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Thread: My boyfriend wants me to delete my friend off facebook

  1. #1

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    My boyfriend wants me to delete my friend off facebook

    Hello, I need opinions on a disagreement my boyfriend and I are having. We have been on and off for over 5 years, and we are both 23 years old. During the off periods, he slept with multiple other girls, and I slept with one other guy. This guy happens to be in the same college program as me, and we slept together in 2nd year. We didn't have any feelings for each other and it was just a drunk thing. He has now been dating his current girlfriend for about a year and a half now, who is also in our program. We are in a small program, so almost everyone is friends. I have his girlfriend on facebook. I'm not sure if she knows about what happened between her boyfriend and I in 2nd year, but she is a really nice girl and we are friendly with each other. My boyfriend knows that I slept with that guy, so I have him blocked on facebook to make him feel better. Today he realized that I also have this guy's girlfriend on facebook, who I've been friends with for 4 years. I could have sworn he already knew.. but I didn't think it was a big deal. Now he is threatening to break up with me if I don't delete her off facebook. I don't understand why I cant be facebook friends with her. We see each other at school once in a while and it would be weird if I deleted her because we have so many mutual friends who talk. Anyway, the real question is WHY does my boyfriend want me to delete her? Should I?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member FrenchFries's Avatar
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    Your boyfriend sounds really insecure and controlling. I have no idea why this bothers him other than the fact that she is connected to the guy you slept with. Does he have a habit of telling you how he wants you to do other things too? Do you both try to control each other's friendships? Either way, not healthy. Very immature.

  3. #3
    Silver Member Tranquillo's Avatar
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    Can you see the girls boyfriends activities on her page? I'm not sure how the blocking thing works because sometimes you can still see tagged photo's through other people's pages even if you have that person blocked but yeh YOUR bf might be worried that you are still keeping tracks on the guy you slept with through HIS gf's facebook page. Also, if you have known this girl for 4 years as a friend, how comes the subject of you sleeping with her bf hasnt come up in topic? Maybe it is because you are not that close friends, in that case deleteing her from facebook shouldnt be that much of a problem and it will also calm your bf down.

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    I agree that it's crazy. That being said, you cannot control another person's actions. So, while you have the right to keep her on Facebook, he has the right to break up with you if that's what he wants.

    Me? I'd take a stand and let him break up with me over it if he feels that strongly. He needs to get over himself and personally, I couldn't handle that level of insecurity on his part. For me, it would equally be a dealbreaker situation if he was digging his heels in that hard.

    Is it a dealbreaker for you?

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  6. #5

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    Thanks for your response.

    No, I can't see his name or any of his activity on her facebook because I have him deleted and blocked as well. I don't care about him or what he is doing, so I'm not trying to keep track of his life. I have known her for four years, but we aren't close. She is very laid back so I feel like if she knew I slept with her boyfriend before they started dating (which she might, because we have many mutual friends), she wouldn't care that much. If I was to delete her it would make things weird and awkward between us because we see each other at school. I feel like I shouldn't have to delete her because it's also giving into my boyfriend's insecurity and controlling ways..

  7. #6
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    Call his bluff and say "No" and see what happens. Would he really act like a baby over it? Probably.

  8. #7
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    Obviously he has reason to feel insecure because you two have been on and off for over 5 years. What caused those break-ups?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member OptomisticGirl's Avatar
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    I echo DN's question. It sounds like major insecurity on your bf's part but WHY is he insecure? Have you given him reasons in the past or has he always been like this?
    "I am and always will be- the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes. The dreamer of improbable dreams." - The Eleventh Doctor

    When life doesn’t go quite as planned yell “plot twist!” and move on. -- Thanks for this, Sherry. :)

  10. #9

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    He was always the one who broke up with me, because he wanted to sleep with other girls. We started dating when we were 17 and we're 23 now. I lost my virginity to him and we were both our first serious relationship. He always knew I was the type of girl who he could settle down with, but he was never ready to fully commit because he was young and immature. He always came back to me though and I was never able to actually leave him even though I know I should have at times. Now we're older and eachother's best friends, and we are happy for the most part and excited about our future together. He's just still insecure about the one guy I slept with and he can't wait till I'm done school. He slept with about 5 girls while we were "off", although we still saw each other during those off periods, and I have been able to let that go as long as he has no contact with them.

  11. #10
    Member Destiny78's Avatar
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    No, I can't see his name or any of his activity on her facebook because I have him deleted and blocked as well.
    But you can see pictures of her and him, and comments she makes about him - right?

    Your boyfriend sounds very jealous and insecure about your relationship, and it sounds like your relationship needs a lot of work in the trust department. You shouldn't be expecting your boyfriend to just be insecure and controlling forever, that's not going to make for a healthy relationship.

    Bottom line: I don't think you guys should worry so much about facebook, but rather you should worry about building a solid foundation of trust in the relationship. But since facebook is an issue for him I would personally delete her to calm his emotions tied to it. It's not a big deal to delete someone on facebook, but it is a big deal to have to fight over it or be upset over it constantly.
    Love and happiness is what binds us all together. We all want love, we all want happiness - I would love to see a time when we ALL have them.

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