Girls, Be Honest. Would You Date a Guy in a Wheelchair?

Ok, so I had a serious car accident in May of 2011 that almost killed me. It crushed all my ribs, broke my neck, mid back and lower back, ruptured my spleen, tore my right shoulder, and caused two closed head injuries with bleeding in my brain. I was given a 40% chance of survival and, if I did survive, I was expected to have brain damage from the cerebral hemorrhaging. Everything has healed perfectly and there are absolutely no signs of brain damage but I am now paralyzed from my chest down.

Being in a wheelchair does cause quite a few strange looks and stares and people do treat me differently (assuming I'm incapable of doing things for myself and always needing help).

The question, ladies, is if you met a guy that had a good personality and you were interested in getting to know him better, but was in a wheelchair would you date date him? Can you imagine having a long term relationship with someone who is paralyzed?

Honestly, (and man, I have such profound respect for you for fighting back from something like that), I don't think most men or women would probably sign on for something like that, which is a shame.

I would, yes.

I would not want to marry someone who used a wheelchair at the time we met if I was still in the phase of life of wanting to have and raise a child because of the practicalities and the type of family lifestyle I wanted/want (obviously you never know what can happen after you meet and get involved, i'm just referring to my decision if I knew at the time). I didn't really date for any other reason than to find someone potentially to marry so my answer would have to be no. It would not affect at all whether I would want to be friends with the person -that would totally depend on the person's personality, values and what we had in common.

Just because you find a few girls online here that wouldn't does not mean in anyway that we speak for a majority of girls. I mean, yes based on what I want in life, it would be hard for me to be with someone in a wheelchair. But there are girls out there that live different lifestyles and being with someone in a wheelchair may suit them better! There's no reason to think that just because a few girls from who knows where wouldn't, doesn't mean that right girl is out there for you, I mean there are so many people in this world, do you really think there is not one girl out there that will accept you for you? Like another person said, and I agree, it wouldn't stop me from being friends with someone, and someone else may think that way and all the best relationships stem from friendship! I can just tell by what youve been through you are a very strong and amazing person! Don't give up

I totally would. Yes, there would definitely be some hardships, BUT I can only imagine the perspective that would give someone on life. Sounds kind of messed up but I have also wanted to have a friendship with someone who was blind because I am sure their perspective would be refreshing.

Anyway, I am sure there are a number of girls that wouldn't but I even recall a situation (I worked retail about 5 years ago) and my coworker turns to me and says, "hot guy!" i ask who?! and she says about 4 o'clock, the one in the wheelchair!"

If youre a sexy man with a great personality, of course!

Absolutely yes. If I met someone whos personality fitted mine, someone interesting to me, interested in me... I would want to get to know them better. That's how this dating thing usually starts off with me. I am older though. Different things become important to you when you're older I think.

I think I would. I've dated someone who had one leg paralyzed and I thought he was very good looking, didn't bother me a thing so.....And I would by no means believe I am up above you....I just know that there are people out there who do think that way and it's quite a pity.

As far as child rearing is concerned, that would be kind of a hindrance.

But I think it's totally possible. While your dating pool is probably a little less than before, don't settle for something less!

I think you'll totally find somebody.

Honestly? I don't really know anybody who has been paralyzed, so I can't say the situation has ever come up. I would like to think though that if I met somebody who I clicked with on an emotional level that it wouldn't matter whether he was paralyzed or not.

Can I ask a personal question though? (And feel free not to answer)

This may be really ignorant, but it is something I have always wondered....when you are paralyzed from the waist down, does everything still work? I mean can you have sex? Or would that be a no go?

It wouldn't really change my decision one way or the other as there are other ways to be intimate, but I imagine that would be why some women might shy away from a relationship like that.

I think you will find somebody though.

I would..

But I do have a difference. If he's in a wheelchair and can still use upperbody and arms (like some who can still do athletics or play basketball).. I say yes. There has actually been a guy I had a crush on for years.. I would have loved to be his girlfriend. But back then I was too shy..and then I met my first love..and this led to another route in my live..

But only friendship if he needed the automated ones, due to paralyses. I have been great friends in high school with one guy who was paralyzed from chest down. We had some great times, laughed our butts off. I still wonder how he is doing now. Last time we met I was in college and he went to another one and had a girlfriend So it really is possible.

I totally would. Yes, there would definitely be some hardships, BUT I can only imagine the perspective that would give someone on life. Sounds kind of messed up but I have also wanted to have a friendship with someone who was blind because I am sure their perspective would be refreshing.

 

Anyway, I am sure there are a number of girls that wouldn't but I even recall a situation (I worked retail about 5 years ago) and my coworker turns to me and says, "hot guy!" i ask who?! and she says about 4 o'clock, the one in the wheelchair!"

 

If youre a sexy man with a great personality, of course!

I wouldn't want someone to be in a serious relationship with me so that he could get a better perspective on life because of a misfortune I had experienced. That wouldn't feel like a balanced relationship. I do think that could be valuable in a mentor-mentee relationship or when you do volunteer work with people with disabilities ad get to see life through their eyes.

I think you have a good cross-section of responses here.

To me, the truth is that most girls want Ken and most boys want Barbie (hopefully, like, nurse Barbie or something). The more that you deviate from that ideal (rich, good looking, intelligent, successful, athletic, charming, etc). the more difficult a time you are going to have.

So... you if you are Ken in a wheelchair? No problem! Wheelchair Ken can definitely get a girlfriend. If you are fat, balding, grumpy, unhygenic and poor AND in a wheelchair? No, I think you are going to have problems.

I think the key is to work on the other variables that you have to play with. Do you have a job or ambition? You can work on that. How about learning public speaking? Do you belong to any clubs or volunteer groups? Like anyone, the more you get out there and involve yourself in things and the community, the more people you will be exposed to and the higher your chances.

Being completely honest here with no flippancy I would be slow to start a relationship with someone in a wheelchair simply because I would be terrified that if it didn't work out then I'd have to break up with someone in a wheelchair; I mean how rubbish does it feel to end a relationship never mind with someone whose already got it so tough?

If the guy had got used to his situation in the way that some do when they've always been in one and they almost forget about the fact they need the chair then I'd be a bit braver about going there.

But it would take me a while and I'd feel more comfortable if it built up gradually.

So what I'm saying is a convoluted yes.

But as one poster said you only need to find that one person so the odds are fairly good when you think about it

Thats why i said friendship, not romantic relationship.

I dont see this as veing much different than appreciating someone who has experienced a significant loss. I dont wish that on anyone, but having experienced it myself allows me to connect on a different level.

You should follow the success story of this guy named "Nick Scott". Just do a quick google search, or look on youtube. Follow his story. Pretty damn inspiring, I have a lot of respect for the guy.

My point... who wouldnt want to be around such an inspiring person who has made sonething amazing out of a cruddy situation.

My point... who wouldnt want to be around such an inspiring person who has made sonething amazing out of a cruddy situation.

Because you're assuming that everyone who uses a wheelchair becomes an inspiring person. It depends on the individual, what his perspective is, what he has chosen to do with his life and whether he wants to be an inspiration to others or whether he wants it not to be a topic of conversation. I know a person who was in a serious accident and now uses a wheelchair -this person was a very negative person before the accident and remains negative. I know others who are absolutely inspiring, and everything in between.

I think I would, but it would take me longer to get to know the person, and sex would be a factor for me as well. I was friends with a guy in a wheelchair years ago, and I knew he had a crush on me. I would have considered dating him had he not also been about 20 years older than me at the time (I've never been attracted to guys more than a few years older than me). He was cute, talented, and had a great personality, and I would be surprised if he wasn't married now (this was about 12 years ago).

Yes, I would..if there was chemistry and we 'clicked', a wheel chair wouldn't run me off.

You should read my posts in tgeir entirety... make something posotive out of a cruddy situation is not a cynical person with a neg outlook.. i am not daft and youre not enlightening. Youre making more generalizations than o

What I wrote focused on the individuality of a person with a disability -yours made assumptions about the general reaction to having a disability.

My gut feeling - no.

Thank you all for your replies. I appreciate your honesty and most of you are giving me a lot of hope that one day I will find someone that will look past the chair.

As I mentioned, my accident was fairly recent so I'm still adjusting but I'm well on my way to becoming fully independent, which is a very positive thing. I keep a positive attitude toward my life and my situation 98% of the time (I still have my moments when I cry about what I've lost but that's natural) and I am talking with people at my rehab center about becoming a volunteer counselor for people new to spinal cord injury. Becoming paralyzed carries a lot of emotional baggage with it and I have a background in helping people overcome emotional trauma. I am also doing a lot of other things to help the SCI community including getting new laws passed and making revisions to existing ones to better accommodate people in wheelchairs so I am "getting out there" and making a positive difference.

tvnerdgirl, you asked a very good question and, no, it's not off limits to me. There are two types of spinal cord injury- complete and incomplete. Complete means there is total severance of the spinal cord while incomplete means it is only partially severed. Men with an incomplete injury usually have most of their sexual function intact while those with complete injuries have a harder time. However, viagra will correct that problem and give a full erection. The downside, though, is the guy won't be able to feel anything. So, basically, the woman would be capable of receiving everything she would with an able bodied guy (oral, penetration, fingering, etc.), she would just have to do most of the work LOL

If we had a really amazing connection, then maybe.

If I married a guy who ended up getting into an accident, I'd definitely stay bc I'll love him and I would look past it. But it's harder if I didn't know the guy and met him when he was already in a wheelchair. Just cos I'm pretty active and I'd like my partner to be the same way =/.

I am sorry that you had to endure such hardship, I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it is.

My honest answer: I wouldn't. There are several reasons, and it's really just because of my lifestyle, the things I want in a partner and the things I want to be able to do with my partner. It's a selfish decision, but it's mine. I would definitely never leave a partner if he got sick or ended up in a wheelchair whilst we are together, but I wouldn't willingly choose it.

I hope you find someone special and she will appreciate what you have done for yourself and others since your accident. I too am sorry you've had to go through this.