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Thread: What do you do when you need more attention from your boyfriend?

  1. #1

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    Unhappy What do you do when you need more attention from your boyfriend?

    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year but were FWB for about 2 years before we got together. I wanted to be with him so bad but he always would tell me he wasn't ready but 8 months ago we got together and things were good between us. Things are going well between us now but I have been feeling like I put alot of the effort in us hanging out together. I definitely did before we were together but now that we are together, alot hasnt changed in that field. I want my boyfriend to do more as far as giving me attention. When we are together, i can tell he really likes me and enjoys my company but he using his cellphone to check twitter and look on instagram a little more often than i would like. It is also me initiating that time we hang out and making the plans for us to hang out. I want him to call me to come over sometime, not always me.

    I also get ALOT of male attention from other guys that are not my boyfriend. He knows this but I have done a good job at making him secure and not having worry about other guys, he doesn't really worry about that too much. And the truth is, i dont really care about other guys, however I think he has gotten too comfortable and is slacking off on making me feel like im wanted by him and i have been tempted to entertain the guys who always show interest in me. I really dont want to cheat with on my boyfriend or become romantically attracted to someone else because we live in the same town and if he ever found out, i would be crushed. When i told him i want more attention, he says im needy and its annoying and he likes his alone time sometimes...

    I dont know what to do, all i really want is more attention from my boyfriend but i also dont want to miserable trying to get him to see i want more attention, when i have a bunch of other guys who would do it in a heart beat

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Moontiger's Avatar
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    ...how about talking to him? You know communicating your needs.
    "Recognizing somebody else's power does not diminish your own." -Joss Whedon
    "Saying that you're a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn't make you sick [...]"- http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person/#ixzz2mOdY2dPO

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    Without knowing you both, there is truth in both. He does need alone time. You do want attention. I am curious ... how exactly did you transition from fwb to bf/gf?

    I would suggest you call him less and do your own thing more. Either he'll reach out more or he won't.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VXXXX9iVPI

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    Silver Member jchstar's Avatar
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    I dated a guy like this. He isn't willing to put forth the effort becasue he doesn't feel like he should have to. My ex would blow me off, never intiate time to hang out or ignore me while we were together. These are all signs he does not like you. You know the strong urge you have to pay attention to him? to call him or to see him? If you didn't have that urge wouldn't it worry you? If you like someone you listen and try to understand why they need more attention and try to work something out. you don't name call and say that they are needy. You are not needy. you care. and you found your self a guy who may care but doesn't care as much as you do and why stay with someone who doesn't feel the same way as you. Don't waste your time. You should have someone calling you, showing intrest in you, and wanting to spend his time with you.

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  6. #5
    Bronze Member Pinnacle's Avatar
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    Kind of ironic considering you have all these guys willing to go out of their way just to give you attention, but you want the one guy who gives you the least.

    And then, if he ever decides to give you the attention you want AND then more, you'll probably end up getting annoyed at why he doesn't do his own thing for a while or talk to anyone else and you'll eventually end it. Then the cycle repeats itself.

    You don't have to do anything. You don't have to ask him to go somewhere, you don't have to have to ask him to come over, and you don't have to text/or call him at all. Like you said yourself, you have a line of suitors waiting to grab your hand. So what will you do, bask in the attention of someone else who worships you....or appreciate that your boyfriend doesn't need you to be happy and that he just likes to be happy when he is with you.
    Fighting the good fight. With Ponies.

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    If you have talked with him and he is not willing/able to put the work into making your relationship work, then it is not a good fit for you - even if you love him - and it is time for you to move on.

    That is what dating is about - seeing who is compatible with you and who is not in the long run...

    He and you either may be very different in your relationship expectations, or - he is not viewing this relationship as seriously as you are. Either way, it is time to move forward for your own sake. Why waste your time? You have given it a good try, and it is not your ideal relationship.

    Sounds like you have some other possibilities and the longer you stay with this guy the more you delay getting to know someone that REALLY wants to put the effort into a relationship with you!

    But don't cheat!!! Make a clean break, take some time to work on yourself, and then take the dating plunge with these other guys.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member pinkelephant's Avatar
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    I would talk to him first, but most people don't respond to talk so chances are things won't change too much. They might change a little, but not much. Then I just back off, completely. I don't initiate anything and then wait. It takes maybe a day or 2 before they freak out.

    But tbh, if someone is that aloof and it's not working for you, it's an incompatibility thing. And that's something you can't really change.

  9. #8

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    I appreciate everyone response! Im going to try talking to him AGAIN about it, in a serious way with less nagging

  10. #9
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    Being a guy and formerly being with someone who had a habit of nagging. I wouldn't go the less nagging route. I would go with the completely without nagging route. If he even picks up on a bit of nagging it will remind him of being nagged again and most likely not listen or his response will be short lived. Make sure you don't nag at all. And then later when you see evidence of him responding to you the way that you appreciate, let him know you are thankful and do in fact appreciate it. It will hit home, trust me.

  11. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Betterme View Post
    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year but were FWB for about 2 years before we got together. I wanted to be with him so bad but he always would tell me he wasn't ready but 8 months ago we got together and things were good between us. Things are going well between us now but I have been feeling like I put alot of the effort in us hanging out together. I definitely did before we were together but now that we are together, alot hasnt changed in that field. I want my boyfriend to do more as far as giving me attention. When we are together, i can tell he really likes me and enjoys my company but he using his cellphone to check twitter and look on instagram a little more often than i would like. It is also me initiating that time we hang out and making the plans for us to hang out. I want him to call me to come over sometime, not always me.

    I also get ALOT of male attention from other guys that are not my boyfriend. He knows this but I have done a good job at making him secure and not having worry about other guys, he doesn't really worry about that too much. And the truth is, i dont really care about other guys, however I think he has gotten too comfortable and is slacking off on making me feel like im wanted by him and i have been tempted to entertain the guys who always show interest in me. I really dont want to cheat with on my boyfriend or become romantically attracted to someone else because we live in the same town and if he ever found out, i would be crushed. When i told him i want more attention, he says im needy and its annoying and he likes his alone time sometimes...

    I dont know what to do, all i really want is more attention from my boyfriend but i also dont want to miserable trying to get him to see i want more attention, when i have a bunch of other guys who would do it in a heart beat
    I'm going through somewhat similar issues. I know how you feel. My issue with my boyfriend is our schedules are opposite but I feel the same as you with him not paying attention to me enough. It really sucks feelings neglected. But if your boyfriend is anything like mine I know he cares about me, but he just doesn't put forth the effort sometimes to spend more time with me and I mean actually SPEND time. Not just sitting around the house, going out and doing stuff. I've had the issue with wanting attention from other guys, and it's a not so good feeling. It's like emotionally cheating on your boyfriend. I would do something about this now because that issue did lead me to be involved emotionally with another guy for awhile. My boyfriend knows about it and we worked it out but it's always going to leave a permanent mark on the relationship. Lately with our issues and me feeling neglected again I've gone back to feeling like I want attention from other guys, but I'm trying my hardest not to. I would cut off contact with the other guys, it leads to nothing good in the end. Make sure to address this issue, put your foot down. That is what I'm currently trying to do with my boyfriend. Good luck! To both of us...

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