in my experience).

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What i recommend is that you avoid trying to fill the gap of distance... people do this by being needy and clingy. Not only is this unattractive, but you are actually rewarding her behavior. I would still stick to being unemotional and careless. Clean for yourself and cook, set the message that you yourself are becoming distant. Show her what you feel by turning the tables, if she feels nothing and goes along, then thats the sort of relationship she wants, and it becomes a serious clash of compatibilities.

 

Let her think how she said "you can get numbers too" works on her conscious when you yourself are out away from her eyes and ears.

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Update. Well she came home we got into an argument. I tried to make her stay to talk about it. she wasn't having it. she took the dog and some of her stuff and left. In the car i told her im sorry how things are. she said whatever we'll talk about it later, i asked you promise. she said we'll see. I dont want to see you or talk to you right now...

 

i so lost...

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Update. Well she came home we got into an argument. I tried to make her stay to talk about it. she wasn't having it. she took the dog and some of her stuff and left. In the car i told her im sorry how things are. she said whatever we'll talk about it later, i asked you promise. she said we'll see. I dont want to see you or talk to you right now...

 

i so lost...

 

sorry buddy.. but it sounds like its the beginning to the end of ur rel..

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Update. Well she came home we got into an argument. I tried to make her stay to talk about it. she wasn't having it. she took the dog and some of her stuff and left. In the car i told her im sorry how things are. she said whatever we'll talk about it later, i asked you promise. she said we'll see. I dont want to see you or talk to you right now...

 

i so lost...

 

If you werent at fault... then you have no reason to chase her and think "you lost". Unless, you started the argument? Dont chase after her like a puppy, especially if you didnt do anything, you only pull someone in who you pushed away, you cant pull someone who WANTS to push away.

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Update: Talk about a hectic Monday! after the whole event where she left. it was just a downhill for me and her. she was so pissed she texted me everything that she wanted back from my place and was looking at cancelling our cancun trip and blamed me for trying to manipulate her family to get on my side. She then text me saying that we could of salvaged this relationship but since i kept talking to her mom it stressed her out much and she didnt want to deal with it anymore. I texted her, sorry but this relationship is still salvagable, if i need to stop talking to her mother so be it, that is her decision but don't let that be the reason why you are quitting on our relationship. So late last night (I was emotionally exhausted already), she texted me asking if i wanted to meet up at this restaurant. I said ok and we met up. We sat there, she leaned over the table gave me a kiss saying "I hate you", so we talked about it. Apparently her mom was blowing up her cell phone this whole weekend and she felt like everyone was attacking her. She said it felt like i was arguing with you for 3 days. So we talked about it. She said that its not healthy to see eachother constantly (before this we've been seeing eachother 7 days strait) and that she is going to start staying at her place more (She pretty much lived with me at my place). So we are working this out.

 

 

So now, i'm working on the whole not seeing eachother everyday. It still new to me but something that must be done. Is this normal for a couple? is this healthy if you dont see someone everyday? I miss holding her at night and waking up next to her.

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Neither of you are healthy; both are equally responsible. She gets guys numbers: you accept that. You hung out everyday for two weeks: then you complain when she needs space. She cooks and cleans, even though it's your place. She leaves to spend time with friends, then you call her mom - really inappropriate.

 

It's clear you have some co-dependency issues going on and you need to build up a life outside of her. Learn that it's healthy not to be with someone else every day and learn some independent.

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Neither of you are healthy; both are equally responsible. She gets guys numbers: you accept that. You hung out everyday for two weeks: then you complain when she needs space. She cooks and cleans, even though it's your place. She leaves to spend time with friends, then you call her mom - really inappropriate.

 

It's clear you have some co-dependency issues going on and you need to build up a life outside of her. Learn that it's healthy not to be with someone else every day and learn some independent.

 

Yes. I'm seeing that now. You see i'm in the military and i'm gone here and there. This has been an issue with me from the beginning. Honestly. I have to learn to be independent and at the same time. I have to learn to think positive. I finally am realizing why i get this way when she wants space or goes out of town. I get very insecure because I always thinking she is going to leave me for someone else. I guess being in the military i've seen this happen so many times with my troops. But I have to learn not to think negatively.

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You being in the military still doesn't explain her getting guys' numbers.

 

Oh I wasn't referring to that. Sorry if i confused that. We did talk about that "she say this is all fun and games. she only does it with her cousins and with her brothers. She told me they pretend to get the numbers then erase it they never pursue it. She said never give their numbers out. She said they been doing this for years. it just to liven up the night. Thats why she tells me to get numbers too because she doesnt care since she knows I'm already with her and its just fun and games.

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Oh I wasn't referring to that. Sorry if i confused that. We did talk about that "she say this is all fun and games. she only does it with her cousins and with her brothers. She told me they pretend to get the numbers then erase it they never pursue it. She said never give their numbers out. She said they been doing this for years. it just to liven up the night. Thats why she tells me to get numbers too because she doesnt care since she knows I'm already with her and its just fun and games.

 

Someone who does shady things can fuel anyone's insecurity. I personally would not date someone like that.

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