Why Aren't Women Interested In Guys Like Me?

I know this isn't anything new and guys have been asking the question forever but now it's my turn. I'm, apparently, what most women want. At least I'm what they say they want. I'm sweet, loving, affectionate, understanding, looking for a long term commitment, etc. and yet women only see me as a "really good friend". I have several very close female friends who share everything with me because they feel so safe talking to me and they all say, "I don't understand why you're still single. You're such a great guy!" and yet that seems to be my problem. I'm such a great guy and women don't want that even though they say they do. I guess what I'm really asking here is why do they say they want something when they clearly don't? Why say you want one type of man and then pass that up every time for the exact opposite?

Nice guys finish last.

Well that doesn't answer my question.

Nice guys finish last.

Wrong. Push overs finish last.

Don't be a jerk just to get girls.

From what I see is that a lot of people seem to go for the same type of person over and over. It seems like they have an ideal person but this doesn't mean they will change their ways and go for what may be a better choice of person. You are probably a great guy. Great people seem short in supply for both men and women. So maybe it will take some time but the right woman will find you and appreciate you for all that you have to offer.

Nice guys don't interest woman in that nice guys generally aren't assertive. For most of the girls that you were interested in did you approach them and right off the bat flirt with them? I'm guessing no and that your relationship with women are ones that start out as friendships. Characteristics such as being open, kind, attentive etc etc are all positive qualities that fuel a healthy long term relationship but in order to attract a woman in the first place to get into a long term relationship you need to interest them. Nice guys generally aren't interesting, they lack self confidence or rather self interest, I mean if you don't love yourself why would a girl? Thats why d-bags tend to get more girls although their d-bag nature eventually drives them away. So strive to be a confident man who is interested in him self, sure of his self worth and knows when to say no to a girl.

Thanks BrianH46. That's very good advice

Thank you, as well, lonelyandblue.

np jkhunter, I know where you're coming from I use to get friendzoned all the time.

It has to do with attraction. Yes, you are displaying relationship-traits, which in itself is attraction, but those are traits that come after (or second to) initial attraction to some women (sexual attraction based on physical or behavior). Seduction is also important, it creates sexual attraction. You dont display this, then you might get friendzoned or send the wrong signals and lose out.. or again get friendzoned.

My cousin has this same problem. He gets all these women (way more social than anyone i know), then he bombs and they end up as friends. He has confidence, he is social, but he lacks a lot of things that i notice that he has no clue about. His body gestures are weak (which makes his confidence seem forced due to it), though he is social he doesnt have the gift of gab to start interesting conversations (hence he is a GOOD listener, easy friendzone target to become the shoulder and ear for her), he cant seduce (its a wreck to hear him, something as funny teasing can go a long way) and he also lacks the ability to read/judge someone.

^Good stuff!

Look, so many men say this because they lack skill, so they blame it on the women and say we dont want the good guy. Oh sure...we like the abusive ass who belittles us, and knocks us around

You have to have something that stands out and attracts her. My ex has to be the homeliest man Ive ever dated....he's seriously just plain ugly. But Ive seen a few of his ex's and I have to admit...they're very pretty. I wasnt attracted to him in any way possible...till I was around him one night for several hours, and got to know him.

You have to have a personality to attract the opposite sex. Are you attracted to a rock? Just sitting there! Show some passion, personality, be fun to be around. Seduction, and self confidence goes a llllong way too. You need skill!

Thanks everyone for the replies and advice. It looks like I'm too boring to ever expect anyone to be interested in me. I'll just get used to being alone, then.

Thanks everyone for the replies and advice. It looks like I'm too boring to ever expect anyone to be interested in me. I'll just get used to being alone, then.

There's no way anyone can conclude you're boring from such limited information about you! But maybe it's just that you're too polite and gentlemanly to the point of women not seeing you in a sexual light. If you're attracted to a woman, yes, don't ogle rudely at her, but don't avoid looking at her completely either. Try to strike the right balance so she knows you're attracted to her. You may just not be sending off vibes that you're interested in/attracted to women when you actually are, and as a result, they never think of you as anything more than a friend....

This happened to me once before. I was spending time with a nice guy like you and only thought of him as a friend. why? Not because I prefer jerks, but because he never gave me any signals that he was attracted to me outside of a friendship context. One day he asked me out and I was really surprised, not because I didn't find him attractive or a good potential mate, but because it honestly never crossed my mind that he could have felt anything for me beyond friendship.

So if I had to make a bet, I'd bet you're not showing these women that you're attracted to them on another level. Yes, you need to flirt a little, compliment them in a way that is more than just "friendly," etc.

Does that make sense?

Thanks everyone for the replies and advice. It looks like I'm too boring to ever expect anyone to be interested in me. I'll just get used to being alone, then.

Comments/thoughts like this are probably exactly what's making girls uninterested in you. It's defeatist and negative. You just got some great advice and instead of saying, 'wow, I'll try to work on that, tell me more', you are feeling sorry for yourself. The women you hang out with are probably picking up on this.

Ask your female friends to set you up with someone since they think you are such a great guy.

Thanks everyone for the replies and advice. It looks like I'm too boring to ever expect anyone to be interested in me. I'll just get used to being alone, then.

And RIGHT THERE is your answer why women aren't 'interested' in you, as you say. I know guys that aren't considered good looking, yet they have no problems meeting and dating new women. Why? CONFIDENCE.

Most of what you say isn't words, it's your body language. Confidence oozes out through body language, and people pick up on it. It's natural human social evolution. By that reply, you've got next to none.

If you're constantly getting 'friend-zoned', you're doing something wrong. Telling women you want a 'long-term relationship' kills any mystery about yourself. Women don't like insecure, needy guys with no confidence.

What you THINK women want, and what they REALLY want is two totally different things. Grow some confidence if you're dating a girl. Go in for a kiss without worrying if she's going to reject you. Your post didn't really enlighten what's happening with these girls, but obviously something is not right.

Grow some confidence if you're dating a girl.

I don't know if you've ever had confidence issues but "growing confidence" isn't exactly an easy task. The main problem I'm having here is a conflict of personality, I guess. Everyone is telling me to be and do things that aren't naturally me. Be more mysterious, be "cocky and funny" (that's advice I've seen in other places), etc. Put simply, that isn't who I am. So if nobody is going to be interested in me as I am, why am I bothering? I don't want to have to become someone else to get a woman interested in me.

Your being a friend when you'd much rather date one of them and that's not happening because you're willingly giving emotional and verbal support without being in a relationship with the said person.

Not to stereotype on a sexist level but to give a reverse example. It's like a women sleeping with a guy when she knows that would probably sabotage any chances of her getting into a relationship with the guy.

In short, you're giving away the cake for free my friend.

Actually, women are capable of being attracted to a guy without him putting on seduction moves. I think a lot of it is looks honestly. Because, your issue isn't that these women don't find you interesting.. they are interested enough to want to talk with you and spend time with you. What is missing, is that they are not sexually attracted to you.

Looks do play a part in a woman's initial attraction. Things you can do about that are getting into shape if you aren't, dressing with some degree of style or a slight edge (like dark wash jeans and a leather jacket for example), having a haircut that suits you.

There is also this other factor that has to do with you showing romantic or sexual interest. A woman is much more likely to be attracted to you if she notices you pay her a little extra attention, you compliment her at least once, maybe if you blush a little because of her (depends on the woman), if you ask her out. This doesn't have to be remotely creepy or over the top but you may actually be friendzoning the women around you without realizing it.

Thank you all for your advice. freiabereinsam, thank you for the kind words and encouragement. You are right in that people can't determine whether or not I'm boring by a few statements on a forum.

I don't want to have to become someone else to get a woman interested in me.

You should not change things that you like about yourself if they are positive and working for you in terms of having a good life. However, if part of who you are involves putting yourself down in thought or in words like the post above ("I'm too boring" "I'll get used to being alone"), then you might want to think about changing a little bit. The bottom line is that we get so caught up in the whole this-person-should-love-me-exactly-as-I-am that we forget that sometimes who we are is not the best person we can be. You either want a relationship, or you don't. So be willing to do a little self-examination and change what's hindering you.

Bulletproof, you make a very good point there. I've decided that you are right and I'm going to work on my confidence level. Regardless of whether or not it helps me with women, I need and want it for other areas of my life.

I haven't read any of the responses.

I like nice men. I always prefer them over the bad boys anyway!

However most of the stereotypically nice men I've met have low confidence levels, therefore they don't really know how to attract a woman. Therefore the woman thinks "oh he's not into me" and then moves on, which lowers the nice guy's confidence even more.

It has to do with attraction. Yes, you are displaying relationship-traits, which in itself is attraction, but those are traits that come after (or second to) initial attraction to some women (sexual attraction based on physical or behavior). Seduction is also important, it creates sexual attraction. You dont display this, then you might get friendzoned or send the wrong signals and lose out.. or again get friendzoned.

Beat me to it. I completely agree. There has to be that initial attraction for anything to go any further. If you're a douchebag it'll shine through as I get to know you, same as if you're a great guy, but without that first spark it's pointless.

I don't think you're too boring and it doesn't sound like you have major confidence issues to me. What I do think is that being in a relationship and dating are two different things, which is why some people are great at getting dates but can never lock in the deal and other people go single for ages but everytime they meet someone they get into an LTR.

If the feedback you're getting is that you're a great guy and any girl would love to be with you, it seems like you're more of the relationship type and have to work to figure out how to date. I thin that successful dating is a lot like going to a job interview. You can actually be a top performing worker, but if you don't communicate that to your employer in a way to convince them to hire you, it's not going to matter how great you are! This is also why appearance, body language, the gift of banter, all of these things come into play when in the long term they really don't matter that much.

I also agree with everyone who says that you have to have sexual attraction. There's been so many times when I've met a guy and they just seemed really nice so I thought of them as friends and then it was too late for them. A SO should be your best friend, but it's a different kind of friend.. it's a friend you have sex with. If sexual attraction didn't matter, there'd be no point in dating because we'd just hook up with our friends.

Are you interested romantically in any of the women you're friends with? If so, have you told them? You have to be honest about your feelings. They can't read your mind.